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Presence of Man The tree of life engulfed in flames T'was the camper whom everyone blames Who holds the weight, not the spirit of fate But the presence of man and his games The sand is stirred by the massive whale He collapses 'neath the ships at sail So what was the mix that no one could fix That caused his greasy tail? The cloud of thirst is tainted with gray Moving heavily, it makes it's way Is it so dense, or is it the expense Of a factory's work for the day? The deer is still from the careful aim The stench of the air, he soon will claim At who's fault was he brought to a hault? None but the presence of man and his game Brittany Lauryn Godown |
Additional Notes:
My 21 year old daughter, Brittany wrote this. She's a student at Savannah
College of Art and Design and is always surprising me with her talents.
The literary level in which she wrote this outshines my own for sure, I think!
I wanted her to be able to have some feedback about this one as I was very
impressed with it myself and felt it worthy to present here.
Brit's schedule now offers very limited time for the luxury of frequenting
TPL and being critiqued by the fine masters of poetry here. I'd like to
pass the feedback on to her, hoping it will encourage and inspire her!
Thank you all!
-Terrye
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