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This Poem was Submitted By: Barbara Ascolese On Date: 2003-08-03 22:31:33 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Untitled Haiku Revised

Soft whispering winds natures breath caresses leaves quiet after storm

Additional Notes:
Erzahl, Jane and Tony...Thanks for the help......this revision is the result of your comments...I like it better but still wanting to learn, hope you like it! Barb

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-07 22:19:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Loely poem! Perfect in form and evocative in language - the w sounds echo the leaves in motion. This is everything Haiku should be

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-04 10:04:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.09589
Love the first line ‘Soft whispering winds’, gives me The sensation without being blown away. I see the life Within the leaves in you second line and finally the Knowledge of what has taken place before giving me an Inference on life after the storm. Makes the reader think. Well done. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-09-01 15:58:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43750
Yep, it has the moment of twist or epiphany that a Haiku should have and is nature based. I like this one a lot. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-08-22 10:18:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06061
So beautiful, Barbara! These few powerpacked words blow right through my mind caressing my senses like a sweet fresh breeze after a spring shower. This is true Haiku form and without a doubt fills all requirements of a Haiku. The thought of the whispering winds being natures breath is just fantastic. I did not read the first version of this, but I must say you have done more with so few words then I could have even thought possible. Thanks for submitting this one. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-08-17 13:02:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.87500
Hi Barbara, I have written two haikus and posted them here but I am still in the learning stage!! It is more difficult than one would imagine to stay within the guidelines and still write something that makes sense. I am impressed with this one as you have written a lovely piece and as far as I can tell you have 17 sylables with the 5-7-5 format. Hopefully I will gain more experience with this form of poetry and can give a more in-depth crit but for now I think this one is lovely and will look forward to reading more of your work. blessings...Marilyn

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