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This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy Ann Hemsworth On Date: 2003-08-05 00:01:03 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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After The Rain

Trodden fields lay washed in worry Crows cry!... they fly, with fevered furry Marshland ragged in sheets of murk Foreboding thoughts, run so berserk In criptic puddles, illusions play An unhidgened mind, drowns in dismay Reality so twisted; blurry Upon this path all demons lurk They thirst upon my soul's decay.

Additional Notes:
Trine poem style: 1,2 rhyme.....3,4 rhyme....5,6 rhyme....line 7 rhymes with first set, line 8 with second, line 9 with third set.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-09-03 04:28:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Nancy, “Trine” - This is a wonderful format. I like how the last stanza combines all the rhyming of the first three stanzas. As you have known, I enjoy doing poems with defined structure. And “trine” is something new to me. This is a wonderful introduction! Again, you have shown us how expert you are in different poem designs, and the way you write and apply your knowledge is as impressive as your intelligence. “After The Rain” --- The simplicity of your title creates lyrical beauty! Straight to the point! I enjoyed every scenario you picture here – the “after the rain” scene. From the fields to the crows, from swamps to puddles, you associate this dreariness to the mood of your contemplation. And to picture in dark moments like “run so berserk” and “drowns in dismay” is truly unforgettable. Nice choice of words. “Reality so twisted; blurry Upon this path all demons lurk They thirst upon my soul's decay.” --- I like how you organized your thoughts here. It really summarized your first three stanzas. You really know how to capture that dreary moment. You almost bring us readers to that situation. I believe this is the most powerful part of the poem and I think this is my most favorite one too! Kudos on your fine work here Nancy! I find this very skillfully written! Just one minor question, what is “criptic”? I’ve been looking this word in the dictionary but haven’t got the meaning. Anyway, this is nothing compared to the overall sensation your poem brings to me. I really enjoy the read! Beautifully dark! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-01 23:30:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Hi, Nancy. This is a really difficult form but you seem to have a knack for it. I made some typo corrections and a couple of things to consider. Trodden fields lay washed in worry Crows cry![They fly] with fevered [fury] Marshland ragged [raged?] in sheets of murk Foreboding thoughts[-,] run so berserk In [cryptic] puddles, illusions play An [unhinged] mind, drowns in dismay Reality so twisted; blurry Upon this path all demons lurk They thirst upon my soul's decay. Excellent piece with an amazing and fresh ending

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-08-22 18:25:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Nancy: Haven't seen one of your poems in forever! I see you haven't lost your touch altho this is my first encounter with "trine". You obviously meet the rhyming rules and your meter sets a nice pace over all. "Trodden fields lay washed in worry Crows cry!...they fly, with fevered furry .....flurry?..... Marshland ragged in sheets of murk Foreboding thoughts run so beserk" I like the title very much and as I read the poem, it feels right. I like the personification of fields and crows. Nice internal rhyme of cry/fly and fine allits in washed/worry and fly/fevered/furry."Ragged in sheets" is a clever metaphor as is the entire poem. The "so" before beserk feels forced for the meter and that could easily be fixed...become beserk, etc, etc. You are deftly delineating a dire, drear scene here. "In criptic puddles, illusions play ....cryptic?....... and unhidgened mind, drowns in dismay ....unhinged?..... Reality so twisted; blurry Upon this path all demons lurk They thirst upon my soul's decay" Your poem could be a metaphor for many things that get off-path and wind up in ruination. Like our lives so often do. This strikes me that after the rain stopped, the scene became a ruinous one for the observer/narrator. The fields were moldy and flooding, the marshland appeared as a morass of murk, and all of these factors play upon the mind until poet feels beleaguered to insanity. The person knows the peril of the place, filled with devils, reality obscured, and the vampirish demons lust for the befouled parts of poet's soul. (We all have those spots of decay). I don't know if my interpretation matches your intent but once you post it, it's in the reader's hands and we each will see/hear what we want to. I find this clever and unique; your descriptors are so real, I can feel them and these are not pretty butterflies and gladiolas. Whatever or wherever this poem takes the reader, there seems a mystical, nightmarish aspect...mayhaps it's but a dream. I enjoyed your piece very much and best wishes for its success. Mell

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-08-15 09:10:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90323
Nancy, I not only like this poem for its vision it creates but also the presentation with the format chosen. This reader loves this type of poetry because you achieve several things by developing it. First the form is adhered too, second it has rhyme, and third it shifts between physical and metaphysical for this reader. The only thing that seemed a little off was the part I liked the best. In criptic puddles, illusions play An unhidgedned mind, drowns in dismay (it is here the flow changes from the first line) Have no idea of what to suggest for you want to show the drowns maybe add a word in the first line (illusions will play). Just a thought. Wonderful. One of my favorites this month. Excellent taking so many things into account Thank you for the depth. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2003-08-13 01:45:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Nancy, As you well know, you’re poetry always impresses me beyond belief. These are not just words to make you “feel good”, but I know you put more of “you” into your poetry, your brilliance, and your style, which lends to a wonderful piece. I am not sure I will even do this poem justice as it is so intriguing, but I am going to give it a good shot. You just amaze me, so let me try! The rain brings on so much to so many! It brings water to the thirsty earth, green to the brown lands, and life to all of us. As rain can bring so much good, it also can bring hardship and a saddened spirit. We can view rain in so many aspects and many times it depends on our mood, but at times it depends on what it leaves. Is the air freshened? Is there tranquility after the rain? Or did the rain destroy and terrorize the land and the living? I see in your poem it didn’t leave the earth with kindness and it caused even the crows to cry and fly in furry! (I love that line!) fly, fevered, furry – WOW! The lands are now left with gloom, so tattered and nothing looks peaceful, yet that is the nature of it all. The metaphoric value of this entire poem may not be totally discovered by me, but it has a depth that I am attempting to find the exact meaning you had in mind, and I am not sure I know. I know what it means to me, and that is the wonder of poetry. Each puddle had it’s own ambiguous feature, and they could leave one puzzled. This rain was one that makes me shiver for there is so much it caused, creates, and reminds us of, and it can come back to find the wounds of our soul. At times, we just can’t control our fears and thoughts, and in this poem, I feel it is one of those times. The demons can lie in wait but they can’t stay if we don’t allow them too. Reality can be so contorted but thank goodness we have a God that brings peace to the soul. An amazing poem and one I am not sure I have grasped entirely, but I love it and it touches places in me I can’t even explain. Wonderful trine poem, and I didn’t even know there was such a poem before. You keep teaching me and I keep learning. I will add this one to the book of poetry I have from you. Write soon and I will write you a long e-mail and tell you what is going on. I sure do miss you! With love and respect, Debbie

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