This Poem was Submitted By: Nancy L. Dymond On Date: 2003-08-05 09:18:19 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I Forgot Where I Put It

I forgot where I put it, I had it right here, But I thought you might steal it, So I hid it - quite near. It is something so special... It’s one of a kind. I just can’t bear to lose it, Please, PLEASE help me find My treasure, my precious, My truth and my glory. If I lose it, I’m done for! The end of the story! A plan’s what I need, My mind needs to rest, I’ll relax for a minute, Then retrace my steps. I saw it...I had it... I moved it...and then, You called me...I hid it... Yes!  That must be when I forgot where I put it, I’ll search here once more, Hallelujah!  I’ve found it! Now...what was it for???

Copyright © August 2003 Nancy L. Dymond


This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-09-03 04:30:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Nancy, I like your playfulness of thought here Nancy! I like the simplicity of your words and with that it helps readers immediately understand your message. Yet, there is an intriguing formula within your lines and the element of surprise is very much established. “I forgot where I put it, I had it right here, But I thought you might steal it, So I hid it - quite near.” --- Adding the line “you might steal it” rings a bell that it is something with great value. “It is something so special... It’s one of a kind. I just can’t bear to lose it, Please, PLEASE help me find” --- The capitalized “PLEASE” fittingly supports your aggressive plea. The words “special” and “one of a kind” just bring readers more excited with its value. Now, it’s becoming mysterious and interesting. “My treasure, my precious, My truth and my glory. If I lose it, I’m done for! The end of the story!” --- The additional exclamatory point at the end of the last two lines adds a rushing and thrilling sensation to the readers. “I’m done for” and “end of the story” are such strong words that continuously make readers more curious. Nice choice of words, very effective! “A plan’s what I need, My mind needs to rest, I’ll relax for a minute, Then retrace my steps.” --- I enjoyed how you keep yourself “cool” though we all know how “panicky” your feelings are already in. “I saw it...I had it... I moved it...and then, You called me...I hid it... Yes! That must be when” --- Hanging the message like these is an effective way to spring readers more electrifying impression. “I forgot where I put it, I’ll search here once more, Hallelujah! I’ve found it! Now...what was it for???” --- This is quite a surprise! The sarcastic expression “Hallelujah!” adds the climax of the long search. Yet at the end line, you left reader’s emotion back to flat zero. This is like a roller coaster ride! You left our expectations dangling in the air. Quite a real surprise! Kudos on your wittiness Nancy! I believe every one of us has been caught in this scenario, wherein we have been looking for something but when we found it we didn’t know what was it for. Anyway, I sure enjoy the ride! As always, Erzahl :)


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-02 14:34:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10769
Great beginning brings the reader into the poem. second stanza lets one know the urgency of finding it and the importance to the individual. The third stanza feels a little abrupt ‘end of story’. Maybe if it was nearer the end. This reader wanted to stop here. Your fourth stanza is great again and puts me in the mood for this fun poem. I like how you follow it up with recalling the steps you took. The ending makes the poem. Well done. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-08-22 10:10:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06061
Hi Nancy. This is the first poem of yours I have critiqued, and I enjoyed reading it. You definately capture exactly where I am in the aging process quite nicely. I hope that doesn't insult you in any way. lol. jk. The first stanza reminds me how I feel about snacks sometimes, having three sons at home right now-ages 25, 21, 17. Hide it or lose it. lol Then when you say precious in the 3nd stanza it kind of reminds me of Golum(sp) in the Lord of the Ring books. lol. The forth stanza reminds me of how I spend most of my days while looking for something I lost. jk But the ending just plain says it all. This is so funny yet true! I love it. The four line stanzas give us presentation of this little mystery, and I do mean mystery since we never do find out what it is. The suspense and urgency build with each new stanza, pulling us forward to find out what and where. Which is why the end is so "real". lol. Because in life, nothing is really ever as it seems on first impression. The B/D rhyme scheme is nice for the flow of this creative piece. Thanks for sharing this delightful poem! Blessings, Jennifer
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