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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-08-08 16:36:07 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Autumn (haiku)

autumn harvest moon echoing last sunshine beam radiates fervor

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-07 22:00:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
This poem also "radiates fervor" autumn harvest moon echoing last sunshine beam radiates fervor It is subtle in that the soft a and o sounds of that serve as a a sort of cushion on which to rest this homage to the rays of the moon. The specific autumn harvest moon - bright and orange does indeed echo - and so does this poem. Marvelous - everything Haiku should be.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-08-29 14:30:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.98182
Excellent haiku describes the season and Specific timing. Correct format, paints a Picture, tells a story throughout the ages of A feeling within. Well done. Thanks for sharing. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ed Wickliffe On Date: 2003-08-17 18:11:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Coupla ideas, or a few ...One, drop the (haiku) in title. It's like saying your poem's a sonnet. Poets are supposed to recognize traditional forms without being told. If someone doesn't recognize a haiku, that's his/her problem, not yours. Two, autumn and harvest are redundant terms. Could you find another word in that five syllable line? Sunshine and beam are close to being likewise redundant. Three, moons reflect rather than radiate. Are you sure that's the word you want? Four (this one's picky-picky), echo (sound) and radiate (non-sound, presumably) are incompatible verbs in your metaphor. Poem might feel stronger if the action words maintained the metaphor. Just ideas, as always. Generally a nice poem. Liked it, thanks! (It's true to the syllabic form, with seasonal reference, etc.)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-08-17 17:44:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.87500
Hi Marilyn! I always look forward to having one of your poems on my critique list. There is a "from the heart" quality to your work that is always satisfying to me. This Haiku is no exception. "autumn harvest moon echoing last sunshine beam radiates fervor" You evoke such warm satisfying feelings of Autumn. It says so much in so few words. I know that is what a Haiku is supposed to do, and you have done it with flare. All the technical elements of Haiku are here. The 5-7-5 syllable count,you describe a season, evoke feeling. Yep you have it all. I've looked at Haiku's here and on other forums and notice that some have capped first words in each line and some are lower case. This is the only suggestion I have- You might look at capping and see what you think. I feel it adds a kind of Magesticness(is that a word? lol) to the Haiku when capped. Does that make any sense? Not that it's any big deal , but just a thought. I certainly enjoy reading and contemplating this piece. Blessings to you, Jennifer

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