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This Poem was Submitted By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-08-09 12:45:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Mistress of Briar

As we sit in candlelight she lures him Blushing in her smooth burnished skin His amber eyes attempting to capture But her reflection flickers within I know the firm fingers enfolding mine Long to be warmed by her sculpted body ~ For a while I sense his full attention As we sip the ruby fruit of the vine But soon apon the slightest mention, It becomes all hers not mine Her curves lay in wait in her leather seat For his lips to bring her to life His fingers break loose from our tender heat A desire for her ~ not his wife! He excuses himself from our cozy nook Whispers his promise of a speedy return Into the hazy night they glide Unlit, his passion impatient to burn As her mouth flirts with the evening zephyrs His rugged hand wraps her long sultry waist That inevitable flame when his lips touch hers Folds their shadows in a smokey embrace I wait alone, assume an unsuspecting air While he's enticed with such casual pace Can I ever offer such provocative fare? Quench that aroma of her billowy lace? My heart yearns to learn how she beckons… erase the tension from his handsome face Somehow in her mystery I must reckon how to arouse him with such sensual grace to chase away the fog of her deception… lure him from his firey mistress' nape Become his destination ~ whenever he escapes

Additional Notes:
I posted this poem a few years back, never really being satisfied with it, and I have to say, after many edits over the years, it still remains a nemesis. Perhaps it is the "curse" of the true nemesis of this poem, that keeps me so unsettled about the lines. Like a "bad habit" it hangs as unfinished business for me, even now. This romanticized tale of figurative musings stray from the mind of a pipe smoker's wife who's reflections of a distracting vice turn into quite a "twist" on a tryst. Earlier when I posted it, no one figured it out, so I thought I'd present yet another edit with these more helpful notes. No, I can't say this "edition" is yet the final one! - Terrye

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-05 13:19:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85000
Dear Terrye: So very clever and artful! I missed this earlier, but I am glad for the chance to tell you how much I appreciate your wit and originality at last! As we sit in candlelight she lures him Blushing in her smooth burnished skin His amber eyes attempting to capture But her reflection flickers within A romantic ambience, indeed! Cleverly setting the scene for the denouement. Rhyming sounds of "skin/within" and soft 'f' sounds in "flickers" and "firm fingers enfolding" prepare us for a sensual encounter. I know the firm fingers enfolding mine Long to be warmed by her sculpted body ~ For a while I sense his full attention As we sip the ruby fruit of the vine But soon (upon) the slightest mention, I was thinking 'what a cad' before I read more and especially the additional notes! I thought the speaker to be exceptionally 'cool as a cucumber' while her love plotted an affaire d'amour! Lush sounds of "ruby/fruit/curves" deftly add to the sensual atmosphere of this piece. Your rhymes continue to delight, even though I was growing impatient with this 'cad' for his seeming 'unfaithful' thoughts. It becomes all hers not mine Her curves lay in wait in her leather seat For his lips to bring her to life His fingers break loose from our tender heat A desire for her ~ not his wife! By this point, I am laughing as I remember my sense of outrage at first reading. Too funny! So many clever wordplays, such as allusions of "flicker/heat/hazy/burn/flame" to fire and smoke. With these clues begin to build suspense. "Unlit" was the word, I think, that made me realize the droll purpose of the preceding clues. He excuses himself from our cozy nook Whispers his promise of a speedy return Into the hazy night they glide Unlit, his passion impatient to burn As her mouth flirts with the evening zephyrs His rugged hand wraps her long sultry waist --- WONDERFUL! That inevitable flame when his lips touch hers Folds their shadows in a smokey embrace I am giggling now. This is delightful and no wonder it is receiving many many votes this month! I wait alone, assume an unsuspecting air While he's enticed with such casual pace Can I ever offer such provocative fare? Quench that aroma of her billowy lace? HA!! How delightful - and how evocative. Now that I realize what's going on, I recall my grandfather's pipesmoke, and the "aroma of . . .billowy lace" with poignancy. It was his trademark, and as I loved him so much, a hint of pipesmoke evokes all of those very fond memories. My heart yearns to learn how she beckons… erase the tension from his handsome face Somehow in her mystery I must reckon how to arouse him with such sensual grace ---magnificent!! Without the notes, I'd be steamed at him to chase away the fog of her deception… lure him from his firey mistress' nape (too funny!) Become his destination ~ whenever he escapes Terrye - this is a splendid poem for a chapbook! It supplies a great deal of fun, and it is suitable for framing and presentation to your pipe-smoking partner! This is one I will print and keep in my notebook of collectable delights for future enjoyment. Thanks so much! All my best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-08-29 02:29:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65000
Hi Terrye, For me, this version works very well! I find your choice of words very effective and comprehensive not to mention the poetic quality it radiates in every line. You just blend it all passionately. Good work! “Mistress Of Briar” --- The title itself is attractively controversial. I believe “Briar” is the name of the so-called “husband”. I find your work wittingly similar to Brandon’s poem “Temptress”. If your work is about the wife’s point of view about flirting women, Brandon’s work is about the husband’s (or any male) point of view about flirting women. The setting is also the same, within a bar or dining restaurant. Try to check it out, especially when you want to know how this sensual talent can be achieved (as what you have said): “Somehow in her mystery I must reckon how to arouse him with such sensual grace” :) “As we sit in candlelight she lures him Blushing in her smooth burnished skin His amber eyes attempting to capture But her reflection flickers within” --- In the first line, I like how you immediately get into the topic / subject. The hot presence of “candlelight” and “flickers within” are exciting. The tantalizing colors of “blushing”, “burnished skin” and “amber eyes” are evident. Great introductory stanza! “I know the firm fingers enfolding mine Long to be warmed by her sculpted body ~ For a while I sense his full attention As we sip the ruby fruit of the vine But soon apon the slightest mention, It becomes all hers not mine” --- Wow, great imageries! I like the succulent scene “we sip the ruby fruit of the vine”. I also like how you slowly divert “his” attention from the wife to the flirting women (as what you called the “mistress”). I can feel the awkward situation of the wife. --- Minor typo error in spelling “apon” to “upon”. “Her curves lay in wait in her leather seat For his lips to bring her to life His fingers break loose from our tender heat A desire for her ~ not his wife!” --- Slowly, I can feel the transcending of his fingers from “firm” to “tender”. I can also feel the furious reaction of the wife as what the exclamation point would tell in this stanza. “He excuses himself from our cozy nook Whispers his promise of a speedy return Into the hazy night they glide Unlit, his passion impatient to burn” --- From “firm” to “tender”, and now “cozy” – almost lifeless. The mention of “hazy night” adds the intoxicating flame that burns within their hidden passion. I find the “promise of a speedy return” is an overused all-time excuse of every flirting guy. Quite funny but painfully real to the wife. “As her mouth flirts with the evening zephyrs His rugged hand wraps her long sultry waist That inevitable flame when his lips touch hers Folds their shadows in a smokey embrace” --- I like how you continuously add lyrical beauties to your poem like “evening zephyrs”, “sultry waist”, “inevitable flame” and “smoky embrace”. It adds attraction to your (already) attractive subjects. Combining your craftsmanship with real facts, for me is hard to do. But you did it effortlessly! “I wait alone, assume an unsuspecting air While he's enticed with such casual pace Can I ever offer such provocative fare? Quench that aroma of her billowy lace?” --- I find the questions here as part of the “moment of reflections”. I can now feel the uneasiness in the part of the wife. To be left alone in an appointment where your date flirts in front of you is an unbearable site. To be a witness of your love’s infidelity is an agonizing torture of the heart. My heart yearns to learn how she beckons… erase the tension from his handsome face Somehow in her mystery I must reckon how to arouse him with such sensual grace to chase away the fog of her deception… lure him from his firey mistress' nape Become his destination ~ whenever he escapes --- Yet in those images, still you were able to inject humor and some wittiness. I don’t know if this “desire of learning to arouse him back” is part of a revenge or vengeance, whatever the hidden motive, I can sense the pity of self and the longing to win through this expected circumstances. For me the most powerful and my favorite line of all is “Become his destination ~ whenever he escapes”. Kudos on your another fascinating work Terrye! You never fail to entertain us with your poetic prowess! Overall, I find this very skillfully done! I can sense the personal touch of the author. Again, thank you for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure enjoy the read! As always. Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-08-18 12:15:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.96154
Terrye, thanks for adding the informational note as the knowledge it imparts adds to the romance and mystery of the reading. There is a surreal flavor here that is very appealing. You have a gift that is evidenced not only by your beautiful phrasing: "As we sit in candlelight she lures him Blushing in her smooth burnished skin His amber eyes attempting to capture But her reflection flickers within " but also in the masterful way you weave this yarn, drawing the reader in and holding me there to the end. The way you present a kind of comparison/competition of your love verses the love of his "habit" is pure genius. My ex used to smoke a pipe and I always thought the cherry flavored smoke and distinguished dimension it added to his personality were compelling. The ending is superb : "Become his destination ~ whenever he escapes" The format and structure you use are perfect for this tale and help to draw the reader in. In the second stanza you wrote "But soon apon the slightest mention,". Is "apon" a typo? Did you mean "upon"? Thank you for sharing this delightful work. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2003-08-14 15:50:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.75000
I like this kind of style. Provocative and erotic, with a touch of surrealism. Favorite lines: "his passion impatient to burn" "Folds their shadows in a smoky embrace" "As we sip the ruby fruit of the vine." The poem is fluid and tantalizes the senses as well as the heart. Passionate and unique. - Brandon

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-08-13 15:55:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.66667
Dear Terrye, The other day I critiqued a poem that was very sensual and said at the end "I need a cold shower!" Well cold shower here I come!! Just kidding but I must admit this piece is so well written that I find myself feeling like a peeping tom as I read the words. What could be more pitiful that a wife looking on as her husband's desire for this woman is so obvious?..."warmed by her sclupted body" graphic imagery "his rugged hands wrap her long sultery waist" sensual as the wife looks on wishing she could be the one he desires...."my heart yearns to learn how she beckons." As I was reading this poem I found myself cheering for the wife but the ending left me not knowing...which I am sure is your intent as it makes the situation a mystery...very well done...I would not change it. Blessings Marilyn

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