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This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-08-13 12:02:50 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Wings

God give me wings, please To fly over murky waters above rue of painful falters God give me wings, please To glide o'er days of molten gray flee beyond emotions of fey God give me wings, please To loft atop flame of regret sail upon shadows of kismet

This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-08-17 21:57:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.71429
Mailyn, Nicely put. If I had a trip for every time I had similar feelings, I would be on a frequent flyer list. Nice simple and compelling read. Andrea

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-08-14 11:47:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn this is great, a different style of topic, and a lovely poem (almost a prayer), the wings symbolic of the courage and strenth it takes to cope, but you know what, this prayer beseeching Gods help is very significate of the role he plays, for he is always with us, and he does help, oh I know this personally, but the poem more that beautifully speaks your soul, and it's really universal for it abitity to keep ones interest, but also to recongiz3e there are always challenges in life, and befief, true belif always sustaines. I really love the langue you presented here, it's truly poetry, with a very human message, the format is great, and the title is wonderful. Congratulations on your Grandchild, your legecy you know for without you to have children there wouldn't be any Grandchild. It's a wonful poem, throughly enjoyable, it has a clean, crisp sensation catured in the dialogue. Great job, a wonderful submission once again. Love, Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2003-08-13 22:53:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.50000
The metaphor of God's salvation compared to the timeless human dream of flying - superb. Heaven for me, too, would not only be the deletion of cares and woes but to be able to fly over the scenery you describe. No better sensation to imagine. Good Poem! - Brandon

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-08-13 19:05:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04000
God give me wings to reach out and hug you for I know You are there within my reach........... Wings....when I read...God give me wings I see those long fluffy extensions reaching out before me fluttering in the air....lifting me higher and higher until I am above looking down below......therefore I am free to pass through most every obstacle that has been placed in my way with the freedom of God's love......for that is the story you know....in order to ..... To fly over murky waters above rue of painful falters you need to be with God.....otherwise it just does not work....much food for thought within these lines my friend, good structure nice word flow.....allows the reader to go with it finding the answer from within. Thank you for posting, for sharing these thoughts with us....be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-08-13 14:31:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.04762
What I like about this poem is the rhythm and the musical tones It creates. The refrain fits nicely in this poem. In the first stanza I like how you describe life as unclear and then To go beyond your stumbles. In the second stanza I feel as if a fire has diminished to gray over the years. Letdowns by the craziness in oneself that have been shown in the past is overlooked. In the third stanza you want to be above any regrets and deal with fate. Excellent short poem, and the presentation fits well. Thanks for sharing, Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-08-13 13:56:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This poem has wings itself -soaring with light syllables and sailing along currents of long vowels. God give me wings, please nice intro To fly over murky waters above rue of painful falters "above rue" is a remarkable phrase and "painful falters" is so close in sound it is almost an anagram and it is delightful in fresh meaning. God give me wings, please this becomes more and more plaintive as it emerges as a chorus To glide o'er days of molten gray {'molten gray" is a little ordinary for this extraordinary piece. flee beyond emotions of fey (the grey/fey rhyme is delicious though) God give me wings, please To loft atop (lovely) flame[s?] of regret sail upon shadows of kismet neat unexpected and amazing ending to a finely constructed piece.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-08-13 12:55:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Marilyn, this title is quite simple and lovely. Thank heaven God does give us wings by giving us His strength and peace to carry on when we ourselves are drowning in the flood. This Prayer of yours is a very touching plea for His strength and comfort. Your words humbly state your request (and beautifully worded I might add). Sometimes Gods will doesn't relect our will and that can be such a humbling experieince. But He will never leave us hanging there without Love. He is with us always and hears our pleas and I thank Him for that everyday! I hope you find His strength and peace today. Thanks for sharing this well done free verse on the forum. Blessings to you as you have blessed all of us with this piece. Jennifer

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