This Poem was Submitted By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-08-23 00:28:17 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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The Law of Mercy Imprisoned in despair---
the debts I cannot pay.
I tried to buy the substance of life
with borrowed bits of tarnished silver.
And now I cannot make good the loan.
The bars are thick black iron
secure in brackets of stone.
The light of day visits reluctantly
the depths of my cubic cell
and in a flash departs.
I've lost count of the notches on the wall,
the number of weeks or days.
I starve on moldy bread and brackish water.
Pride reduces itself into
a skeletal lean body mass.
"The merciful will be shown mercy."
Hope sounds in the distance.
The clatter of footsteps approaches
through the cell block.
And the key grinds in the lock.
I trade places with the lender—
the one who ordered my arrest.
I am given a bath, a meal, fresh clothes.
My debts forgiven...redeemed,
I bow before my sovereign King.
Matthew 18:23-35
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Copyright © August 2003 Darlene A Moore
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-03 08:47:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17978
Wow poet interesting piece with a mighty finish to it.....debtors prison I tend to find myself in with the way things are in this world it is no wonder we are not all there at some time or other.......yet to the details you describe with the flare of your pen it is alive with images feelings, emotions and in the closing to find yourself beginning anew as the one who put you there is now in your place. Well done. Good structure, style and word flow and great food for thought as well. One deserving of the list of winners. Thank you for sharing. Be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-02 18:07:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Darlene:
The impact of this poem for me is to feel that I haven't truly understood mercy - until
now! I've heard it perhaps millions of times, but it doesn't become 'real' to me unless
I feel it and your poem made me feel gratitude for the (still) unbelievable sacrifice made
on my behalf. By establishing an identification with the speaker (at least for this reader)
at the beginning of the work, you have made it possible to read the entire poem with compassion
and then that 'aha' moment of understanding . . .this is personal! "Is it I, Lord?" each of
the disicples asked themselves. Your poem helps me realize the answer.
Imprisoned in despair---
the debts I cannot pay.
I tried to buy the substance of life
with borrowed bits of tarnished silver.
And now I cannot make good the loan.
The reference to silver elicits the memory of Judas. In a subtle way, you make it possible
for each reader so inclined to identify the "Judas" within, the debtor who cannot repay.
The bars are thick black iron
secure in brackets of stone.
The light of day visits reluctantly
the depths of my cubic cell
and in a flash departs.
Hard sounds in "bars/thick/black/iron/brackets/stone/cubic" convey a sense of solidity to the
cell which the imprisoned narrator inhabits. Surely, there will be no escape from such confinement.
I've lost count of the notches on the wall,
the number of weeks or days.
I starve on moldy bread and brackish water.
Pride reduces itself into
a skeletal lean body mass.
Here, my reflections are so deeply personal that I can only say I am especially moved
(stricken) by this stanza.
"The merciful will be shown mercy."
Hope sounds in the distance.
The clatter of footsteps approaches
through the cell block.
And the key grinds in the lock.
Above, the auditory imagery and the sense of approaching release creates a breath-holding
moment of suspense and hope . . .
I trade places with the lender—
the one who ordered my arrest.
I am given a bath, a meal, fresh clothes.
My debts forgiven...redeemed,
I bow before my sovereign King.
Matthew 18:23-35
I find the sense of joy in the word "redeemed" so overwhelming here. The "I"
becomes . . .no longer the narrator, but this reader. The effect of this poem
will linger long after the reading. Your words carry the power of conviction
and heartfelt gratitude.
Shakespeare's words from The Merchant of Venice --
"The quality of mercy is not strain'd,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes"
You have blessed us with this poem of ultimate mercy, and may you be blessed
in equal measure. Kudos, once more!
All my best,
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-02 10:13:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.07143
Dear Darlene,
In reading this piece I do belive it is about "debtors prison"...
"with borrowed bits of tarnished silver"...."bars are thick black iron
secure in brackets of stone"..."I starve on moldy bread and brackish
water"...good description..."Pride reduces itself into a skeletal lean
body mass"...my favorite line. Your words are so graphic that I found
myself inside that cell of despair along with the debtor. The last
stanza gives a glimmer of hope and the redemption of this man offers a
sigh of relief. Good poem and one that goes on my list of favorites.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-08-26 21:10:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.94444
Excellent portrayal of the path chosen and the redemption found. I like how you used the first
three stanza's in showing the depth one reaches. In the second grouping you
have not only have given hope but the deliverance from destitute. Very well written with structure
and thought. Enjoyed reading this one. Thanks Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-08-26 02:43:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
In my first reading of the poem, i feel the greatness it presents. My thought immediately shifts to the image of religious countenance. And indeed, it is a wonderful creation based on the Bible. The title itself is strong in enticing the reader especially those whose priority in life is to gain wisdom. And of course, this is a wisdomful piece. It takes a wise man to create this kind of piece. I know i can hardly make such of this kind because i am but a young in mind and inexperience of life. Well, my parents are. And I can think of my parents when these things are being the topic. This line is very strong in emphasis: "I tried to buy the substance of life
with borrowed bits of tarnished silver." It can make the reader ponder. How deep and serious but reinforced by a perfect imagery. The use of assonance in this line, "the depths of my cubic cell" brings a an impact. Also in the 'b' sound of this line, "I starve on moldy bread and brackish water." The poem is also reinforced by a thrilling effect especially in this line, "The clatter of footsteps approaches
through the cell block.". The entrance of the piece depicts the imagery of painful life, the sufferings, and a good technique is created as the last lines show relief. Truly, the reality of life is at large in this great piece of work. U should be full of wisdom, Darlene! Best regards, Jordan.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-08-24 21:12:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Darlene,
I didn't see this one coming! The ending caught me by surprise and then, suddenly, the whole sustained metaphor clicked into place. Your sordid imagery surrounding this miserable debtor is first rate. "Borrowed bits of tarnished silver" could easily be taken as an allusion to the parable of the talents, wherein one of those who was given his coin, refused to use it wisely and lost even that which he had. It can also have echoes of Judas's silver pieces. Certainly, the "tarnished" surface implies something that turned into a wrong-doing. The sinner is too far gone to haul himself out of his self-dug pit.
I find S3 especially powerful in the hopelessness it conveys. Notches on the wall, brackish water, moldy bread, skeletal physique ... this speaker is in huge trouble! He has reached that terrible, Dark Night of the Soul. Then comes the pivotal line, the quotation about mercy, from the Beatitudes.
Here is where it gets a tad tricky. The speaker is released and can "trade places with the lender". Presumably, then, the one who gave him the silver is now imprisoned. But why? Has he, then, committed some sin? Yes, he once ordered the arrest of the unfortunate speaker, although it's clear that blood can't be squeezed from a stone. So now it is his turn to learn humility and mercy, which he did not practise when he had a chance.
Christ, the bearer of the key, is seen as a redeemer who has posted bail and cancelled the debts. The simple details of bath, meal and clothes are used in place of the spiritual renewal for which they are metaphors. Into the gloom of this dank prison has come the King Himself, an unexpected rescuer. Yet we sense that He has known all along that His servant is languishing here, and has merely been biding His time until the lesson is fully absorbed. Thus, there is little chance of the speaker's repeating his error.
This is a very accessible poem, to which many Christians (and all of the sincere ones) will readily relate. The sudden arrival of salvation is like light shining into darkness, that transforms even as it startles the person on whom it falls. With awareness and hope will come reverence and praise. You've done full justice to the source in Matthew and the ending is very satisfying. No preaching here ... just illustration! This gets across the message most effectively.
Very Nicely Done,
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-08-24 14:23:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
I find this beautiful. The concept of true forgiveness for the most horrific of of deeds, the betrayal into crucifixion of Jesus by Judas,reassures each of us that though we regularly betray the people around us by seeing them as other than of God, we will be forgiven by a power greater than we can even conceive. In this poem, Judas is given a new life, and isn't that a beautiful concept? I really can't think of a correction to make, except to ask if there should be a comma after "skeletal".
Thank you for this poem,
Rene
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