This Poem was Submitted By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-07 17:54:28 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Echoes From The Sea
After the storm, winds scour
the sky to lapis and along
the shoreline, quiet voices
of the dead blow out to sea.
Ancient people believed
that drowned souls lived on
in seals and in this eldritch
stretch of seascape, anything
seems possible.
Bruised moss on scattered
stones marks the passage
of others before me and I
feel a need to follow
the melody of souls
to the deep. Rising sea-sighs
lure as surely as smells
of sea asphodels. Soon I
sense an increasing gravity
as if I'm in a burrow
in the ocean bed with cold
and golden tones circling
my head. A womb-oneness
with the sea:
my first glance reveals
a vast symphony of seals. |
|
Copyright © September 2003 Mell W. Morris
Additional Notes:
A salute to Seamus Heaney and his shared
memories of Irish myth and lore.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-10-04 09:59:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hah! I got to access this one from the finalists' list! I can't navigate the site otherwise (computer system problems from installing new software that obviously isn't working 100%) ... just wanted to pass along my enjoyment of the piece. It's lovely in all respects and has your trademark internal thyme and keen ear for sonics. All those s's ... I can almost feel the sea wind.
"Asphodel" has to be one of the most wonderful flower names ever invented! Womb-oneness is just perfect to link us with the sea, as blood and water share the salt. My favorite passage, though, is this:
Bruised moss on scattered
stones marks the passage
of others before me and I
feel a need to follow
the melody of souls
to the deep. Rising sea-sighs
lure as surely as smells
of sea asphodels.
I can see and hear everything, and the sensory impressions pass like breath on skin. Your contemplation of the souls' fates, being roiled in currents or indwelling beneath seals' breasts, augments the mystical element of the shoreline. Heaney may be your role model and inspirational force but you don't imitate him; you use your own voice to sing your words onto the pages. I find each piece even more memorable than the last, if that's possible.
Much enjoyed,
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-10-01 16:35:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Mell, I did not do a lot of critiques this month but wanted to read what other's had identified as being the cream of the crop. This poem is definetly that.Very nice imagery,good specific detail and beautiful form and language. I truly enjoyed this. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-09-29 21:07:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.35294
Dear Mell,
I have read some Heaney and liked him well but never with the deep returning he breathes in you. You love him so well--I thought I should really revisit him. Stop by. : ) I found a nice website that has recordings of his work. He uses such a strech of language and I am always moved by his innerward voice that turns to look at the self as carefully as those without. He turns a poem on it head over and over. I love that. "Personal Helicon" is just a wonderful example of this and also an endearing exploration of why we write.
Your poem caputes the hard syllable count of his work and the vibation of line endings. And of course your own voice rolls through.
After the storm, winds scour
the sky to lapis and along
the shoreline, quiet voices
of the dead blow out to sea.
Ancient people believed
that drowned souls lived on (do you need the that?)
in seals and in this eldritch
stretch of seascape, anything
seems possible.
Bruised moss on scattered
stones marks the passage
of others before me and I
feel a need to follow
the melody of souls (I am not sure you need "souls" here as something else might lead us to deeper detail)
to the deep. Rising sea-sighs
lure as surely as smells
of sea asphodels. Soon I
sense an increasing gravity
I like very much the returning to the seals and the joy of your wading into language.
Thanks again,
Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: Drenda D. Cooper On Date: 2003-09-25 08:50:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Mell, you have intrigued me with references to Seamus Heaney to the point where Imust seek out his poetry to read for myself. Shame on me with my love of the sea and my "Irish" roots (is he Irish, Scottish or ?) OF course, I may be disappointed, as I doubt that his works outshine your own.. Your poems have the ability to "transport' the reader into your world whatever subject you happen to be writing on at the moment..Whether it be "unrequited love", "music", or the "sea"--your words become a living example of the subject that touches the universal chord in every reader while maintaining a unique and individual "perspective"...
YOu, dear Mell, are quickly becoming my own "Seamus" as far as inspiration..I just hope I may find the inspiration to put down words again soon.........I am working on one but it is slow in coming-I tend to choose such "dry" subjects at times, but that appears to be something over which the poet has little control, Huh? One example of one that came "easily" or "inspired" was my "The Wall." I find that writing poetry with my muse on my shoulder is so muchmore fun than when he/she has "flown the coop."
"After the storm, winds scour
the sky to lapis and along
the shoreline, quiet voices
of the dead blow out to sea.
Ancient people believed
that drowned souls lived on
in seals and in this eldritch
stretch of seascape, anything
seems possible."
The first line is beautiful and the second line is one of those rare instances when the needed explanation is incorporated effortlessly into the poem without a hitch. ..even with the vocabulary expanding use of "eldritch" and the poetic stretch of words "souls lived on in seals and in this eldritch stretch of seascape" ---once again your unique hallmark...
"Bruised moss on scattered
stones marks the passage
of others before me and I
feel a need to follow
the melody of souls
to the deep. Rising sea-sighs
lure as surely as smells
of sea asphodels. Soon I
sense an increasing gravity"
Brilliant use of phrasing and poetic language in the above...I repeat myself to say that you have the ability to "transport" the reader to greater heights of grace in just the reading of these gloriously descriptive phrases. And another repeating is the internal rhyming that never ceases to amaze the reader--not that it is there ..but that it is so skillfully done as to bring the reader to his knees ....
"as if I'm in a burrow
in the ocean bed with cold
and golden tones circling
my head. A womb-oneness
with the sea:
my first glance reveals
a vast symphony of seals"
You give the reader new and marvelous eyes through which to see the sea and seals and new ears with which to hear the music of your soul..and a new heartbeat with which to measure the value of true poetry.......
I remain your most "transfixed" fan to date...........drenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-12 21:16:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Mell:
First, Happy Birthday! And it is so like you to give a gift to others on your
birthday. Though I know you posted this a few days ago, I found it today. And
so I count my blessings.
After the storm, winds scour
the sky to lapis and along
the shoreline, quiet voices
of the dead blow out to sea.
Ancient people believed
that drowned souls lived on
in seals and in this eldritch
stretch of seascape, anything
seems possible.
This gives me shivers which seem to reach within my bones. "quiet voices/of the dead"
speak to me through your words here. I am comforted and at the same time bereft. When
one is feeling sad, it's good to go deep into the feeling, and you allow readers to
journey on this poem. There are so many reasons why this poem is personally meaningful
to me, and it might seem odd to list them now, but I will mention some of them. The
sea has always been my place of personal retreat to deal with sorrows. Your mention
of "drowned souls" that "loved on/in seals" is incredibly personal for me. As you
know, I lost my son, and his birthday is -- soon. He had changed his major to
marine biology just before his death. That last summer, he frequented the waters
where harbor seals lived in his sailboat and kayak.
Bruised moss on scattered
stones marks the passage
of others before me and I
feel a need to follow
the melody of souls
to the deep. Rising sea-sighs
lure as surely as smells
of sea asphodels. Soon I
sense an increasing gravity
as if I'm in a burrow
in the ocean bed with cold
and golden tones circling
my head. A womb-oneness
with the sea:
my first glance reveals
a vast symphony of seals.
It's too beautiful and emotionally affecting for me to write more now.
Anyway, I can't see. I think of him there with "a vast symphony of seals."
It's eerie, as though somehow in remembering Seamus, you have helped me
remember Mark doing what he loved.
Incredible writing, Mell.
All my best, always
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-09-10 17:11:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
How melodic can words sing, this is an Irish toned poem for sure. I can picture, the craggy rock stren coast, picure the waves of the North Alantic waves breasting those rocks, smell the moss covering the rocks, crush by bodies who preceded you. I'm there, I meld right into this poem, the essence of sensation flow, and I feel the Irish lSeal mist, with free swimming seals, capable of swimming freely, and the concept for me ring true, but then you know how I feel about our energy flow leaving our bodies, yet it's purpose is the universal cosmos, blending back into the energy mass, so the myth rings more vibrantly in the sensations some feel. When I read poetry, my preference is to share and feel every sensation, throse alluded to but deep beyond the simply phrases. That's just me I guess, trying to be in tune with those forces I'm a part of. I don't take anything for granted, and I look for discovery to true sensation, and this poem has all the qualities of a well written poem, that should automatically affect the senses of true poety lovers, those that enjoy the mythical, yet are one on one with the cosmos, and we know the tides and water dominate our senses, this poem is full of sensation, of course the style, the descritives are placed with care, and notes on a music sheet. Once again you accomplish the feeling of living the myth, of being there with all the sounds, and smells and visualization of the seals, which to me is one beautiful Irish myth. Perfectly enjoyable, and even tyoing this with one eye closed affords me the opportunity of focusing on the actual wording, I would have critiqued it at any cost. I have an eye appointment on the 30th, so maybe the Surgeon will afford me the chance to see everything with clatrity once again, for right now it's very difficult to read and respnd.
I could never deny my Friend/Girl a response. It's always a pleasure, and I won;t be foretting this poem, it's beautiful, full of ambiance, the intent maintained, the format great, but then hey, what do I know, just think I love it, and would respond at any cost, only total blinness might put a dent in my ability, but I could always get someone to trype my words, I believe I could dictate all the sensations I feel. Yes friend/girl I deal with the possibility of bliness, my Mother went blind about my age. and being blue eyed doesn't make my eyes the dominant color. We'll know on the 30th of the Month, say a prayer, I do want to see properly again. My love friend/girl you have turned out to be one great poet, thanks to Shamus, what a guide, and I'm glad you introduced him to me......Good Luck, Love Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-10 07:46:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Echoes from the Sea is a fitting title for this poem my friend for your words certainly do provide the setting from the very beginning....I stood by once and watched a raging storm from the top of a cliff and I must say it was a wonderful sight....the winds how they howled and one might have thought you could have heard the voices within these howls.......you could bring it all to life......with each high wave that rolled in and out the sounds came and went......perhaps drowned souls do indeed live within the seals on a certain stretch of beach.....the second stanza to me appears to be reaching out further in a singing effect.....since the words just appear to be floating about rather then jumping out....a peaceful kind of read indeed, very nice my friend...bruised moss on scattered stones......nice images projected here as well.....gives one a feeling of not being alone for others have indeed travelled this path before......Do not you enjoy going to places that others have been and I mean from days of old .....like when pirates may have walked the same area of time and space...how thrilling and this poem could do just that bring you far back in time.......
as if I'm in a burrow
in the ocean bed with cold
and golden tones circling
my head. A womb-oneness
with the sea:
my first glance reveals
a vast symphony of seals.
how anyone can mix cold and golden tones circling my head and make it come out warm and beautiful is a wonder to me though you have done it with this line......as it circles my head......again, beauty in motion. Thank you my friend for posting and sharing this piece with us.......it is well deserving of this months praise and contest.......be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Brandon Gene Petit On Date: 2003-09-09 17:08:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A great and recognized reference to the Irish folklore ; I've heard the seal myth
before. You paint a somewhat dark yet alluring picture, I am surrounding by the
mysterious grey turbulence of the sea. I, too, share your longing to seek out the
souls in the deep. The sea, like the sky, is another great plane of ultimate freedom
that beckons us to retreat from our grounded mortal shells. The womb reference is cool,
and I like you re-hinted at the seal thing at the end. Good work ; your soul has much
to say, as I can tell from your work overall.
- Brandon
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-09 10:21:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
To be at the depths of the sea and view this feeling you have given me. You know, how I am with the sea and how it gives me solace. To express the spirit of those gone within the seals is really astonishing to me for I can hear them make their noises to let me know they haven't left. Will we follow this procession; I think so for our spirits will always be alive. I also love myth and lore my favorite subject as a child.
Excellent Mell although I haven't read many yet this is right on top. Love the format and length as well.
You have made the structure appealing for this reader. Thanks for sharing. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2003-09-08 22:18:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hey-
I fell off and landed here.
Hurry girl; bring the beer.
T.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-09-08 20:13:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like the atmosphere of this piece, the almost melancholy wonder by the sea, the other-worldliness
of it. Reminds me of a movie I once saw "Secret of Rohn Innish" (?sp)with the fogs, the seas, the seals...
the selkie myth...almost like you are wrapping yourself into a sealskin like a selkie and joining
with the seals in chorus. Good writing, Mell.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-08 16:14:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dearest Mell,
Well I think you have gone and done it again...written a beautiful
piece of poetry which I am sure will touch everyone who reads it.
..."winds scour the sky"...I love this line..never thought of wind as
scouring but it does. "Ancient people believed that drowned souls lived
on in seals in this eldtrich stretch of seascape." This line give us
the meaning of this poem and compells the reader to continue as we don't
want to miss anything the poet has to say...."bruised moss on scattered
stones"...great imagery as you have perfectly captured the way moss
looks when it has been stepped on repeatedly...."Soon I sense an
increasing gravity"...something is about to happen...read on..don't miss
it...."as if I am in a burrow in the ocean bed."...and then a wonderful
phrase that is so inventive..."a womb-oneness with the sea"...your talent
as a poet is really showing here..."my first glance reveals a vast
symphony of seals." So the drowned souls do live on after all. I do not
know who Seamus Heaney is but I wish I did...this is just lovely and I
am so glad I found it before it had a chance to float off into TPL's
black hole of poems.
Be well...Marilyn
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