This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-08 14:41:49 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Little Man I saw your wee face
and limp was my heart
Eyes of violet, skin
brushed with heaven's hues
What will you be my little man?
A tinker, a piper, a Shaman?
A baker, a banker, a dapper Dan?
Embrace life, my tiny one
surround days with serenity
give dignity to serendipity
hold fast my melted heart |
|
Copyright © September 2003 marilyn terwilleger
Additional Notes:
To my new great-grandson, Caden, born August 12, 2003
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 12:22:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.41304
No one understands these words better than a grandparent or great-grandparent.
Outstanding piece of work especially in showing the heart melting. Cycle of
life repeated again and what will the future hold we can only dream. You have
also presented a wide range future directions for this wee little one and no
matter which one he chooses your heart has been given to him.
Like the shortness to this piece and the impact it gives this reader.
Congradulations. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-09-26 00:11:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Hi Marilyn,
This is such a sweet sweet dedication to your wonderful great grandson “Caden”! Congratulations to a new member of your husband’s proud name!
“I saw your wee face
and limp was my heart”
--- This alone touched my sensitivity! I like the idea on how the “wee face” made your heart limp. You captured perfectly that gentle and fragile moment!
“Eyes of violet, skin
brushed with heaven's hues”
--- Then, you bring colors to this unforgettable moment! It is like a celebration of life! The touch of your words is truly heavenly!
“What will you be my little man?
A tinker, a piper, a Shaman?
A baker, a banker, a dapper Dan?”
--- I like how you address your great grandson as “Little Man”. It serves as an indication that someday he would be somebody with great ambition, a man with great responsibility, somebody you can be proud of.
“Embrace life, my tiny one
surround days with serenity
give dignity to serendipity
hold fast my melted heart”
--- “Embrace life” is such a strong word! You left such challenging yet achievable point of view. The adjective “tiny” shows his delicate status and dependability with family. “Surround days with serenity” is a calm and quiet advise. “Give dignity to serendipity” is a humble encouragement of your legacy. “Hold fast my melted heart” is a wonderful assurance from a grandma that tenderly and unconditionally loves her “Little Man”. Bravo with this!
Kudos on your wonderful work here Marilyn! I never expected this simple poem would bring a deep impression to me! What an inspiring words to share! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! I sure cherish every moment of it! Excellent!
As always,
Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-25 13:48:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
What a fine name and what a lovely tribute. I am sure this one will
be laminated and framed for Caden to enjoy when he begins to read.
I saw your wee face
and limp was my heart
Eyes of violet, skin
brushed with heaven's hues
The use of words like "wee," "tinker," "dapper" - do much to put us in touch with the
"wee ones" heritage - an important gift to him in itself. "heaven's hues"
is a lovely phrase.
surround days with serenity
give dignity to serendipity
The previous two lines are the most amazingly constructed phrases and as well
as sounding beautiful - with those sweet syllibant s's they have much meaning to
contemplate - especially the second line of it - sound advice indeed!
"hold fast my melted heart..."
Is a little mixed a metaphor - on the literal level
wonderful piece for one of life's great-grandest moments
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2003-09-12 11:43:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Marilyn,
Sometime poetry is not to be critiqued by enjoyed. This is one of those for me. I went for the ride and loved the view. I am a former nursary nurse. I would hold my little bundles and talk to them about there futures. I would say things like, "Good morning, Madame President, welcome to our world" or "So, you are the attorney for the defendant?". The other nurses used to tease me about it. Anyway, you now know why I like this poem.
A great read and wonderful image to behold. Caden is a joy for all who believe in humanity.
Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-09-11 00:00:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Beautiful poem to greet your "great"? grandson. Oh my! A sweet poem for a little boy
but I doubt there'll be much serenity around... that does not seem to fit most newborns that
I know!!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-09-10 10:34:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
My Gosh, I've fallen in love with Caden, and I havn't ever seen him, but from the wee man to the eyes of violet your descriptives wrenched at my heart, it brought me back to the Birth of my Granddaugter Vivienne, she to fitas that descriptive, right to the violet eyes, apparent right at bith and still as fluid as gold, she stops grown me with that angekic face, and you know God has something very special for her, so your boy would melt my heart, and I envy your placement as his Great Grandmother, how terrific for you Marilyn, I've only reached Grandmother, my oldest Grandchild be eighteen, may Jonathan will give that illusterious distinction of Great Grandman soon, at least once he's finished college and settled down to familyhood. I can;t tell you how glorious it must be seeing that second generation to you being born, and what it must me to all the family members. Wonderfuly articulated poem to Caden, a touch of Irish sentiment seems to seep through your descruiptive of the wee one, and being part Irish, and Indian blood I love the reference to shasrman, the poem wonderfully covers your genealogical tree, and that's a wonderful legacy.
Love it Marily an very well poem, that brings a rusg of sentiment to this old woman.
My Granddaughters will be spending the weekend of my Birthday week with me, and I'm so excited, every time they come and spend quality time, all the girls have my eyes, which people always comment on, but Vivienne's eyes ate a standout, a legacy she will have forever, and maybe pass on which would thrill me no end. My legacy, my Grandchildren, so for me a very significant poem with all the qualities of love...Beautiful, My love always, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-09 18:33:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Marilyn:
What a joyous poem! I can feel your love for this new baby, the little man, in every phrase.
He is fortunate to have a talented grandmother and uncle and Caden may someday write in
"cadence" as they do. (Sorry, I couldn't resist in a poetic family).
"I saw your wee face
and limp was my heart.
Eyes of violet, skin
brushed with heaven's hues."
He sounds beautiful with violet eyes and I'll wager your heart was limp (I like that term) while
your eyes were filled with happy tears. "Skin brushed with heaven's hues" is exquisitely stated.
It could also be heaven's "dews" but I prefer hues.
"What will you be, my little man?
A tinker, a piper, a shaman?
A baker, a banker, a dapper Dan?"
Your three end rhymes provide harmony and your choices of occupations brought a smile to me altho
you excluded poet. Of course, a piper is a musician so he's still in the arts. Only my treasured
Marilyn would write "shaman" because of the love of native American life and lore. Now dapper Dan with
violet eyes and heavenly-tinted skin may be a given.
"Embrace life, my tiny one,
surround days with serenity;
give dignity to serendipity,
hold fast my melted heart."
Two end rhymes here and I especially enjoy "give dignity to serendipity." I very much like the notion of a grandmother's telling an infant to "embrace life"...that is sensitively rendered or rendered with
sensitivity. Both are true. The fourteen susurrant sounds: sssssssss....make it feel like you are
whispering these words to Caden.
I know your heart is melted and I share your joy and pride in little man because you shared him
with us. Simply wonderful, my friend.
Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-09-08 17:26:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn,
What a great birthday, (literally), present. Caden can carry this with him always.
Something tells me that your children and your grandchildren would tell me that
you've been a GREAT GRANDMOTHER for some time now.
Oh yeah...the poem...you so completely communicate your joy in these 12 lines.
I love, "give dignity to serendipity". Joy is made of such. Congratulations. I think
your heart is in good hands.
Rick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-08 15:44:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I saw your pretty face
And wrapped my fingers
Around your heart
I thought to myself
Who is this lady
Of great stature
That holds me close to her heart
Its Great Grand-Mother Twerlleger
And do you know what
We loved each other
Right from the start
From me to you with love, Claire
Love the poem written for a new great grandson and how proud your words show the deep emotions attached to such a great feast....the Lord blesses His children over and over in life and my dear friend He has blessed you once again and in a very special way. So enjoyed the images brought forth with the words as you placed them within each line. Thank you for sharing, be safe and God Bless, Claire
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