This Poem was Submitted By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2003-09-08 23:03:53 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Looking Back

As the water left town she carried me ‘way and down it swiftly pushed on ‘til later, much later, I dropped into SimpliCity, a complex of canals under hard streets with harder denizens, but I screamed (like she can’t) and heard the echo run and tell, they found me at the bottom of - Come hell or high water I won’t go back I’d said and swore that’s just what happened though now I'm here to tell you ‘bout  how dark the river gets at night, how cold it is without no light; and why the voices of you might be, a perfect song for a bum like me.

Copyright © September 2003 Thomas Edward Wright


This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-06 09:01:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55882
Thomas you leave so much up to the imagination of the reader and that I like. You made me think about floating on the river that so quickly lifted you from the shore along her path. The rider overcomes the turbulance by finding a place to grasp. Your calls heard, then voices to show that you have been found giving you a sense of relief. Now I dig deeper into the poem looking for the analogy you have maybe presented this reader. Could it be life's steady stream we have encountered, finding turbulance, trying to crasp something to find solid ground once again. Could it be in search of being heard and music is felt when someone pays attention. Just some thoughts. You forced this reader to think about the words, the activity, and maybe even the hidden thought behind the poem. Well done. Tom


This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-09-26 00:11:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.20000
Hi Thomas, At first reading, I was not able to get what you want to impart here but after I read it many times, I begin to smile and giggle on the scenario. Again, you display your trademark of playfulness with words and thoughts. :) I don’t know if the subject is about a “dry leaf” that was drifted out of the (simpli) city, going through the canals of the city. This can also be interpreted as a “bum” person that left the city with sad memories, unresolved disputes and feeling of reject. Both is very much a perfect subject as the lines continuously described it. The like how the message of the poem remains a mystery – somehow with double meaning. I perceived a deep and profound emotion that surrounds the poem. I like how the sense of realization reveals in the lines: “How dark the river gets at night” “How cold it is without no light” “Why the voices of you might be a perfect song for a bum like me”. --- Lyrically done! Outstanding! Kudos on your fine work here Thomas! Again, another entertaining piece with choice of words that is very effective! Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Another top-notch! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2003-09-18 10:11:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Land Ho, Do thy antennae twitch? This toehold of the realm has become very inhospitable to the noxious vapors: my kingdom is not of THIS world. I'm hauling on the bowline, changing sail, and heading back to Continent Europa (aka the ranch). I'll have a fork and a blistered dog reserved for thee. As to the poem, roll it up and put it in the dead bottle of Costa Russi. Toss it far with thy mighty right arm, into the sea. It may serve to restore hope in a marooned brother, and there be a few. Nox
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-12 20:50:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Thomas: You kept your promise; now I must keep mine. "I dropped into SimpliCity, a complex of canals under hard streets with harder denizens" A poem noir - cool jazz, with dialogue like a bass solo. "There are a thousand stories in the naked city and this is just one. . ." but I screamed (like she can’t) and heard the echo run and tell, they found me at the bottom of - Tell it, Jack. Come hell or high water I won’t go back I’d said and swore that’s just what happened though now "If a person waits long enough, good things are bound to happen." I'm here to tell you ‘bout how dark the river gets at night, how cold it is without no light; and why the voices of you might be, a perfect song for a bum like me. Yes, it's often dark and cold. But a little night light, an itty bitty book lite is shining, and a little wheel's a turnin'! I must tell you the story of my narrow escape. Later. :) Take care, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-09-10 22:44:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Sounds like a dream I had once after embibing one of those cheap box type vinos one night. I shaketh my head over this one Thomas... albeit not negatively. It's a rebounding culmination of twisted thoughts that well.. seem to get more twisted with each line. At the end of this one, I was sure I'd been somewhere and back and dowsed with some uncomprehendable explaination for the trip, but doggonit, I have no friggin idea where and why. This evolves with an odd and oblique manner of representation. I'll just say this then... you play a real good bum, Thomas! Cheerz, t
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-09 13:32:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
T. And what a way to return...a parody in an Ebbin' Flood. (Sorry, couldn't resist.) I don't think the denizens of Simple City are that hardened...they like to go to the forum in their best togas or togs and they can get mean there...hurling insults, denigrating denizens or immigrants, and an et tu or two. It's a means of population control because after one of their best glads scores a triumphant hit, an offended denizen leaves the forum and Simple City. I really think your title is too reminiscent of a romantic musing so I would call it "Yell From The Well" which would resonate swell with echoes from the sea. I always knew the songs of the sirens (among the denizens) would pull you back to S.C. as they always brought out the bum in you. A funny, funny return, T. Welcome. Best, Mell O'Circe
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-09-09 10:18:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
not much to do nights in SimpliCity, but come hell or high water there is a bunch of laurels waitin' somewhere for the tale tellin' of a bum like you
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-09-09 03:37:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This brief poem runs through the end like a a water flowing from a certain start and ends at a certain point. It serves to remember the dark experience in the past that the speaker won't no longer look back as he is now freed. It seems that the freedom he gets is caused by that dear woman who the speaker is longing. The presentation is effective as it let me feel the emotions of the speaker and goog that the ending, "and why the voices of you might be, a perfect song for a bum like me." -gives me a relief. The use of apostrophe to represent a letter like in 'way, 'til, etc. creates a poetic effect. The use of proper noun in this line "I dropped into SimpliCity" suggests orignality and it is a good point. The last four stanza catches my attension as they are made to rhyme such as night/light, be/me and this. It seems to enhance the idea of relief from the dark expeiences. I appreciate your artistry, Mark. Best regards, Jordan
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