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This Poem was Submitted By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-09-20 13:57:42 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Wall

Her friends know how to mend her heart in ruins, know how to save it. Advice flows in unwrapped lumps, clumps of pap like bad gravy. She's not a languish-in- anguish type but the scent of him made her pure verb. Squared the circle. Music her surcease, her sole release. Lines define her ramparts falling, the wall kept in place friable, fracting in shards and traces. Go on, she will. The daze of healing. Her scar will turn to proud flesh, a reminder of love spurned and her well-earned badge of courage.

Additional Notes:
For EMW.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-07 10:00:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Mell what do I see in this poem? I see hurt not by the poet but by a friend. I see those knowing the feelings as the support to carry her on. I see her actions were made by just the words that he said, his closeness made her unravel. Her need was great yet the hurt was deep. The wound will heal, but never fanish. I like your analogy of the wall coming straight upon it without realizing there was noway around it. This is another of your poems that makes the reader dig. Outstanding. Earlier you asked me the question about my poem and I haven't had a chance to respond. You were right about the poem being the poet for I am strapped there is no release from love when it is found. Unlike this poem of yours mine was about no matter what happens I can never escape my love for it is entrenched within this soul. Hope that helps a little in making mine clearer. You made me think about that with this poem so a job well done. Tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2003-09-26 13:32:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mell, Wondeful poem. Bravo. Mark Brevity is the soul of wit. And sh-t in this instance. Mine . . . not yours. Not by my ton. :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Drenda D. Cooper On Date: 2003-09-25 08:19:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
Mell, you are in a place that I envy right now...that place on the cusp of inspiration (despite the pain that may come with it at times) and you are turning out one beauty after another in quick succession..I read all of your poems (over and over and over) for I feel they rival some of the best every written (any time period, any style) and if this continues "notoriety" may enter your life as your poetry is recognized for what it is..."GGGRRREEEAAATTTT!!" YOur "The Wall" epitomizes the broken hearted one whose love (for whatever reason) has not been returned--and typifies a feeling that even though "universal" in scope remains uniquely "individual" on a purely personal level. You know how to take every day words to new highs in descriptive imagery which always "show" the reader rather than tell him as is the criteria of good poetry.........."flows in unwrapped lumps, clumps of pap like bad gravy." ..whether in your "down-to-earth similes........."She's not a languish-in- anguish type but the scent of him made her pure verb. Squared the circle.".................or your atypical metaphors....you manage to hit the nail on the head..just from a "different angle"............in the language of the poet.. "Music her surcease, her sole release. Lines define" In just the short space above, you show your love of music which shines through most of your works..and at the same time show your unique "style of writing" with the run-on internal rhyming that has become your "hallmark." "Go on, she will. The daze of healing. Her scar will turn to proud flesh, a reminder of love spurned and her well-earned badge of courage." The last verse shows a "spunky" strength that nearly everyone admires in anyone...I absolutely loved the "daze of healing" which I stretched into a double meaning --both the "days" and the "daze" and you chose the right one to use here...And of course not a verse without that "hallmark"....."love spurned and well-earned".......Kudoes once again..............drenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-09-24 21:00:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Dear Mell, She's not a languish-in- anguish type but the scent of him made her pure verb. Squared the circle. These lines are so good. The rest of the lines are not as tight or as riveting. I wonder by using the rhythm and direction of these lines as a guide, if you could use them to continue this great idea you start here. Thanks so much, Jane

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-09-22 12:28:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mell, Where to begin? There may be many reasons that this poem has such an immedite effect on me, but none more to the fore than the pure eloquence of the composition. Her friends know how to mend her heart in ruins, know how to save it. Advice flows in unwrapped lumps, clumps of pap like bad gravy. You have accurately priced the value of advice. The opening line, concerning her friends, can be read as sarcasm or can serve as a differentiation between friends, who know better than to offer advise and everyone else who only know to offer advise. She's not a languish-in- anguish type but the scent of him made her pure verb. Squared the circle. Your naturally occurring rhymes are the best of just about any poet I have ever read. The line, "made her, pure verb. Squared the circle", is as "textured as texture gets. Music her surcease, her sole release. Lines define her ramparts falling, the wall kept in place friable, fracting in shards and traces. I realize, dear Mell, that you it must get tedious for you when folks mention your unbelievable grasp of vocabulary and your exacting use of words and terms, but it is impossible do write an accurate critique without mentioning it. Every word has a precise definition fitting its position in the work. Extraordinary!!! Go on, she will. The daze of healing. Her scar will turn to proud flesh, a reminder of love spurned and her well-earned badge of courage. "Her scar will turn to proud flesh." This is quotable, meaning of course, I will. I take her, "well earned badge of courage" to mean at least two things. 1. She will bear the anguish of carrying on with dignity. Love the "daze of healing" by the way. 2. She will have the courage to risk it all again, and again, and again, if need be. A little wiser but no less sensitive to the joy and the sorrow of existence. I hate this contest business Mell, but if justice exists, (a laughable notion at best), this work has the other poems submitted thus far, casting shadows. You amaze, Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-09-20 18:02:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80952
Hi, you had me going around with this one, to me it's the most concret poem you've written that I've seen, but I think I understand your use of so much metaphor, you never do really say what caused the hurt so grevious, a break, a death, some kind of falling out. To me the use of friable. refracting seem to strongly indicate how the woman listen to all the advice, some worthy, some not so helpful, yet it offered her a comfort zone, a networking so important when an ending has happened, in your usage of adjectives, and verbs, all descriptive of ones immediate world breaking up over the relationship thats ended, but I also get the strong sensation of the usage of this particulatr title, The Wall, affected, and crumbling, distorted from your use of refracting, all the segemts are there, but she is strong, and will gather herself, and the wall won't fall, her character to me is preseneted very strong in your choice of projection. I really don't know who the dedication is to, but I feel a great deal of admiration, for her ultimate spirit and spunk. Oh yes, memories will remain, and it might be that a strong association of what the relationship meant may effect her in the future, but she is strong, she's shown she has gumption, and the willpower to show her strength. We all learn from circumstances all of us have dealth with and if anything that networking helps so much, to know that others are affected by the hurt one is experiencing. Quite a poem Mell, and maybe I understood it, and maybe I didn't, but I sure admire your word use, expecially using the word refracting, the only time with regularity has been in conjunction with all the great telescopes, that use multiple lens to create one solid image, when the hurt is grevious I know it feels like shards break apart and create a distortion, yet I know there are those that would identify with the word refracting, it's almost how the familar world throughn heart, and mind would affect a romantic woman, but once gathering all the loose components together rhyme and reason return to a romantic woman also, and she does go on, a few more scars for sure, but women can and do go on. It's neat writing actually, and if this poem had been written by anyone other then you, I would have bypassed it, but I know you always present intent in cunning ways, and you make us find the reasoning behind the word usage, to me it's all sensation as to how it really way. Smooth, like a well written piece, even using the cosmos in regard to refracting, all very descriptive. If I've read it wrong I expect you to be completely honest and open in your response as to what I missed, ok? Love, always, Jo

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-09-20 15:08:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
A very symbolic piece reinforced by the use of figurative language like simile, metaphor, etc. And oh, this is a dedication For EMW. Im sure this is inspiring and enlightening to her. This laconic ( I mean short and concise) is very descriptive and symbolic in nature. From the title itself, the readers would be enticely intrigued to read to unveil its symbol. And this poem completes everything that the girl is like. And it is inspiring to note that the amidst her frailties she was able to prove ultimately that her wall's fortification is more than strong her friends could imagine. The entrance is apt to begin to describe the quality she has: Her friends know how to mend her heart in ruins, know how to save it. ----it shows that she is very close to her friends that all about her is known like how to console her, and everything. The use of the simile 'like bad gravy' concretizes the idea of advice that is being pointed out. I especially like the description here: but the scent of him made her pure verb. -I can sense the love, the admiration... The man could be the author. The use of the idiomatic expression 'Squared the circle.' created an impact and it is effective. Just a little suggestion in these lines: of pap like bad gravy ---like [a] bad gravy? of him made her pure verb. -I am thinking putting 'a' to have 'a pure verb'. kept in place friable, fracting -I think you can just put 'fraction' instead of 'fracting' because 'fraction' is adjective in intself. Her scar will turn to proud flesh -i also suggest putting 'a' to have 'a proud flesh'. Well, these suggestions might be trivial and they did not harm the totality of your wonderful artistry. And you just ended the poem with an inspiring and hopeful thought: Her scar will turn to proud flesh, a reminder of love spurned and her well-earned badge of courage. This is a great poem to dedicate to her, Mark. Thank you very much for sharing. Best regards, Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-09-20 14:57:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Mell: To paraphrase Rick, "Woman O Woman!" I am struck by the universal nature of this piece, in spite of (or maybe because of) its specificity. The one to whom it is dedicated has a friend who understands her pain and courage. Life usually offers only a few with such depth of understanding as will aid us in our healing at such time of loss. Some say that a broken relationship hurts as much and sometimes more than a death, because death obliterates all future hope within this lifetime, and we will not encounter the lost beloved in a restaurant or airport. Like other fans of foreign films, I am most most by the overall feel of this artform - visuals, and most of all, the music, the sounds of speech. The essence of feeling distilled into symbolic form. You accomplish ALL of these in this 'film noire' with a hopeful ending. Her badge of "courage" shows her to be a survivor, though her scar is yet forming around the fresh wound. Yet you do not offer such platitudes or "clumps of pap." Her friends know how to mend her heart in ruins, know how to save it. Advice flows in unwrapped lumps, clumps of pap like bad gravy. Wonderful euphony is your trademark music- "know how/flows" and "unwrapped pap" as well as "lumps/clumps." She's not a languish-in- anguish type but the scent of him made her pure verb. Squared the circle. "pure verb" tells us volumes - discreetly, yet passionately. To carry the film analogy further, a close-up scene of the couple beginning to embrace, a wind blowing curtains to shield from viewer's eyes their merging. Music her surcease, her sole release. Lines define her ramparts falling, the wall kept in place friable, fracting in shards and traces. WOW! It isn't often I've encountered the word "friable" or "fracting" - perhaps the latter is a newly-coined word, and these are among my favorites to find within a poem. Brilliant and yet discreet enough not to detract from the mood of the piece. I found a reference to "fracting" by doing a Web search, and found that it is a term used in alchemy for clarifying. It could be the clarification of a metal by heating it to a liquid form. The word also suggests "fracture/fractals/fractions" to me. "Friable" is a word I've heard a doctor use in reference to flesh - flesh is "friable" if it is weakened, tending to crumble or disintegrate. "The wall/kept in place friable" suggests a crumbling wall. The space - the drop to "in shards and traces" expertly shows us the disintegration caused to the tender psyche of the referrent by the emotional blow of the event which left "her heart in ruins." Go on, she will. The daze of healing. Her scar will turn to proud flesh, a reminder of love spurned and her well-earned badge of courage. "love spurned" has the sound of "burn" etched into it, and the words "daze/scar/flesh" suggest an almost surgical excision. Again, the artful drop to the line "of courage" tells us that the bottom line of the subjust of this poem is that she will keep her dignity and regain her strength. I find it impossible not to generalize this poem in a way that may not be your intent. The loss could be read as a death, as a loss of physical health, or a major disappointment of many other kinds - but only the ones which are so visceral that they take away our ability to breathe deeply without anguish. Powerfully written, once more. Mell-ificent. Kudos and a laurel wreath tossed. . . All my best, Joanne

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