This Poem was Submitted By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-09-25 11:44:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Life at "Bottoms Up Lounge" Bottoms Up’s for pleasure seekers
donned in leather, ties and suits;
those escaping chilly beds
or tempted by another’s fruits
Wander in,
feast your eyes
Kill some time
in the haze and lies
In this temple sans windows
where faux tan idols rule
we goddesses of saline
reduce testosterone to drool
The Thursday night special
at a buck fifty a beer
guaranteed to drown your lust
in this vat of sleazy leers
Here we’re only biding our time
with these bodies worth ten grand
So don’t bother to anticipate,
go home to what’s “on hand”
No grocery store flowers
or “Russell Stover”
for these sleek lipo’d thighs
and “cups running over”
Don’t ever consider us
“to have and to hold”,
we’re just pursuing dreams
for that elusive centerfold
writhing on the bar,
straddling cold, chrome poles,
we hide in our shrine
behind alias roles
At 2 a.m. wallets are empty;
the pitiful at last drain the tap
A cell phone lost beneath a chair
lies victim of a dance on the lap
Smudged mascara, starked by fluorescence;
counting sacrifices poked in our thongs;
driving home with the “cruise” on denial,
we contemplate the rights and wrongs
We live by night and sleep by day
Such is life with “Bottoms Up”
Work at the art, subdue the soul
To be legends in synthetic "D" cups
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Copyright © September 2003 Terrye Godown
Additional Notes:
Here in Columbia, the notorious "Bottoms Up Lounge" awakens each evening and beckons it's congregation to "worship" services. However, if you listen closely, the "choir" here, can only manage to attain so much perfection...
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dawn Parker On Date: 2003-09-29 16:07:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Terrye,
What an interesting poem you have crafted! I like how you did it in the voices of the strippers...a glimpse into that world. It is playful in a sense, with lines like "faux tan idols rule", "goddesses of saline", "no grocery store flowers", "do not consider us 'to have and to hold'". And yet it is sobering in many other respects, "those escaping chilly beds", "straddling cold, chrome poles", "we hide in our shrine", "counting sacrifices poked in our thongs", "driving home with the cruise on denial"...these all speak to the reality of this life. Women who subdue the soul for money and a possible shot at the spotlight.
driving home with the “cruise” on denial,
we contemplate the rights and wrongs (One suggestion...this second line contradicts the first line, maybe you could say "we ignor the rights and wrongs...or we don't contemplate the rights and wrongs)
I have many times thought about the world's 'oldest profession' and have felt a tinge of pain for my fellow women who have chosen this path. Not quite understanding how they can suppress the emotions and pain that goes along with this type of life. Yet, we as a society place such high importance on the ultimate sexual body. It is fed to our consciousness via the media and images constantly.
You leave me thinking with this poem, which is really wonderful! Thank you for sharing such a creative and interesting piece!
Dawn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-09-29 15:42:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.09091
Terrye,
You crack me up! Likening a bar to a church. Not that far off base actually, since people
who drink and carouse on a regular basis are worshiping this stronghold like it is a God.
How insightful of you. This is chock full of cleaver little phrases that show how superficial
it is to Work at the art, subdue the soul To be legends in synthetic "D" cups. lol
Little rabbit trail here---one question, Columbia where? Just asking because I live in Kansas City area and my daughter used to live in Columbia, Mo.
Anyway, This is a fun tounge in cheek kind of poem.
I'm afraid the beginning line catches me up with the 's on Bottoms up.
I don't know why , it just makes me stumble right out of the gate.
I think I would lose the 's and it will flow better.
My personal favorite is:
"No grocery store flowers
or “Russell Stover”
for these sleek lipo’d thighs
and “cups running over”"
Nice ending too.
Good job Terrye!
Thanks for the entertainment,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Goff On Date: 2003-09-28 19:35:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Terrye, I love your satirical poke at this lounge, a clone to so many others of it's type. You describe the people, their moods, and the overall purpose of these places to a "T", or as you say a "D". Your words are playful, yet meaningful and even a little "biographical" in nature, meaning that you seem to be looking from the inside, out. Each stanza bounces to the next with excellent cadence and meter and end up a very approriate, yet not too lengthy, touching piece. Hurrah to the artist. Sincerely, JPJ.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-09-27 16:12:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47500
Hi Terrye,
I must tell you that I so enjoyed this piece...it is so graphic that
I could easily put myself in that bar...."we goddess of saline reduce
testostoron drool"...this is such a funny statement and so fitting for
this "Bottoms up lounge"..."bodies worth ten grand"...I suppose that is
very true to these lounge dancers...imagine having to spend that much
to keep your job!..."go home to whats on hand"..hilarious!!..."for these
sleek liop'd thighs and "cups running over"..great...."driving home with
the cruise on denial"...I have only been in one such bar and that was
many years ago but I couldn't help but wonder how these women justify
what they do for a living I guess they do it in hopes that they will
become famous or maybe they have children to feed and can make more
money dancing than waiting tables...who knows. You have given us a
peek into this world as well as giving the women, who entertain there,
a personality. Very enjoyable read...good imagery and full of humor.
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-27 12:58:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42105
Bottom's Up excellent title invites the reader into the lounge. Your first stanza is outstanding for you give the establishment so well defined. I see the smoke and the environment one walks into in the second bringing the reader deeper into the poem. In the third further description takes place letting me see the lack of windows, and artificial occupants roam looking to satisfy ones appitite (This to me was the best stanza).
In your fourth you do not let the patron wander but extend more opportunities to participate. So far this is a well structured and flowing poem. Now we reach the thought that is expressed in the fifth stanza where home has so much more to offer instead of drowning oneself in lust and sorrow. In the six and following stanza's you break the concentration for this reader because we now go back into the den of inequity and their is no way out. Just a thought. I thought this was an excellent poem, my only suggestion would to be to end your poem with the thought in the fifth stanza. Thanks so much for sharing a well written poem. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-09-25 14:19:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.51923
Poet from beginning to end this one is superb.....grand style of structure which allows the entire piece to continuously flow with the words you have chosen to represent not only the bar, the patrons, the girls within but the way things are progressing....makes you there......it is so real....of course not having one here in Tully might make a difference since I have neverbeen in such a place but it sure jumps.....seems hard to imagine this taking place every night of the week though.....great word rhyme as well.
Even the title fits this piece very very well.........congrats to you for such a piece. Thanks for sharing this with us. Be safe and God Bless, Claire
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