This Poem was Submitted By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-09-27 16:26:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Blinded

Blinded For how long? The lamp has refused to work. Every night, we  slump in the not-so-easy chair of  our one-room universe. Light steals in between the slivers  of the blinds. And in our sealed enclosure, how can we know car beams from the moon or streetlights from the stars?

Copyright © September 2003 C Arrownut


This Poem was Critiqued By: Litz Herschel On Date: 2003-10-05 13:46:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
C. I'm new on the site, but did want to look at a few poems and where better to look than on the contest list. Can't tell if you're male or female, which feels a little odd, but I'll get over it. Your poem struck me and I'm not sure why. Just the idea that we are all blinded psychol. and spiritually in some way. No one sees the entire picture objectively the way God does. Fascinating idea and one I must think on for a while. I especially like the words one-room universe, and take that to me our own little view of life and God. It might be better if you had added an s on universe to indicate the trillions that are and have been since time began. Other than that, it looks and reads like a fine poem. Good Luck in the contest. A Newcomer--Litz


This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen A. Morris On Date: 2003-10-05 06:32:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Great poem, C. I can well see why this one is high in the competition. you use so few words to convey the idea that people only see from their own point of view-the only way we're made to see, and often we miss some good things in life and opportunities because of this. Your language is precise, and conveys a strong images, a concrete one, which then pulls in the totality of life. Excellent work. You definitely should make the top of the competition if you keep writing like this. Ellen.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-10-03 13:32:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.95833
Dear Gayle: I really like this poem - for it uses simple language to convey profound thoughts! I can certainly see why this has achieved a high standing on the winner's list thus far. Your sustained metaphor is so apt. Reading this poem is kind of an 'of course' experience, if you take my meaning. Had you not written it, it is as though it existed in unwritten form in the collective unconscious. Reading these lines -- And in our sealed enclosure, how can we know car beams from the moon or streetlights from the stars? I can't help but be reminded of a bit of dialogue from Plato's Republic, Book VII, concerning humans as cave dwellers who only see from the light of a fire behind and above them, and there is a constant parade of images, like shadow-puppets, which are but dimly discerned and randomly interpreted: "What do you suppose he'd say if someone were to tell him that before he saw silly nothings, while now, because he is somewhat nearer to what IS and more turned toward beings, he sees more correctly; and, in particular, showing him each of the things that pass by, were to compel the man to answer his questions about what they are? Don't you suppose he'd be at a loss and believe that what was seen before is truer than what is now shown?" Your excellent poem gives us another, more accessible view (no pun intended) of our limited points-of-view. I especially love the lines - "slump in the not-so-easy chair of our one-room universe" There are those who believe they *know* based on convincing evidence. The poem seems to shed light on the reality that the best we can hope for, from the standpoint of our "one-room universe", is knowledge that may be obtained from our limited vision. I value poetry that opens a door of perception, and I think that this one does, without seeming doctrinaire or nihilistic. There is the beginning question, "For how long?" which follows upon the title, "Blinded." You do not give us the answer, but it occurs to me that the beginning of sight is increasing awareness of the limitations of our vision. Brava! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-02 08:18:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44928
Blinded....interesting title to give this reader much food for thought here....not only does she wonder about literally being blind for without light there is darkness but also.......to be blinded by life as it pertains around you. To enclose yourself within the confines of a smaller then small environment and not take in the larger picture which is there.....life in general, life in a whole and life as the government wants you to live it...we slump into the not-so-easy chair of our one room universe......again, interesting line here and the not so easy chair to me indicates that you do not take life as you see it for there is a larger picture which is not being shown at present time....thus in closing I take it you are telling us that life is not as you see it so take those blinders off and see the larger picture before it is too late for you let alone everyone else.......intersting poet.......and I am certain many will take this read and see other aspects to it so that is what makes you different from us....and indeed your work is different with your 'food for thought' which is deep, very deep......thank you for posting and sharing this with us though and I hope to hear back what your intentions might have been which I crucified though I am not sorry for this is what you presented to me....be safe now and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-09-28 22:53:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45000
I like this little poem that reads so simply but has depth...do we choose our blinds or to blind our own eyes/soul? to refuse light, to begrudge its entry? And in our darkness how can we perceive the real light of truth? Love the lines "every night we/ slump in the/ not-so-easy chair of/ our one-room universe" Well-written, no suggestions for change.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joe Goff On Date: 2003-09-28 19:14:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I am sincerely not trying to be overly critical, CA, but if the moon glowed a halogen light, and stars were as large as streetlights as we view them on earth, there would be no difference that we could tell. That sounds like a horrible anaology to the one you make, and yours is a very poignant and small thought provoking piece. The problem I have with it is the graphics in your last paragraph. Peronsonally I would have liked to have read something a little more abstract and profound as your comparison at the end. The first two stanzas are beautiful. That's only a personal opinion, hopefully not a damaging one. Sincerely, JPJ.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-28 08:01:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Excellent. This is my type of poetry. You state the inner thoughts within this piece, you give me flow, you give me the right length. There is nothing hidden from what the mind is thinking this is poetry at its best. No suggestions regarding the format, punctuation, or words used. Well done. I know you slipped on putting the title twice that is what cut and paste will do...lol. Thanks for sharing an outstanding poem. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-09-27 17:37:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
It's you again, C! First of thank you so much for the feedback you made to my critique on Traffic Lights! I am a bit flattered that you seem to like the way I critiqued. You are true of your feel that it seems I belong to a different culture/race! I am actually outside US as most of the poets here belong! I come from the Philippines! Have you been to this country? Anyway... My feel in this laconically written piece is deep, pondering and moving! Deep in the sense that it seems you are trying to present a deep concept that really comes from deep thought. What I mean is the ideas conveyed is derived from the deepest feel/emotion/thinking that most of the people won't bother to feel. Pondering because it made me pondered how the idea of blinded is implied. It's deeply connoting one's personal ego, penetrating into the innerself. It's like focusing towards the innercore of something. I just could not adequately express. I also described the emotion here as moving because, it seems that the speaker of this poem is trying to seek for the answer of his inner question and wants to escape from that blinded scenario. Am I getting sense here? SMILE!!! The title itself is intriguing. In the the first glance, one could think of many scenarios of the state of being blind. Like one can think if it's talking about blinded by love? blinded by the real emotion? blinded by consciousness? or blinded of whatever? And I am sure that the reader would not escape to find the answers being reflected by the title! Using a title as an opening is indeed more captivating! It makes one to participate on the longing or questioning! And this is a good point! The lamp has refused to work...is the first reinforcement of the idea of blindness. It suggest dimness or the absence of light! Where is Thomas Alva Edison to light the lamp? one-room universe....a phrase that also supports the idea of blindness. Light steals in between the slivers of the blinds. It gives the imagery that enhances the scene! "blinds" here means something, such as a window shade or a Venetian blind, that hinders vision or shuts out light. Aha, so I think you are associating the scene in Venice, Italy? Just a thought! The ending is effective as it should be. Once again, the use of the question is participating! You just made your mind soar high to the space to catch the the question and put it in a creative way: And in our sealed enclosure, how can we know car beams from the moon or streetlights from the stars? Though, it is in sealed closure, your mind just freed up to travel a 1 light year to find the car beams and the street lights from the respective heavenly bodies! Wonderful and mystical? The ending question is like asking when can a dream come true! What a highly imaginative piece of searching the answer for how's? Thank you very much, C! Looking forward to read more of your wonderful artistry.
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