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This Poem was Submitted By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-09-30 11:57:43 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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My Oil

My house without a cellar, burnt to the slab, picking through remains. My favorite oil painting—an abstract forecasts the fall: A thick black arrow running lengthwise across the canvas and tossing gold crosses, pink rosaries, and holy water aside. Half burned, fringed with ash, but still in its tarnished frame. Recovering … --Me or It? On my new wall an old souvenir, a reminder: Two decades of crisis and my indelible scars.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Ellen A. Morris On Date: 2003-10-05 18:39:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
C., a very unusual poem for you as it is all fragments. It seems to build image by image: no basement, remains of a fire, the anguished search for something, anything, and then to find a cherished item, bring a bit of joy to a heart raught with pain and loss. And the rest of the poem image by image reveals the significance and the symbolic nature of the piece, as the house is both literal and symbolic of the self devastated by some spiritual problems. Excellent piece and very moving. Thanks for sharing. Ellen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Litz Herschel On Date: 2003-10-05 08:56:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Fine poem, C. I'm new on the site and decided on your poem to be my first because I'm an very amateur artist. Really enjoyed the poem, the short phrases (no sentences that I could see) are like a brush stroke, each not a lot by itself, but when taken together present a clear picture of a struggle and recovery. Best of luck to you, C. Litz

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-10-04 10:06:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93103
Hi, C. e. My house without a cellar, burnt to the slab, picking through remains. My favorite oil painting—an abstract This is mysterious as we do not know if the painting was burned An abstract - but of what - what emotions does it elicit? Who is "picking through?" It might be "the self" If the house is a personification of the "self" then the idea of "no cellar" is fascinating. forecasts the fall: A thick black arrow running lengthwise across the canvas and tossing gold crosses, pink ah, we begin to see the picture - something points to a theology but the crosses are "tossed" and thus --- chaotic? Or are they simply abundant -diffrent denomination? rosaries, and holy water aside. Half burned, fringed with ash, but still in its tarnished frame. Recovering … a crisis of soul... yes and vivid and so very dramatic here --Me or It?{I think this is almost understood without stating it and I like the mystery of the metaphor] On my new wall an old souvenir, a reminder: Two decades of crisis and my indelible scars. To what end? A renewal of hope? A re-evaluation? My "oil" is a marvelous teasing title. Great piece, C

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-03 09:46:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi C! This is another outstanding piece of yours! This one depicts how you poetically crafted a symbolic and poignant piece. I believe your skill here is different from the previous submissions because this one uses symbolism manifested by your deep meditation. This suggests mental and psychological finesse or ability. In my first reading, I can hardly grasp the totality of the piece. I feel there is a deep meaning that you wanted to express here. My oil? In my first glance, I was thinking of something synthetic substance or petroleum! SMILE! But I know it is not what it is referring to. It is a painting done in oil paint, right? Allright, this oil painting of yours which is your favorite seems to bring a sad memory as it reminds you of the crisis and your indelible scars. This makes the poem poignant. But I can also feel that this serves as an awakening that inspires you to live a new life in your new house that perhaps has already a cellar. What's the significance of the cellar in the poem by the way? In my own idea, its purpose is to reinforce the imagery of your sad emotion. Am I getting sense here? SMILE! You started the poem depicting the scene which gives the your readers a conrete visual: My house without a cellar, burnt to the slab, picking through remains. The opening emotion is already forlorn. And seemingly mysterious, one of the remains is your favorite oil painting. The second and the third stanza is describing clearly the oil painting. The canvas where the oil painting is executed makes a good imagery as you described tossing gold crosses, pink rosaries, and holy water aside. The description here is essentially apt to further depict the emotion: Half burned, fringed with ash, but still in its tarnished frame. Now, that you have recovered from the past grim scenario, it seems that the oil painting replenishes your new wall of your new house just like a music replenishes a weary soul! Very well crafted, C! again salute to your poetic deftness! Always, Dan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-01 10:24:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44776
Being as young as you are poet if this is a personal accounting of a real fire in your lifetime.....then you were just a baby....... still it is structured well, your words flow allowing the reader to see within the lines, to grasp what is perhaps going on over the twenty years that has followed, how one has scars yet within and without from the tragedy of that day perhaps carrying over into life and its ups and downs as well. Your poetry is always so deep my friend with many meanings to different readers which is a gift within itself. Thank you for posting and sharing this with us......be safe and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-09-30 22:19:25
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45833
Another intriguing poem...recovery from the ashes...an object/yourself...a fall, a fire, destruction down to the bones. And the cleaned up remains decorates still your life's wall...a reminder/ a memory of what its like to fall? The scars that are still present even after you've re-built. No suggestions for change to give. I like your dichotomy, the levels present, the hints of more in-depth.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-09-30 17:19:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32143
I'm interested in this poem. The imagery is really good. In only a few words the description enables one to see the destruction of the house. The painting becomes a metaphore for the poet in the poem. I think this is really good writing. There was one area I didn't get. "A thick black arrow running lengthwise across the canvas and tossing gold crosses, pink rosaries, and holy water aside." Perhaps it's a matter of tenses or punctuation, but these lines confused me. Did the arrow toss the crosses and pink roseries, or was the arrow simply bisecting pink roseries and crosses and holy waters already present? It feel as though something is missing here, and yet the imagery is excellent. The last two lines are very strong, and I wondered if this was also describing a marriage. Altogether and intriguing poem which for this reader asked more questions than it answered. I liked it. Rene Fraley

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-09-30 14:20:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
I really enjoy this type of poetry as I mentioned to you earlier. It gives the reader the physical appearance of a setting while placing the life on the individual within the poem. Life is abstract and you bring it so clearly in the first stanza. Although the wounds remain the scars still appear and bring the person back into the memory of the experiences. How appropriate to use the fire has the way to bring this out for the view of the reader. My favorite stanza is the second turning gold crosses pink. Well done again. Tom

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