This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-09 05:11:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 27 (Will)

Universal drive To live free and to survive Knows no boundaries

Copyright © October 2003 Erzahl Leo M. Espino


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-11-06 08:36:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65789
Dear Ezralh, This one is very unique. I feel it must have been even harder to write about a nontangible item like "will". But you've done some extra work here and it paid off. The flow coupled with the drive/survive rhyme gives an outstanding effect to this reader. You've captured the essense of "Will" perfectly. I also like the order you arranged line two in. "to live free and survive" tells me that it takes extra effort to live "free" and still survive. I hope that is the way you meant it, because it certainly works well for this reader. Thank you for sharing another of your "beauties" Blessings, Jennifer


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-11-03 11:29:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.07143
Dear E, I like the play with rhyme in this haiku. I want you to startle us in this last line--know no boundies is a bit of a cliche--maybe turn suddenly to a natural image you do so well. So, then we can think on ourselves in nature. Thanks as always, Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-10-23 12:17:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Erzahl: You have done multiple etailed and lovely analyses of my poetry and here I sit, staring at seventeen syllables...speechless. In my writing, I am distinctly verbose, in yours, a paucity of words is employed to convey an import. This haiku is titled "Will" and I think of volition, of mental powers of desiring or choosing, and the power of control over one's actions or emotions. You tell us will is universal, applicable to all beings, and that it is a drive to live free and survive. (Nice rhyme of drive/survive). I think herein you have limnd the heart of the matter...that element most vital to man...to live free and survive the process...under no other dominion than his own. And you conclude that this drive or force of will knows no boundaries. Simple but profound. I relate totally to what you write, as most thinking beings will agree. History proves you correct...all the incidents of men striving for freedom, to fight off anyone's imposition of his will over man's. I am thunderstruck by your genuine poetic genius. Your grace in delivery, your sharing this gift with TPL, and the enormous contribution of your critiques. It was a fortunate day when you found TPL....for its members. Congrats on another beautiful poem, a winner, and I wish you the best luck with it. Bravo! Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-10-21 16:29:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ah yes. Universal indeed. If you switch "survive" and "live free" then the list order might be better - one must after all survive in in order to be able to live free and you would place the rhyme in the middle of line 2 where it would be softer.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-16 18:30:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06250
Erzahl--You've done it again--Taken a difficult form, haiku, made a profound statement and stayed true to the form. I can't imagine anywhere that there would be a human being, of even a very modest IQ, who would disagree with your 'Universal drive' theory: "To live free and to survive". Finishing touch: "Knows no boundaries". Well stated and an absolute truth. Thanks for sharing, for putting it this way and for chosing these words. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-12 11:00:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
How should I address you, Dear Mr. Brilliant Haiku Maker? SMILE!!! I always critique the top most poem in my critiquing list but I scrolled down the list and dared to critique this haiku! This is actually my first attempt to critique your masterpieces which are the Japanese verses and I am a little afraid I won't be able to satisfy you. Anyways,... As I look up the meaning of a haiku, it is a Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons. Alright, this is perfect in its form and syllabication and enticingly, you made the first two lines rhyme. Obviously, this one is not speaking of nature or season but it comes appropriately with a strong thrust of philosophy of life! It is not giving splendid imageries (like your previous submission Camel, Dawn, Tide, Water Lilies, etc.) but it is providing me a precious food for thought. The first line "Universal drive" brings me immediately to the idea of "Will" and of course the title sums it up aptly! The idea is very practical and realistic. It is in the scope of human perspective as as far as human philosophy is concerned. We are designed by God to have a free will but it is a reality that sometimes we don't have enough courage to place this into action. I can think of the famous saying that goes, "If there's a will there's a way!" And the second line "To live free and to survive" brings me an idea that because of the innate drive in us no matter how miserable is the life, we tend to struggle and survive. This made me of commercial of Kris Aquino in Smart Txt where she says "I will survive". No matter how her quote and quote "reputation", she still has the will and the drive to move forward! And of course, the third line "Knows no boundaries" is very realistic. Nothing and no one can stop this will and drive within us, there is no such thing as "wall" that blocks this universal drive. Alright, I think this is the best that I can say.This is little piece but there is so much put in it! This is a new kind of experience for me, Erzahl! Maybe, I'll try making this kind of verse, and I'd like you to be my PhD critiquer! SMILE!!! God bless, Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-09 19:40:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Erzahl, This seems different to me from previous japanese poetry of yours I've read. This is a senuru (sp?) in that it meets the form of a Haiku but is not about nature or using nature's imagaries. The message is clear, compressing an awful lot of information into a short space. It is amazing that you can put so much into so little! I like this poem, but I'm not so sure I like all the thinking it has occasioned. (I tend to be somewhat lazy intelectually.) Thank you for the mental workout, as this poem really did make me think! Rene
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas H. Smihula On Date: 2003-10-09 09:27:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Your first line because of the title indicating will power leads me right into the thought. We all have will yet not all have the strength to carry it out, maybe to some they are hopes. Now you give me the thrust of the Haiku where freedom is the direction this will takes us and by following this path we continue on. Finally you show me that nothing can stop our will their are no walls. Thank you Erzahl I really enjoy your work congradulations for last months entry. Tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-09 08:29:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Immediate images are released from the flare of your pen my friend.... Universal drive To live free and to survive Knows no boundaries images which pertain to indeed the entire world Universal drive........encompases both you, I and the person who rests under that tree thousands of miles away from my own home and perhpas an ocean might even separate us but they are there... "To live free and to survive"....powerful statement yet when we stop to think about our 'free will' that is what does give us the courage to go on each day, tackling what might come our way whether it be illness, government problems, world crisis, death, destruction.......whatever....if not for our taking our own problems within our own hands and travel on then we would just wither and die like the flowers that are left without water in the hot sun......and that is not a good thing for we are all survivors and indeed it does know no boundaries....... As always you are so true to form, images indeed there are many and they travel different roads but again the food for thought also provided runs deep as well. Thank you for posting, sharing this with us and I pray you are well. Be safe and God Bless, Claire Your illness sounds much like the Nile Virus we might suffer from a mosquito bite here in the late fall and if not treated early enough is fatal to all who contract it.....be blessed my friend and safe.
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