This Poem was Submitted By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-10-15 11:59:16 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This

It doesn’t only come down to you and I. There are violins guiding our every move And the aroma of myths we live by Fill our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe. Oh, how I wish I believed This was all conceived In the genius of our two hearts. Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire. That just this once, For the sake of all lovers lost to this, Since first four lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire  With such passionate force That our love become flame And our souls be the source.

Copyright © October 2003 Rick Barnes


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-11-04 14:47:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65714
What a beautiful sentiment, Rick. This is a stirringly romantic piece. I love a long title that not only draws the reader in, but conveys a message all by itself and this does exactly that. There is alot to like here and that doesn't surprise me, since all your poems are chock full of subtle little things that tweak my heart. Seems like I have waited forever for this one to get to the top of my list and it's still not there, but I feel I can't wait any longer to comment. "It doesn’t only come down to you and I. There are violins guiding our every move" [Actually it doesn't come down to you and I, that is the cool part of living and loving. To know that we are part of a wonderful plan for the entire universe just gives me goose bumps all over. I love the way this is stated so eloquently here.] "And the aroma of myths we live by Fill our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe." [I'm hyperventalating here, Rick, with the thought of this!] "Oh, how I wish I believed This was all conceived In the genius of our two hearts. Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire." [love the breathe/beieved/conceived combination. It works well here. Also hearts/part is a well placed nice soft rhyme] [Actually, I too, would like to believe "free will" does have a lttle to do with it:)] "That just this once, For the sake of all lovers lost to this, Since first four lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire With such passionate force That our love become flame And our souls be the source." Here you bring your title into play nicely, then boom, this last part just explodes for this reader. I'm seeing fireworks all over the page! I'm going to share this one with my husband. He'll love it. My only suggestion is that if you are going to have punctuation, then you could ease up on the capping of every first word and it would flow very nicely. Thanks for sharing such a lovely and deep poem. I'm grateful to be able to read and share it. Blessings, Jennifer


This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-11-03 17:25:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Rick, There are such exquisite phrases in this ... aroma of myths, since first four lips created a kiss, the genius of our two hearts, violins guiding our every move. This is an exploration of destiny, and whether it's a valid concept when one is involved in a relationship. But the speaker seems to feel a bit adrift here, as if things haven't gone as well as he'd hoped (or even as well as they could have). Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire. The intensity of love does make demands (we have no choice but to breathe) but, in the end, no matter how fervently one wishes for perfection, it may never happen. Passion and desire take control, of course, but may not lead to anything permanent. The last line tells all, for unless there's a bond of souls, the rest is all temporary. You're writing in free verse in terms of metrical structure, but there's rhyme, although it isn't intrusive or forced. Variation of line length gives a rambling effect, like the rise and fall of emotions, that I quite enjoy. The final effect is haunting and we leave with a certain sorrow for the speaker, who may indeed be "lost to this" and probably doesn't deserve to be. This reads as a "real" situation and is told honestly. My Best, Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-25 04:54:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76000
Hi Rick, “For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This” --- Another display of creative and interesting title! For me, this alone is already poetry! Your choice of words is perfect and lyrical! Very soothing to the ears! “It doesn’t only come down to you and I. There are violins guiding our every move And the aroma of myths we live by Fill our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe.” --- You are very good in this Rick…very good in “passionate poems” that is full of feelings. I believe this comes and flows from your heart. These are like a series of your “love” poems. Giving us something to anticipate for…and you just shared it like free pizza! --- Again, you add melody to your poems by such delicate words like “violins”, “aroma”, “myths” and “breaths”. --- I like the lines “Fill our lungs in passionate breaths, we have no choice but to breathe”. It is very much your style…with such intensity…fiery with words. I’m breathless! “Oh, how I wish I believed This was all conceived In the genius of our two hearts.” --- Just splendid! These are simple words but when you tried to put them all together, it brings a different sensation, lifting readers in a higher level! “The genius of our two hearts” - very original! “Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire.” --- Such sweet invocations! Chanting our ears and thoughts with delicacies. “That just this once, For the sake of all lovers lost to this, Since first four lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire With such passionate force That our love become flame And our souls be the source.” --- Hypnotizing! Intoxicating! --- “First four lips created a kiss” – so haiku-like…enjoyed much! --- Great words and phrases to end your fine piece here! The continuous begging and pleading to remain that “burning fire” of passion and love is so evident and strongly defined. You have presented your intentions and objective with elegance! Readers can easily feel that hopeful urge and wistful regret if ever. And to bring back to the main subject and title “For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This”…this is very much true! Something worth to think about! This is very inspiring! Kudos on your wonderful work here Rick! Another stellar performance! No one can’t deny the plethora of talent and “true feelings” that you manifest in all your work…here you just demonstrate your consistency of such high standard. Thanks for posting this for our enjoyment! Two thumbs up! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-10-23 17:13:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Rick: You are a genius with your titles...this one is perfect for this jewel of a poem. What can I say? You are praising me while this is posted? It is romantic with a flavor of longing and poignance which reveals the soul of the poet. Other words that come to mind are plaintive and plangent. In other words, I feel your yearning to my bones. "It doesn't only come down to you and (me). There are violins guiding our every move .....inspired phrase..... And the aromas of myths we live by Fill(s) our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe." As mammals, we are forced to inflate our lungs but you say with the aroma of myths. Quite original thinking. From the 1st line, you allude to the concept being universal, not pertinent to only you and yours but you yearn for it to have emanated from your two hearts in thrall. "Oh, how I wish" is powerful, wistful, seeking. I like the reiteration. You want your destiny belonging to powers of desire and wish granting. And your final longing...burn a fire with passionate flame that your loves are afire and the source of the conflagrtion your souls. This flaming romantic poem reads as smoothly as a psalm and makes me realize in my deepest spirit that I have never loved like this. Such unmitigated passion! How I have missed out on such a part of life! Rick, the poem is truly beauteous and I haven't done it justice. I'm not capable right now and may never be since the feelings are so foreign to me (in a romantic relationship.) I'll just sigh and weep a few wee tears for such beauty in your world which you brought to ours. Bravo! Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-21 19:45:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56667
Poet....This is beautiful and so very touching it lifts one's soul....the read itself is superb and your structure and word flow takes this reader along each step of the way allowing for the emotions to be felt, the senses to not only see, feel, hear but to taste and smell as well............ Since first four lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire With such passionate force That our love become flame And our souls be the source. my favorite lines are above.......actually when Jerry and I first dated it was the warmth of his lips on mine as they gently connected as if none else had ever been here before.......memories you bring forth this fine fall night....bless you my friend and I pray this great emotion continues to fill your hearts forever.... Thanks for posting, sharing and for being you....be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-10-21 10:28:35
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
What a wonderful love song! It doesn’t [-only] come down to you and [me] There are violins guiding our every move [what a lovely thought] And the aroma of myths we live by [fills]-goes back to the singular "aroma"] our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe.[ah, yes, as delicious a description of our own powerlessness against forces of the universe as I have ever read. Oh, how I wish I believed This was all conceived [nice internal rhyme} In the genius of our two hearts. [wonderful wistful longing] Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire. [ah, yes] That just this once, For the sake of all lovers lost to this, Since first [-four] lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire With such passionate force That our love [becomes] flame And our souls be the source. Incredible poem Rick - one of your best - fluid and luscious, gently off -rhyming and wise.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-15 20:28:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Rick, I don't make light of this beautiful effort of lovers, it and all it's sentiment really belong on some beautiful Valentine card to be shared by a mass of Universal readers, for it in it's wistful wishes say so well, about the well of longing that many experience. So please don't think my respose trite, but I would pay readily to share this sentiment with a special love. Once again you move my emotions, and for me the wishes are deeper, for in reading this beautiful poem creates a longing now lost for me in the death of my true love, but easily I could have shared this sentiment, and emotion this card creates for this reader. No the synthax for me is beautiful phrasing, that reads as smooth as glass, and the cadence is artifully done bring to the reader deep nostalgia, lovely once again, you write some beautiful moving poetry that never fails to amaze the broard strokes of life you manage to convey, and the closeness of a true love, wonderful once again. Best regards...Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-15 15:32:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
A poem fraught with delightful inspirations, Rick. I think this is my time to critique your artistry so I am excited. Here you make my heart pine and long for the true love that you have depicted. The kind of love that is forever, not fleeting. I am still a bachelor so this thing is tickling to me! Your title "For The Sake Of All Lovers Lost To This" is enticing in itself. It readily stimulates the readers' ming because your theme is practical and of course universal, the most intriguing theme, "LOVE". Alright, you have given the most awakening lines, the first five lines are my favorite, so let me itemize it here: It doesn’t only come down to you and I. ---[this is a dramatic line!] There are violins guiding our every move ---[like the association of violin, it is apt to give a concrete visual. Very creative! I really love it "violins guiding our every move".] And the aroma of myths we live by --["aroma of myths" ---what a fantastic phrase. 'm' seems to alliterate!] Fill our lungs in passionate breaths ---["myths" and "breaths" seems to resonate wonderfully!] We have no choice but to breathe. The line "In the genius of our two hearts." would remind me that seeking for the right love is all taken and decided by the heart. Even the mind could not overpower if the heart manages the feeling. Since first four lips created a kiss, ---[nice alliteration is created by the fricative 'f'.] It adds up the love's delight. Wow! The ending is just reminiscing! What a treat to this single heart! Thanks, you make this heart palpitates for love! Smile!!! Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2003-10-15 13:32:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90909
Ah, Rick! I read this aloud until I came to the ninth line, and then I stumbled, because of involuntary tears. I felt chills of recognition of what cannot be, at least within our limited scope of things. The yearning within this poem for that which cannot be is so palpable, the incompleteness with which we must grapple as we grieve because we are seemingly separated, one from another. And yet you paint a much larger picture as a backdrop for these two lovers. One which is so large that they most likely can't perceive it. As we cannot perceive our place in the universe except from our immediate standpoint. We cannot take the larger view and look at ourselves as we are seen by the One. It doesn’t only come down to you and I. There are violins guiding our every move Incredible. "violins guiding our every move" This is why you are a poet-philosopher. You hear the violins, and translate their music into words. No two people, nor any one person, can operate outside of the matrix created by the "violins" or, if you will, the "music of the spheres" about which Pythagoras wrote. Perhaps Pythagoras was not the first to hear this music, but quickly taught others to partake of it. He believed the stars to be attached to crystal spheres revolving about the Earth. These heavenly spheres produced harmonious sounds only the truly inspired could hear. Whether the music he referred to was actual or metaphor doesn't matter, I think. For we sense what you show us within the poem, and what Pythagoras may have meant. An underlying perfection and beauty to all that is. In our limited human experience, we may wish to alter the greater pattern to suit our immediate desires: And the aroma of myths we live by Fill our lungs in passionate breaths We have no choice but to breathe. You combine many subtle elements in "aroma/myths/passionate/breaths/choice/breathe" for example. "Aroma" imparts a distinctive quality or atmosphere, and is sensed by us with our limited sensorium. And "myths" are part of a world view. Not a personal view, but a more universal one. How can we separate ourselves from a pervasive aroma and equally pervasive world view? We are breathing creatures, and have no choice but to act as such. We inhale both aroma and myths. We are "passionate" in several ways. We are capable of and express intense feeling. That is our nature, and shown strongly in "We have no choice but to breathe" for we are breathers. Lungs represent the breath of life and taking in life, but yet they are often associated with grief. Oh, how I wish I believed This was all conceived In the genius of our two hearts. The two "Oh, how I wish" phrases strike a resounding chord of sorrow within this reader. For all of the things that are not within my power to change. The ancient Egyptians left the heart, alone, as the only organ in a mummy. Perhaps they considered it indispensable to the person for his or her journey into infinity. The three lines above imply that the speaker addresses a situation that was not conceived by two human hearts, but by a greater force. Oh, how I wish our fate belonged, If only in part, To the granting of wishes And the power of desire. Here is the irony! We are made as "breathers" of "passionate breaths." Our very framework, as such, responds most strongly to "wishes" and "desire." This is the greatest paradox. It is our desire and love which cause our suffering. But it is in our very nature, our breath. What is meant by "fate" - an absence of free will? Or is the experience one which is incomplete without suffering in separation, lest the longing for union be lost? That just this once, For the sake of all lovers lost to this, Since first four lips created a kiss, There could burn such a fire With such passionate force That our love become flame And our souls be the source. --WONDERFUL! "Flame" can reference the transcendent state between humankind and spirit, a kind of bridge, if you will. Does the speaker wish, "for the sake of all lovers lost to this" for a consuming "fire/force/flame" to reconcile all souls with the Source? The transition from "desire" to "love become flame" to "our souls be the source" speaks to this reader of the divine nature within. The poem is so much more than a lover's lament! (Rick, there you go, transcending again.) The elements of poetry within this work - sound, cadence, imagery, voice - are all sublime. It is easy to take these for granted in a Rick Barnes poem. They are of such quality that the reader may immerse completely in the poem's essence. And yet, the reading is not finished at the culmination of this poem, the final line. The echoes of this work continue long past the reading, and the poem continues to write itself on the "single most necessary organ" -- the heart of the reader. Wondrous, in every sense of the word. Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-15 12:43:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Rick--This is beautiful--tell me did you come up with the title first or last or somewhere in between (heck it doesn't matter)? Beleive me I am not jealous that you put together this wonderful thing, but I envy your ability to start from a simple premise and go through a building of more diffcult metaphors (violins guiding, aroma of myths, fill our lungs in passionate breaths) to such an ending--Whew! Did I mention this was all done with rhymes of course! Very difficult, but you puilled it off with ease. Thanks for sharing this!! TLW
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