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This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-16 05:47:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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japanese verse 28 (Rose)

Crimson as a wine Filled in the glass of season Drunk by its beauty

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-11-07 11:38:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88889
There have been many poems written in praise of the rose - but yours' managed to capture a new vision and that in itself an accomplishement, Erzahl. Crimson [one of my favorite words] as a wine Filled in the glass of season[great metaphoric leap] Drunk by its beauty Drunk by its own beauty? WONDERFUL The wine is a fine analogy. In this case, a rose is more than a rose and might well be a rose'.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2003-11-06 21:25:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Erzahl, No need for me to comment on the structure, as you have mastered the Haiku form, as evidenced by your many previous submissions! You never stop amazing me with your wonderful Haiku poetry. I feel as if I have just witnessed the rose in all its beautiful glory, displaying it's beauty [and ego] in a most self-gratifying manner! Ah, the beauty of a rose in full bloom! Great job, Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-04 18:05:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34783
Erzahl, I like the word play and the multiple things going on in this poem. The play between drunk by its beauty and crimson as wine is intriguing, filled in the glass of season I get the contrast of seeing wine in a glass and at the same time I am seeing the fall leaves and other seasonal images. This was nicely done. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-30 17:07:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47222
Hi Erzahl, Well you have done it again! Written another perfect haiku about the beauty of a rose. The "wine, glass, drunk, is wonderful as it is easy to be drunk by the beauty of a rose. Such a simple thing and yet so amazing to look at...and in your case..ponder. "Crimsen as a wine" great description of a red rose..crimsen instead of just red is as poetic as it should be here...nothing mundane for this rose!... "Filled in the glass of season"...another inspired thought to compliment our rose...."Drunk by its beauty" this line compliments the other two and tells us that this rose, above all, is the treasured one. I do have one question...someone told me that you don't need to use 'caps' when writing haiku...is this true? Or is it just a personal prefrence? Great writing that we have become use to reading from you. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-22 11:13:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Dear Ezrahl, Your beautiful Rose Haiku has filled me to overflowing. The concept of a rose being liquid beauty we drink in with our eyes is one of the most intoxicating and satisfying thoughts I've ever had. Just pondering your Haiku has made me realize that we can also drink the aroma of the rose with our nose and and drink the tender soft velvet of it with our skin. Crimson roses are my most favorite flower. So simple yet elegant. And they remind of Jesus and the blood he shed for us. Which brings me to a whole different level of intoxicating satisfaction. Thanks for that added reminder. Blessings, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-21 08:39:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57692
I have written many poems about the Rose which reminds me of a mother's love, in most cases perfect in every way.......love the lines as written here poet and the deep color projected with the flare of your pen.... My mother loves one single red rose in a vase for most holidays which is usually what might sit in front of her at the dining room table....she smiles as she inhales the aroma, her memories at 92 run deep and whether or not they bring forth memories of dad who has been gone forty years now I have no clue for they are private within her own mind....if she shares then she does. so indeed she drinks of the wine as the memories fill her soul and she is drunk by the beauty around her.......the rose, one petal after another it falls when completed its process of being as with life.....one page after the other we live our daily life. Thanks for sharing and true to form you always are. Be safe my friend .....God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-18 18:27:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Erzahl, First of all I love Roses, whenever they have been given to me, I think of my Mother long expired these many years, and a rush of sentiment engulfs me as I read this haiku. Love the color descriptive (Crimson as a wine", who can't picture, the glory in seeing this ultimate creation of God, the wine significant to daw the parrarel of color, then the second line "Filled in the glass of Season", for crimnson wine isn't drank by me, mostly because I'm a non drinker, except for those favorite occassions, so season is a very strong influence in the poem. Drunk by its beauty, is a strong closing line, that melds the whole flavor of the poem in total. So once again I find myself amazed, that this most difficult type of writing flows so easily from your pen, and it's always a pleasure to read you, and possibly surmise how you think and what gives this natural ability to write poems that I was first attracted to many, many years ago. It's wonderful, the frest, sparkling color and it's total effect on the readship. I know you are developing a following, and I gladly offer this humble offering of its total effect on making me reflective, thinking of all the occassions that Roses, their beauty to behold were offered to me, and the memories of all who offered them, right to seeing them on the bush and knowing the creators art work, to be drunk by all. Wonderful, my regards always, Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-18 10:52:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76471
Another superb masterpiece, Erzahl! As always, I can see how you manage your mind to soar high and come up with highly elegant verses with all their aesthetic beauty! It seems to me you have a Japanese blood that you are so skillful in this form of poetry. SMILE! Here, you appropriately associate the image of a rose to a wine. The three remarkable keywords are "wine", "glass" and "drunk". This is perfect! Crimson as a wine...is an exotic description of a rose. I can view it as lively as I am looking at a video. You just created a palpable imagery! Filled in the glass of season...is an essential reinforcement of the first line conveying the idea of "wine". "glass of season" is more than a metaphor that works to entice the readers. How you manage accurately to link the idea of wine in the first line. And the third line is so wonderful! Drunk by its beauty...inscrutably superb description! I don't know, I run out of word to express how I feel for this line! If this verse is a lady, it is gorgeous and the sexiest. It is dazzlingly beautiful! Thank you very much, I am stunned to your creative craftmanship. This verse is more than a pepsi commercial, that I ask for more! Or a sprite to obey my thirst and maybe a coke that is the real thing! SMILE! Best regards, Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-16 16:17:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Erzahl--This a beautiful haiku poem with perfect five, seven, five syllables in three line format. Great simile (Crimson as a wine). This could be any season, most likely fall (crimson, red or rust colored leaves). Brilliant words/metaphors used for visual description. Thanks for sharing. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-16 12:40:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear E, This is lovely. The scond line is wonderful. Great metaphor. Somehow I want to avoid naming it like wine or change the last line so it doesn't push the metaphor to the breacking pointing. I want to savor the image of the rose this way. Thanks as always, E

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-16 10:05:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64286
There's a lot in this haiku. The form is met. The metaphore of the glass of season sets up the final line. The last line works to pull the whole together. I particularly like this because it is so gentle and reflective. You have a lovely way of looking at the world! This poem actualy make the reader see, feel and taste the beauty of the rose. A lovely poem, with nary a thorn in sight! Good work, Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Dan D Lavigne On Date: 2003-10-16 09:48:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Nice description. I like your choice of wording. "Crimson as a wine" -Very crisp and clear. Refreshing visual, the hard "C" complements the soft, smooth "W" to add a nice even flow to the first line. "Filled in the glass of season" -very nice perspective. A beautiful frame for your piece. "Drunk by its beauty" -very nice play on words. This line holds a double meaning that is easy to read into. The first, keeping within the context of your chosen subject matter with the "Drinking of the wine". The second, simply being "Drunk" by the beauty of the rose. Very nice . A pleasent, easy read keeping well within the structure of a Haiku. Thank you, Dan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-10-16 08:29:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Another in your series: in the first line "as a" doesn't pack much punch...consider using other wine words ie claret, bouquet,etc...."crimson wine bouquet" or "crimson claret wine" etc. I like the idea of intoxicating beauty, heady fragrance (bouquet) the rose has. After all there is a wine "ros`e" (can't figure out how to put the accent mark over the e"

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