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This Poem was Submitted By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-10-16 11:17:31 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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a curious merriment

she could be blithe in a hospice stinking with gardenias could liven an interment make the priest chortle at the urn and the mourners hurt themselves to keep from laughing out loud it seems unseemly, she said, to cower completely to grief while the meadow is, after all, alive in its own juices and it is still summer enough to swim i guess that seemed irreverent so she stopped being invited to bedsides and funerals but she dressed as a clown and went anyway until the cops came and dragged her away spilling joy in the foyer trickling mirth on the stairs

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-11-05 22:49:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
R,. I have such a visceral reaction to this. It difficult to describe really. Not that a narrative of my feeling(s) is nescessary in order for me to enjoy the work, and it certainly isn't a critical part of any critique of the work, but you know how I am. When there is this stirring, the gray regions turn stormy and well, I simply have to weather it. It doesn't do to talk about the excellence of craft or the artistic signature of your work. To do so would be like commenting on how perfectly well tuned Itzhak Perlman's violin was in a performance. I mean, what is the point? So I often go elsewhere when commenting on your work, or rather I am taken elsewhere. I sometimes picture your eyes rolling brow-ward when reading my critiques. It's O.K. really. I simply pretend you are looking for something quite unexplainable up there. Enough of this... There is a marvelous movie titled, "King Of Hearts" (Le Roi de coeur). I am sure you have seen it so I needn't go into detail. I mention it because beyond the ponderings and obvious analogies conjured up by the film, it moved me in much the same way as your poem, "a curious merriment". It is critical, I think, to take leave once in a while, (and sometimes the more often the better), while the meadow is, after all, alive in its own juices and it is still summer enough to swim. What a regal vision you have. Thank you Roni for turning my eyes elsewhere. Rick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-11-02 21:22:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi Rachel, Oh my, this is a terrific little reminder that we shouldn't take anything too seriously. Lack of capitalization enhances this theme. The last three lines are to die for; I wish they were mine! Your character creation is spot-on; I don't know this lady but would love to. You also use oxymora so very well. "Stinking with gardenias" is such a mocking dismissal of the cloying sweetness (like a foretaste of death, perhaps?). "Liven an internment" (interment?) speaks of reanimating what is too dead to be resuscitated. The middle strophe emphasizes what's truly important in this world, and how our focus should be on the vigor of life, not the tedium of death ceremonies. It's surely no accident that this lively woman returns as a clown to those places where she is most needed. This is, after all, her idea of comforting those who mourn, and who's to say it's any worse than offering handkerchiefs or baking cookies for the family? In the midst of death, laughter can puncture that hovering bubble of pain. So why won't anyone let it happen? "trickling mirth" is my favorite image from among a succession of great images. But the whole poem gets one of my votes this month. It has been very much appreciated. Take Care, Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2003-10-28 16:57:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Roni, A wonderful portrait of a person . . . again. Nice work. Solid as usual. Mark

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-21 19:31:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56667
Poet.... vocabulary of well descriptive words. The person your wrote about seems to enjoy life to the fullest and that includes all situations presented in the path of life....good, bad or in between, she takes the sadness and turns in the laughter......however,I can understand why she might not be welcomed at somber events. I sometimes get a tad upset with people who talk too loud or too much at funerals or just ignore the dead person totally like they are there for a different reason and perhaps that is because they are not comfortable being there ....one does not know for certain..... Respect should be called for especially at church gatherings and other such times..... By this lady disguising herself, "...as a clown", and attending anyway may indicate some other thoughts she has about the seriousness of the situation..... The flare of your pen brought forth many images which should be shared..... I might have smiled a bit too much should I have been there to see her or him in person performing as they did.....actually can you see the cops coming and draging her away? Kinda sad in a way....thanks for posting and sharing though....be safe and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-10-19 14:21:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.60000
Rachel, I love the specific images and scenes you create in this poem. Choosing not to use capitalization and punctuation is the right choice for this poem. I would suggest just for the sake of parrallelism changing and the mourners to make the mourners in the first stanza. Other than that I would change nothing this is really great. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-10-17 11:12:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Great character development in a few lines. I can picture this person, if it is a person, being named Hope. The imagery is good, the flow is very good and the minimal use of punctuation works well for this poem. The stanza and line breaks are clean. I might change the line breaks somewhat in the second stanza, so the stronger words were at lines' end, (and this is strictly my personal prefference) but otherwise, I wouldn't change it. Good work! Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Darlene A Moore On Date: 2003-10-16 23:35:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 6.50000
This is a precious jewel Rachel. Laughter vs. mourning. Life vs. death. Laughing in the face of the reality of death's presence. aptly titled "a curious merriment". "trickling mirth on the stairs" I just love it. This is one delightful read. THanks for the posting. It is perfection as is.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-16 18:10:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.06250
Rachel--great vocabulary of descripted words. The person your wrote about seems to enjoy life and all situations, however,I can understand why she might not be welcomed at somber events. Protocol is a must at church gatherings, furnerals and other serious affairs. By this lady disguising herself, "...as a clown", and attending anyway may indicate some other issues. Your telling of this story through the poem gave me some pretty striking visuals which I enjoyed at this distance. I may have reacted differently had I been present to witness her shenanigans. Thanks for sharing with TPL and making me chuckle. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-16 12:26:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Rachel, I like this portrait very much. The images of the first stanza are compelling. she could be blithe (old fashioned word-I love it-I wonder if you could give an example of this action. in a hospice stinking (here I think borth here and the hopice stink--so I think she is the one who is sick with gardenias I love the images but I ge a little confused) could liven an interment (I think Japanesse interment just to let you know at first lol) make the priest chortle at the urn and the mourners hurt themselves (enjamabement works wonderfully here making them mourns the objest and then the subject) to keep from laughing out loud The second stanza is maybe my favortie becausey ou give her a voice of her own rather than making her an object. I might suggest starting with this stanza--empowering her. it seems unseemly, she said, to cower completely (nice alliteration) to grief while the meadow is, after all, alive in its own juices and it is still summer enough to swim Lovely natural images but telling and orgnial In the third stanza, I am curious why the I enteres in? What is the I's role? Fear or hope to become her? If so this realtionship might need another stanza to explore it. I wonder if the word irrevant can be embedded in the poem rther than named. The personfication of emotion here is lovely. i guess that seemed irreverent so she stopped being invited to bedsides and funerals but she dressed as a clown and went anyway until the cops came and dragged her away spilling joy in the foyer trickling mirth on the stairs There is alot to dream on here. Thank you, Jane

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