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This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-18 19:22:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Kite

Zephyr blows barely Doughty dreamer dares to soar With flying colors

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-30 11:39:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
A nice compact haiku, one that summarizes the general theme of your work- uplifting and full of wild winds blowing colorful people through a colorful and well-realized life. Another instance of the word zephyr.... REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-11-07 13:20:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.89474
Zephyr blows barely Doughty dreamer dares to soar With flying colors It is definitive of a zephyer to blow lightly but "barely' is an amazing new way to descibe that action. I like the way the poem personifies the kite. "doughty" is a word so archaic that it seems placed there for the assonace and sort of stops me Flying colors! Wonderful This piece has real potential Jordan Best, Rachel

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-10-28 12:50:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Dear Jordan, The play with the words flying colors is clever as to come through with flying colors. I wonder what kites had to do with this expression. Thanks so much, Jane

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-21 00:11:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82353
Hi Jordan, Wow, this is superb! Your choice of words just blows me away! From the title to its contents…very much enjoyable! I’ve been writing haikus but I never read such exquisite and skillful haiku (actually senryu) like this (yet I know how this just flow easily from your pen and from your heart). With your poetic prowess and display of your early works, I knew you wouldn’t be having a hard time on trying haikus/senryus because from within your poems, there are tidbits of potential haikus that I can detect. This one is just great! I like the subject “Kite”. It brings back those childhood nostalgic feeling. I also have my own submission of “Kite” in a haiku form (japanese verse 10) that focused on the relevance and intriguing use of its cord or string. It is nice to see other poet/s interpret such interesting subject in a different eye, in a different angle. Yours is something fresh and a delight to read. I like how you focus on its mere flight. “Zephyr blows barely” --- I like the use of “Zephyr” as your secondary subject. It adds elegance and beauty to your poem. I also have a “Zephyr” subject/title for my haiku collection but I’m planning to post it next year in my japanese 40 to 60 series…for the lineup of my 20 to 40 series are already done and in waiting. I like how different other poet/s see and interpret things…it shows how plenty and bountiful the beauty of nature and creation is…where you will never end up of words, descriptions and fascination to its eternal beauty. --- “Blows barely” is perfect since Zephyr is described as a gust and gentle wind. Plus, it brings drama to the poem. “Doughty dreamer dares to soar “ --- Perfect choice of words and great twist of events. “Kite” is usually associated as our “dreams” and to use the words “to soar” is just complete. “With flying colors” --- Ah…just wonderful! You complete and end the haiku “with flying colors”. I find “with flying colors” as two meanings (double meaning). One as a reward to our “soaring dreams” and two as kite’s typical multihued features. I like how you focused on the kite’s “colorful skin”…such magic moments. Again, nice flow and choice of words. Great contents, it suits and hits the subject “Kite” just right! Kudos on your outstanding piece here Jordan! This is one haiku that I really enjoy! You bring “colors” and depth to this traditionally “straight to the point”, “what you see is what you read” format. I sure enjoy this moment! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-20 21:35:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38462
Jordan, Your Haiku brings back memories for this reader of a time of carefree days of a child. But you have kind of been in that mode lately, haven't you? This piece is qiute bouncy and I am enjoying the repitition of "B" with "blows barely" and again the "Doughty dreamer dares" is a very pleasing combo. What I enjoy most about Haiku is that by using less words it gives increased power to the words and in this case you have masterfully pulled it off with grace and style using some very powerful words and by doing so you make this soar. Thanks for the memory, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-19 17:41:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi Poet: Perfect haiku 5-7-5 and filled with many wonderful images of the kite as it soars hight into the sky with the winds tugging and pulling as it goes...."Zephyr"..great choice of word my friend....we just had wind storm last week with gusts over sixty miles per hour and you had best held on or off you were to land wherever......the wind never does the same thing twice it just takes and goes as it wants.....twisting and turning as a skater would do once in flight...."Doughty" synnonym for brave or bold and so aptly describes someone who dares to soar with their kite in flight......like someone with the greatest imagination you could hold onto for when it lifts off the ground you go with it and there you are flying above looking down upon the earth and all that is there........wow.....would I love to do that too.... Thanks for posting, for allowing this reader the joy of seeing and feeling the emotions within the lines. Be safe and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-19 17:25:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12500
Hi Jordan, This is a perfect haiku and the best one I have read in a long time. I love "Zephyr"..in fact I posted a poem here by that name. Poetically so much can be done with the wind...it never blows at the same speed, it's twist and turns, full of surprises, and when it messes up a woman's hair she usually has a discouraging word or two to issue forth! Also I have fallen in love with the word "Doughty" what a wonderful synonym for brave or bold and so aptly describes a dreamer who dares to soar with flying colors! Jordan, this haiku is a great accomplishment. You are bless with talent and don't ever stop writing! Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-18 23:40:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.08696
Jordan--A great Haiku. Beautiful alliterations/consonants (blows barely) of the first five syllable line and "Doughty dreamer dares..." in the seven syllable line (a super sound--Dou,dre, & dar). One other thing with your pieces, I usually add to my vocabulary. Thanks for sharing. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-18 20:47:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Very nice Jordan (Dan according to family right?), (this poem could also speak the poets heart to experience a heartbreak, a loss of a Girl friend who has choosen marriage with God, however special blessing shall follow all the days of your lives, for those that walk into our lives truly remain a part of our lives, in special ways, it takes a strong individual to see a love choose a different life, but to me as a Catholic I understand her need to serve the Lord. Nothing happens without a reason in our lives, some we may understand, others we may never understand, HE knows the reason, and the belief has to be Faith in him.) Bless you Jordan. your three lines allows for quite a mental image to this reader. I love the wind, especially when it is barly preceptible, however it ruffles the hair, and tingles the skin, and that the image I get from your pronouncment of this type of Zephyr, enough to lift. allowing for the kite in it bulky, yet swift decoration to stay aloft, one really would work and just launching the kite, yet I feel theplay (sensation) on the skin, that glorious feeling to soar. Doubhty dreamer dares to soar, going up against the odds though allows the dreamer to be enraptured by the flying colors. Wonderful format of haiku, the count is accurate by Japanese standard, the presentation is more Western though, so it's a flowing combination of all the sensation. Hold that kite string tightly, work at keeping it aloft, and all dreams can be fulfilled. I guess it depaends on the interpertation of each reader, and being a gut critique, the sensation allowed by the visualztion is wonderful to me. Good show poet, you write very, very well, and your critiques are outstanding....Love it!! Best wishes, Jo Morgan

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