This Poem was Submitted By: Donna L. Dean On Date: 2003-10-20 11:26:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Dewdrop The dew
that dripped
from the tree
is now on
a blade
of grass
in front
of me.
I watch
it
as it
holds
its place
on the top
as if
in sliding
down
it
would
lose
itself.
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Copyright © October 2003 Donna L. Dean
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jane A Day On Date: 2003-11-06 13:19:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Dear Donna,
I like the thin line of this poem-like the falling dew sliding down a blade of grass. I like how we follow the dewdrop with the speaker from the tree to the grass. you have realy caputred the beauty of dew as it becomes and unbecomes in the lovely simple langauge of this poem. Sometimes, the "its" are placed a little close for sound and the eye. I very much enjoyed this welcoming event.
Jane
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-04 11:31:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.22222
Donna, what a profound thought as if in sliding down it would lose itself.Of cource that is just what does happen to water drops they merge with others or end up absorbed by the ground... I like the shape of this poem it mimics the shape of the the leaf and the blade of grass the dew drips down. Over all you have done a great job with this one. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-23 00:39:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84211
Hi Donna,
Wow, this is visually superb! Your words vividly picture that inescapable scenario! For a haiku fanatic like me, your choice of words, subject and imageries are excitingly inspiring and fantastic! Such simple words yet when all in together, brings a different sensation! You just know how to entertain your readers…nice and great flow!
“Dewdrop”
--- Great title! Simple but poetic! I love it!
“The dew
that dripped
from the tree
is now on
a blade
of grass
in front
of me.”
--- I like the little format / structure of your poem. Few words for each line…I find it easily readable and at the same time enjoyable. These are just tiny whispers…tiny as your “dewdrop”.
--- Straight to the point! I can sense the fragility of the your subject “dewdrop”. I find the mention of “in front of me” so innocently observing like a little child at the same time “real”…as if I am transported to that “special” moment. The description of the grass as “blade of grass” is poetically done…plus a little twist (strong image) from the sweet and light scenario. In short, your words are effectively flowing…perfect!
“I watch
it
as it
holds
its place
on the top
as if
in sliding
down
it
would
lose
itself.”
--- Wow…great phrase…I can’t deny the taste of profundity of your words here. “I watch it”…again, this is enjoyable to visualize…your words allows the reader to be involved and connected to this scenario. You effectively portrayed the child-like “anticipation”. The gripping and “holding” to dear life of the dewdrop can tell a thousand meaning. For me, the struggle for life are common to everyone, even in simple nature…it only shows how we should be inspired by this situations…that we are not alone in this eternal quest.
Kudos on your inspiring work here Donna! Thanks for posting this in TPL…I sure enjoy every moment of this. This is a short poem but you were able to complete the whole account in a well-crafted poetry. Again, another splendid performance! For me, for sure this is a winner!
As always,
Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2003-10-22 22:47:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90000
Hi Donna, Love it, a single dew drop, compelled to resist becoming just another dew drop that falls into the pool of oblivion. Some what a perfect analogy for we humans, don't you think, holding on, trying to retain our individuality, knowing if we get lost among the masses, to become just another lost, yes as I read these stark words concerning your dew drop I couldn't help but make the comparison. I've sat and watched the antics of single rain drops, or any moisture that beads and manages to remain an individual, know eventually that the inevitable would happen, the melting pot, from a dew drop to a [pool, to a river, to begin the journey over. Actually the poem captures nicely for me all the cosmic environemental thrust and pull, something I think that human beings fight so hard for invididuality.
This short, poem, written with a lot of sensation leaves the reader to ponder, wonder, and reflect on the great possibilities. Neat submission, written simply enough for all to identify with the scenario, you did a nice job with this presentation, and I enjoy the read, nice job...Good Luck, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2003-10-21 10:51:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80000
Donna,
The universe in a dew drop. You take a sliver of an observation from an everyday
occurance in a seemingly unknowable universe and tell us essentailly all there is to know
about identity and it's importance in the scheme of things. WHEW! Masterfully done, Donna.
Rick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-21 09:04:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57692
Wow Donna this is such a powerful piece in IMAGE........here I sit in my bedroom in Tully, probably thousands of miles from where you are and yet.....its like that blade of grass is here before my eyes, I can clearly see the morning light allowing the dew to drip from the tree above be seen and there it is ......one little speck on the blade of grass holding on for dear life afraid to let go for fear of hitting the ground at the end of the blade of grass and in thus doing so becomes a part of nature once again losing itself to the cycle of life....so therefore the structure is good, pleasing to the eyes as well, words are just right in they allow the reader the ability to see, feel and watch as the dew falls and remains on the blade of grass. Thanks for posting and sharing this with us. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-21 00:09:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.12000
Donna--What a novel idea and a different slant for directing the ebb and flow (too cool to be an accident). Nice format for following the trail of the dew drop as to its fate if it could not maintain its place on the leaf. Could easily be an analogy for some life experience with similar consequences. Unique style but getting the job done. Thanks for sharing with us here on TPL. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dan D Lavigne On Date: 2003-10-20 16:23:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.14286
Donna,
Very nice in its simplicity. I think this is a special peice. Normally I would not critique this poem but I feel as though it reaches a place that rhyme and rhythm just does not go.
"The dew
that dripped
from the tree
is now on You have fond a nice peaceful place here where tranquility superceeds neccessity. Would
a blade be interested to how this piece would look in a different structure, but I am sure that
of grass would take away from what you were aiming to achieve with this peice.
in front
of me."
"I watch
it
as it
holds
its place
on the top Again, I would love to see what this would look like maybe broken into stanzas. It would
as if leave room for growth of this peice and leave room for the loss of self that the sliding
in sliding down would cause. I really like the simplicity of this peice.
down
it
would
lose
itself."
Thank you,
Dan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-20 16:02:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Donna,
I was amazed how you came up with this short piece laconically
crafted! I bothered counting all the number of words and oh, it
just sums up to 38! Very cute! But it is not all that I can say,
I feel that this piece is bringing a reflection, a deeper thought
that the reader can refect on to! Hmmm... you are watching the
dewdrop form on the blade of the glass and it is so thrilling that
as it holds itself on the top, if it would slide it would lose itself
totally! This is a point of reflection! This gives me the thoughts
of the things in the world that are fleeting. It leads me
to the thought that everything in this world is not permanent
that it would not last forever. Say for example your life, it
is very critical that if you get slid, it will be gone.
This would probably give us the warning and the caution that
we have to take care of the minute detail in our life that
while on earth we can do the best that we could do with all
the cautions and heed.
Well, Donna, you give me a deep ponderment here. It is always
a credit if the readers are invited to participate on the
thought. Your poem is almost a mystery that put the readers into
puzzle. Looking at the things aroung us in a microscopic perspective
we make our imagination soar high that would possibly lead to
a new horizons.
Thank you very much, I could not change anything on this
poem. It stands powerfully reflective.
Take care,
Jordan
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