This Poem was Submitted By: Sergio M chavez On Date: 2003-10-23 03:14:40 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Suicide Bomber Fuck living because I’m an ugly uni-brow
Fuck living because I have an ugly nose
Fuck living because I’m crazy
Fuck living because I'm too sentimental
Fuck living because I will always be laughed at
Fuck living because my friend has all the luck
Fuck living because looks get you laid not smarts
Fuck living because I have to try harder than you
Fuck living because I’m always getting pushed around
Fuck living because I feel like shit all the time
Fuck living because I’ll never amount to anything
Fuck living because I’ll never look good in a bathing suit
Fuck living because I’m not as smart as I thought I was
Fuck living because I’ll never fit in
Fuck living because I’m right and the world is wrong
Fuck living if I can’t have it my way
Fuck living because I'll never accept this gift of a lifetime
Fuck living because I’ll only attract fat ugly women
Fuck living because I hate black people
Fuck living because I can’t kill without punishment
Fuck living because I’m ignorant
Fuck living because I whine too much
Fuck living because my problems are none compared to yours
Fuck living because I’m too damn lazy
Fuck living because I’m too damn selfish
Fuck living if I can’t help others
Fuck living if I can’t help myself
Fuck living because I still shit on my underwear
Fuck living because I'm afraid of my anger
Fuck living because I have to live with my mistakes
Fuck living because I’m sorry for who I am
Fuck living because I’m sorry for who I’m not
Fuck living because I dream of fucking my mother
Fuck living because my father left us
Fuck living because God doesn’t exist
Fuck living because I’m famous
(I pull out my gun,as tears run down my cheek I shoot as many as I can and save the last bullet for me)
Thank You.
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Copyright © October 2003 Sergio M chavez
Additional Notes:
Thanks for the inspiration MHS Softball team 2001!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-05 08:49:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55000
Sergio, took the time to read some of your other work again for this one is so strong in emotions yet if they come from the heart and soul of someone who does this then its no wonder.....'It did take me by surprise to find such language but again, once you read on and know the source it is okay to deal with.
Perhaps some might indicate though that it is a bit over stated.....
The rage is quite evident though..... does well to give us a view of the "spontaneous shooter" that we would here about in the news one day enough perhaps to put fear back into our lives and then to forget the next as being just a fool.....sad to say how some can forget that fast....to me it would remain within my mind and heart for many days to come and go. Thanks for posting, be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Terrye Godown On Date: 2003-10-23 23:25:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Well Sergio, you probably hit the nail right on the head here with this one. If a suicide bomber's life flashed before his eyes right before he committed this henous act, this would certainly make sense for him to be thinking about. Isn't it funny that after the repetetive "Fuck living because.. it's always "I" or "my' that follows.. all except for the one that says "because God doesn't exist". In a hell like this, a person has become so self centered that he/she sees and feels nothing beyond self. Probably because he/she has never reached out to give instead of receive, which stands to reason that he/she disappoints him/herself in the end. But so human to feel all this negativity, and have no outlet but to blame, and blame he/she must... and it's usually God. Why God? Because it would take a devine nature to deal with such a person who only knows worshiping him/herself, never realizing that happiness comes from what you give of yourself, not what you expect others to render to you. Perhaps this person forgets that once he was a winner. In the beginning when he/she was first conceived. Millions of competitors raced for the life zone, and he/she made it there first, where opportunities to serve, to learn, to love and be loved in return are the key to peace and acceptance. This is a perfect reflection of selfishness, bitterness and an empty soul that has never learned the truth!
Callousness and indifference spill into an abyss of dark thoughts. One suggestion: cut the last sentence and make it two lines, say:
"'tears run down my cheek and fall on my gun...
I will shoot as many as I can...
And save the last bullet for me."
I might lose the "thank you" at the very end. It's unerving enough without that line thrown in I think.
Poignant and shattering!
Cheerz,
T
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-23 16:07:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.34615
Hi Sergio,
You have protrayed the anger, hate, fear, dissapointment, lack of
self esteem and what ever else a sucide bomber must be thinking...if
they think at all. I do believe you have the skill and talent to have
written this without the four letter word that is abrasive to many.
Otherwise you have you have the makings of a powerful piece of work.
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Dan D Lavigne On Date: 2003-10-23 08:57:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.27273
Sergio,
I had to take a few extra moments to read over some of your other submissions here to get a better grasp of your technique. For the shock value I think this piece is a bit over drawn. Sometimes less is more and in this case I think you could have accomplished a stronger grasp of the rage with a different approach. Lines 16, 26 and 27 really help to loose the consistant flow. When you break away from the reptition of the early lines you loose the sense of flow. May want to experiment with fitting those lines into the lyrical flow of the rest of the peice.Other than that I think it really does well to give us a view of the "spontaneous shooter" that we would here about in the news one day and is forgotten as a fool the next. Good description.
Thanks,
Dan
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