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This Poem was Submitted By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-10-25 09:33:45 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Mother and Child

To her pure bosom Lullabies cherubic tot Cradling the heaven

Additional Notes:
Thanks to Erzahl for the inspiration!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-30 12:44:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I like this haiku, as it shows both the general style of the poet, excellent phrasing and vocabulary. It's also representative of the emotional impact you make more often than not. I like the idea of cradling the heaven, as children have just come from a place which is closer to heaven than we are. Thanks, REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-11-03 12:30:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
To her pure bosom Lullabies cherubic tot Cradling the heaven Lovely, Jordan - the thought is brilliant but the syntax is a little off in the second line. Really good form in this evocative senyru best Rachel

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-10-30 16:52:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52000
Mother and Child....title alone reminds me of the Virgin Mary and the Baby Jesus.....no greater love then She to Him and He to Her........one can also visualize the love of a mother today to her young child, how she sits rocking him or her to bed at night, singing a song which is close to their hearts......the love one shares from the birth of the baby lasts through life for both.....nothing can take that love away....today we can say Our Lady still cradles her young son in many ways and thus the heavens rejoice..... good structure as always poet, true to form, never leaves the reader empty of emotions.....thank you for posting and sharing, be safe and may the Lord continue to bless your work. Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2003-10-30 09:50:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.64516
Hi Jordan! Thanks to you for being inspired and to Ezrahl for doing the inspiring. After reading Mark's "Mother of Sorrows" , this piece gives off a little devine inspiration as well. To me, this brings to mind Mother Mary holding the baby Jesus to her breast. Her heart filled with the pure love of His innocence, she sings sweet lullabyes to Him, literally rocking heaven in her arms. Wow! Jordan I dearly love this Haiku. You have taken a lovely, heartwarming thought and turned it into a powerfull image. Your form is of course flawless with the 5-7-5 format and you've picked a name that immdeiately gives us a strong image in our minds. Then you cleaverly build on that with each new line. Kudos to you for an inspiring work. My Best, Jennifer

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2003-10-28 22:12:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78125
Hi Jordan, This is a wonderful picturesque senryu…I wonder what inspired you on writing this subject “Mother and Child”? I like how the deep intimacy between the mother and child is visibly portrayed. Readers can easily feel the belongingness and closeness between the two. “To her pure bosom” --- Immediately you focus our attention to the usual activities and instinct interaction of love between mother and child. The picture here describes nothing but for me as “pure love”. “Lullabies cherubic tot” --- Nice use of “lullabies”, “cherubic” and “tot” instead of the usual “baby”, “child” or “infant”. I like how they are inter-related to each other, and when they are combined as one…I can hear the soft and gentle music of innocence. Again, your fond, fascinating and expertise in vocabulary radiates within this line in a very subtle way. “Cradling the heaven” --- Great end! I like the proper use of “cradling” as related to “bosom” and “heaven” as related to “cherubic”. The last line soften the words and feelings more. Kudos on your skillful senryu here Jordan! I’m thankful to be part of your another success! Again, you grace the site with your newfound talent! I’m glad you are enjoying it! Right to the form, style and beat, your economical words have completed an amazing thought. This is inspiring! Thank you for the “inspiration” too! Again, your soft spot about families exudes in your craft here. I sure enjoy the read! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2003-10-25 23:32:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Jordan--A true haiku in every sense of the word: brevity, 5, 7, 5 syllables, 3 lines format, and also the nature slant (heaven). I remember my mother rocking my younger siblings (I guess they were angles-then-smile)in her arms and singing them sweet songs to put them to sleep. Thanks again for showing us your "forte". Keep writing!! TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rebecca B. Whited On Date: 2003-10-25 21:31:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Jordan, I am glad that you were inspired by Erzahl to write in the haiku form. I love this one, as it is so soothing to the soul. It sings of joy! "To her pure [the use of the word 'pure' describles the perfect solice that a babe must feel, cradled in his/her mother's arms, suckling his/her sustenance from her bosom, gaining strength, endurance from her offering] bosom" "Lullabies [this is a new twist; the babe singing to his/her mother, the babe is her gift from heaven is it not? I can just envision he/she singing of joy!] cerubic [ah, the pure innocence, angelic grace that only he pure innocence, angelic grace that a wee one possesses!] tot" "Cradling [the use of the word 'cradling' here carries enormous weight...I can just imagaine the babe being fortified enough by his/her mother to hold the heavens in his/her arms! Also, it describes his/her ability to hold a little piece of heaven here on earth...what a comforting thought! the heaven" Thanks so much for submitting this one on TPL. I am comforted by the pure peace that this one solicits! Beck

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-10-25 14:59:37
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
Hi Jordan, This is just a beautiful haiku! I love the thought of a little angelic tot being cradled in his mother's arms...what a lovely image I get from your words. One could also interept your words to be describing the heavens...perhaps a goddess holding or comforting a cherished one. Either way it is a wonderful and peaceful image for me. The absolute epitome of a haiku...Bravo!!!! Peace...Marilyn

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