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This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2003-11-30 15:54:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93333
Annette: This is a lovely poem with a fascinating concept and one which I've never encountered before which makes it crisp and unique. This is basic free verse with some end rhymes, especially with the long O sound and a nice slant rhyme of seen/dreams. (I love slant rhymes). I will make a suggestion that I learned from a masterful poet: Never weaken your first line by using it as the title. So many of the masters' poems do exactly that but usually because the poets left their work untitled and editors or publishers placed the first line as the title. Whether you name it "Reflections" or "Imagery Memory" or a plethora of possibilities, save the wondrous phrase for the first line. "Maybe mirrors have memories .....exquisite... And I should toss you out. I'm not sure what you have (all) seen, Maybe deaths and broken dreams. Your vintage charm from long ago Must be what attracted me so." The mirror has witnessed all the bad times and by ousting it, you relieve yourself of the terrible memories. This notion carries great mystical depth for me. You mention "deaths and broken dreams", certainly painful events in the poet/narrator's life. I find the idea pleasing of the mirror's having vintage charm...this paints a picture in my brain of an old, antique mirror with elaborate framing, maybe scrollwork or curliques, etc. Even ready and poised to toss it out, you recall your initial attraction to the mirror. "But what sadness has gathered Like moss over ancient stones, And stares back at me When I am the most alone? I never underestimate the power ....great enjambment... Of sadness, and its insane hold on me. Maybe mirrors have memories." Very nice simile of sadness as moss on stones. The sad feelings, you tell us, occur from your mirror glance when you are "most alone" and that is a profound and realistic observation. Your entire poem is replete with the theme of sadness and you enhance that notion with the phrase: "I never underestimate the power of sadness and its insane hold on me." Many, many readers can relate to this. You end with the reiteration of the beginning line which is quite effective. This is an accomplished, deftly-penned poem which has enormous appeal for the reader (or for this one). There are twenty-four sibilant sounds...Sssssss....which provide euphony for my ears. The susurrant sounds are reminiscent of soft sighing, crying, and whispers of sadness. I have read this poem many, many times until it came up on my list and it has not lost its initial appeal or charm. That is indicative of a wonderful piece...that it retains its impact through repeated perusal. (It also pleases when read aloud). I hope you do not feel offended at suggestions but I like to offer options when I see them and also, I think the poem is nearly ready for publication. I would send it to a literary journal because it is of that ilk and albeit there is little if any remuneration, it is prestigious to be published therein. My best wishes for its success and I continue to be impressed with your poetic vision and subsequent delivery. Brava! Mell Morris

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