This Poem was Submitted By: Mark D. Kilburn On Date: 2003-11-12 15:43:14 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Her Healing Hands The shade from your trees
is now cooling me down
my eyes see your flowers
growing loved from the ground
your touch lights my being
your light warms my soul
as long as you’re near me
I’m complete and I’m whole.
Your eyes and your smile
are as pretty as stars
you’re gifted at healing
old aches, pains and scars
your motherly nursing
only for those in need
I drink from your well
as you water your seed.
Little birds in your garden
flit and flutter about
your yards full of kindness
it erases their doubt
trees are their shelter
bugs and flowers their food
it’s a place that can
alter the nastiest mood.
Your ground covers cover
my many mistakes
your blooms make me smile
come and take a short break
you work without reward
satisfactions your own
hummingbirds with these flowers
make your garden their home.
Your lips taste of berries
my mouth tastes the same
we’re watching red roses
in this place free from blame
so when your heart’s broken
and your feelings are hurt
please let me heal with you
work your life giving dirt.
When winter is raging
and your garden’s asleep
your soil is frozen
and the gray makes you weep
warm your heart in my arms dear
warm your spirit there too
I will love you forever and
will always be true.
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Copyright © November 2003 Mark D. Kilburn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Annette L Cowling On Date: 2003-12-06 20:34:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.58333
Mark -
I enjoyed reading your poem, what a lovely piece of work! You've incorporated nature throughout the poem and the effect is very nice. Thank you for sharing! Annette
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2003-11-23 19:12:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.95833
Mark, I enjoyed your poem very much.
The shade from your trees
is now cooling me down
my eyes see your flowers
growing loved from the ground
your touch lights my being
your light warms my soul
as long as you’re near me
I’m complete and I’m whole.
(you are talking to someone you obviously hve great affection and respect for it is evident in your language. Your rhyme scheme works for this poem even though it is one hard to pull off-in this case it adds to the casual affectionate tone)
Your eyes and your smile
are as pretty as stars (nice metaphor)
you’re gifted at healing
old aches, pains and scars
your motherly nursing
only for those in need
I drink from your well
as you water your seed. (here you acknowledge your own need while also showing she is capable of meeting that need)
Little birds in your garden
flit and flutter about (nice image here)
your yards full of kindness
it erases their doubt
trees are their shelter
bugs and flowers their food ( you make the bugs as beuatiful as the flowers very nice)
it’s a place that can
alter the nastiest mood.
Your ground covers cover
my many mistakes
your blooms make me smile
come and take a short break
you work without reward
satisfactions your own
hummingbirds with these flowers
make your garden their home.
Your lips taste of berries (nicely put)
my mouth tastes the same
we’re watching red roses
in this place free from blame
so when your heart’s broken
and your feelings are hurt
please let me heal with you
work your life giving dirt.
When winter is raging
and your garden’s asleep
your soil is frozen
and the gray makes you weep
warm your heart in my arms dear
warm your spirit there too
I will love you forever and
will always be true.
The thing I really love about the poem is that it works equally well if you are talking about earth herself or about a special woman in youf life. Overall, You have done a very good job with this one. Sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-21 23:36:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52941
Hi Mark....I am drawn in two areas with this one my friend....first of all LOVE......there is so much love within the lines.....perhaps for that wonderful wife of yours.....indeed she can heal all of your wounds....and brighten even the darkest of days.......if she is the gardener within the other parts I see and feel then the two go hand in hand....but in the beginning I thought of Nature and the beauty it brings forth each Spring and how it also fades and dies away come winter months....yet, what she has done inbetween lasts with us forever......soothing, refreshing, uplifting so much goes into the outdoors and I know you live in such a fine area of the world....that you would have access to all of this and the little birds that feed on what is presented to them as well....over and over again this read has brought forth many emotions and all of them pleasing to one's soul.....a touch with nature, a walk perhaps through the land surrounding you and the feelings involved. Thank you for posting and allowing this reader the journey through your garden. Be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-11-19 11:15:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70588
How nice of you to write this lovely and inspiring poem, Mark! I think this is
my first time to read a poem of this kind, huh! I can relate the ideas so much
especially that I am still a bachelor, still courting...SMILE. But this love you
portray here is more intimate and mature. It evident in the title HER HEALING HANDS,
it even denotes love grounded by spirituality. By the triple H in the title is interesting!
The poem is teemed with lovely metaphors like "shade in your trees", "your flowers",
"your light", "little birds in your garden", etc. They give me new concepts though they seem
to appear regular.
The visuals applied are vividly powerful. In the first strophe, it reinforced the validity of the title
as it describes the person as the light that warms the soul, the tree of refuge, the touch of healing.
So as in the second stanza as you described your dear as "you’re gifted at healing
old aches, pains and scars". Yep, I agree with that because your beloved someone
will inspire you and wash away all the tiredness and there would be no wall for tears and
desperation.
The free verse style simply works aptly signifying freedom. Love is freedom, no one can ever stop
you from loving someone. My only comment is, sometimes when I read line by line, sometimes I can
feel a little uneasy to where to pause because of the absence of puncutations like commas. But it
is a preference. Also a little comment on this line:
Your ground covers cover
my many mistakes
Isn't it redundant to use two words in a single line? You used cover for as noun and verb in the same line.
I would prefer deleting the noun to have:
Your ground covers
my many mistakes...this is a little simplified. Just a trivial suggestion.
Overall, the poem is great in its lovely imageries and inspiring thoughts.
Thank you for sharing, Mark. I should be more in love today!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-11-17 16:32:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Mark,
I find this to be a lovely poem that just makes me feel good. I
have many flower gardens such as you describe. All the way through
I believed you were writing about Mother Nature and the wonders we
find in her work...."my eyes see your flowers growing loved from the
ground"..."Your light warms my soul." However, the second read allowed
me to think of your words as written to a cherished one and to
appreciate how beautiful they are...."your touch lights my being your
light warms my soul."..."you are gifted at healing old aches, pains and
scars"...love this line...."your yards full of kindness" I think of my
flower gardens like this especially when it begins to bloom in the
spring...makes me smile!..."its a place that can alter the nastiness
mood"..this is so true...."your lips taste of berries my mouth tastes
the same"..two people in love sharing the same taste at the same time
is very intimate..sensual...."warm you heart in my arms dear warm your
spirit there too"..then the last two lines you profess your love. This
is such a warm and loving poem...also the rhyme is good...flows along
without being forced which only adds to the charm of this piece. Good job!
Peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: C Arrownut On Date: 2003-11-16 18:22:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Mark, I take it this is a love story, perhaps even the love of a wife who kept your blood pumping through all thick and thin. I enjoyed this so much, even places where you break the rules, such as "ground cover covers"--the repetition of words so close to each other. But here it works and did not take my mind off your message at all. Basically, that's how I judge whether or not a certain word is the right one or not: does it take the reader's mind off the message? So I say Bravo and good luck.
I look forward to reading more of your work. I hope I've been helpful. If not, look at my poems and tear with the teeth of a lion.
C.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2003-11-14 21:14:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark,
This lyric poem's rhythmic elements are really lovely. The metrical structure is consistent throughout, and has a soothing effect, rather like its theme. I like the way you compare your lady to a Nature goddess whose touch brings forth the flowers and whose generous character brings birdsong and clear skies. She is Earth Mother, lover and companion. Your diction isn't hard to follow and your sincerity is obvious. Imagery is vivid and comfrotingly familiar, for who has not enjoyed the delights of a garden or the freshness of spring? (Right now, I could use them!).
your yard[']s full of kindness - apostrophe needed, I think.
My only quibble is with the last line in the penultimate stanza - "work your life giving dirt". To me, "dirt" just doesn't cut it. I can see working "magic", "soil", "ground" ... but "dirt" sounds so ... well, dirty and unbeautiful compared to the overall tone of the poem. I believe it's included mainly to rhyme with "hurt". Of course, this is just a diction choice.
Other than that, no suggestions! If I were the subject to whom this poem is addressed, I'd be absolutely thrilled and moved beyond words. It's such a lovely, honest tribute. The depth of love is clear, yet you don't go too far overboard into sentimentality. The gardening metaphor keeps the poem from getting "sappy"! It works very well in all respects.
Nicely done ... and much enjoyed.
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-14 02:37:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.00000
dear mark, you are a good poet but you have to try to cut the words that are not necessary as i will show you...please dont take it personally.take care! april
ps. please read your poem aloud.thanks for sharing it.
(Her) Healing Hands
(The) shade from your trees
is now cooling me down
my eyes see your flowers
growing loved from (the) ground
your touch lights my being
your light warms my soul
as long as you’re near (me)
I’m complete (and) I’m whole.
Your eyes and (your) smile
(are as) pretty as stars
you’re gifted at healing
old aches, pains and scars
your motherly nursing
only for those in need
I drink from your well
as you water your seed.
Little birds in (your) garden
(flit and) flutter about
your yards full of kindness
(it) erases their doubt
trees are (their) shelter
bugs and flowers their food
it’s a place that can
alter (the) nastiest mood.
Your ground covers cover
my many mistakes
your blooms make me smile
come (and) take a short break
you work without reward
satisfactions your own
hummingbirds with these flowers
make your garden their home.
Your lips taste of berries
my mouth tastes the same
we’re watching red roses
in this place free from blame
so when your heart’s broken
and your feelings are hurt
please let me heal with you
work your life giving dirt.
When winter is raging
and your garden’s asleep
your soil is frozen
and the gray makes you weep
warm your heart in my arms dear
warm your spirit there too
I will love you forever and
will always be true.
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