This Poem was Submitted By: Sergio M chavez On Date: 2003-11-19 17:28:36 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Ignorant Attempt To...

A God given paradise infested with parasitic ignorance Only the strong survive, how pathetic. I remember prancing around in this hellhole of ours Now I’m terrified of stepping outside. Craving power and taking advantage of the weak Criticizing the differences Self-Centered, lying assholes Angry over unfulfilled desires while children starve. Paranoid of sinister motives Afraid of being used and tossed away I won’t hold humanity’s poisoned hand Feeling like a wounded deer near hungry wolves How can I deal with your lies and hurtful remarks? Looking forward to a life of Pain Prefer to die than to lie again I’d rather stay in this sheltered hole and pity you Than to step outside and become myself. 

Copyright © November 2003 Sergio M chavez

Additional Notes:
Describing my distorted view of humanity.


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2003-11-28 09:30:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.95455
Sergio - Is this the flip side of "The Wall"? I've just finished reading that and this one seems to parallel the theme. Sad tales...both of them! Poetically - you've managesd to express the deep feelings that have caused this poem rather well. Your anger and hurt are felt in the words you present..your pain is visible in the images you've created. And...all that makes for good poetry! Thanks for the read! Sean


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-21 12:33:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
The way you see humanity is described rather bleakly my friend.....perhaps it has something to do where you live? Though here we also find the rich wanting full control of all, including what is not there's to have nor to hold..... To find memories of happier times seems wonderful yet....here you seem to now be a priosoner of your own existence.......afraid to venture outside in the open air, afraid of what? The servants of the community that are toprotect you I find now make your life more fearful....just a thought though that seems true no matter where one lives these days.....when we were children the police were there to protect us....now, it seems they are out to get us.......my own thoughts. Looking forward to a life of Pain.......pain may not mean physical as some might expect but emotional pain is more horendous at times.......harder to bear, fear that takes away life itself.... Actually poet, the way you see your world might not be so far off....the pain and suffering that is taking place around the world seems unfair....one country takes from another and never gives back what riche's it has taken to assist the country that did help.....the wars, in already beaten down countries....the pain of the people within those borders, the losses sustained and the death mounts....children, always the children that suffer so....starvation runs as rampant here in the USA as it does overseas....when will our own leaders wake up and see the truth.....how can one help and extend to others when they cannot care for their own here......wow. what an eye opener this piece is my friend and perhaps I am so far off though this is where you have taken this reader. Thanks for the experience, the refreshment to one's soul that there is good not only evil in this world we all live in.........I hope your views take a change for the better soon.....be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-11-21 04:29:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.29167
hi sergio, your poem is enveloped with "sinister" thoughts to it and one would actually think youve practically lived its lines.i was just wondering why the "pain" was capitalized,i.e., "Prain."maybe its the personified "you(?)"well, my poetic intincts were challenged when i read it.thanks for that.take care.april
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2003-11-19 18:59:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
Yikes, you are one angry person. Are you this way all the time, or do you have better days? Your second stanza is a bit weak inasmuch that you don't say whom you are raling about. Is it government, foreigners, your mother? Maybe the Church? Just who? I don't know anyone who would look forward to a life of pain as you described (and why did you capitalize pain?). I’d rather stay in this sheltered hole and pity you Than to step outside and become myself I'd rather go outside and become myself. Whom are you pitying? Man, you need to let off some steam...go to the gym??! Thanks for posting.
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