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This Poem was Submitted By: Sergio M chavez On Date: 2003-11-22 01:37:35 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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The Wall

I’m sorry for walking into your atrocity Forced into Masonry by your anger I traded my innocence for the blueprint Exchanged the fear for glue. One more brick one less sorrow One more brick one less hate One more brick one less truth One more brick one less memory Of the unforgivable affect on me. In perfect isolation from the world Shaping reality toward perpetual euphoria A lovely nursery to breed the demons As I disassociate to this safe haven. Mischievously depriving myself of Life Truth, Love, Pain, Compassion and Reason Lost in the far reaches of space. Misguided by my voice of comfort Is this some unseen manipulation? Constantly imagining the crumbling Curious to live on outside the wall Infinitely horrified of letting go.

Additional Notes:
Dedicated to my brother who I love and respect. This piece reads different from my other poems because I actually used a thesaurus this time. Thanks for reading.

This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-05 22:22:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.40000
hi sergio, the images you used in the poem are very well and carefully chosen. i have "SEEN THE message of the WALL" reading the lines. you have effectively used the image of the WALL in association to your life.you have earned my respect because of that. however, i just want to call your attention on a very slight possible error found on the line "Of the unforgivable AFFECT on me." the word AFFECT is (as far as i know) a verb.is not the word suppose to be EFFECT (which is a noun and therefore) more apt?well please see to it. but i still respect your poem and you. thanks for sharing it.april

This Poem was Critiqued By: Annette L Cowling On Date: 2003-12-03 16:02:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.71429
Sergio - What a moving poem! I especially like the part about perpetual euphoria...a lovely nursery to breed the demons. The descriptions you've used are great, thanks for a great poem. Annette

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sean Donaghy On Date: 2003-11-28 09:22:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.95455
Sergio - This rings with the same sense of "hurt" as does Paul Simon's, "I Am A Rock" in which he says, "I build walls/A fortress deep and mighty/That none may penetrate" You nicely express the almost-universal need to protect one's self from the hurting world. Nice work. S.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2003-11-23 12:20:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58333
This is an interesting poem. One sees the inner workings of a mind deciding if life will be bearable if one lets go of his/her ability to dissociate into a safe place. I did wonder (after reading the notes) if there was another method of Self protection or numbing going on. Speaking as one who has been there, I can only offer this: Believe in yourSelf. You can cope with life. Listen to your poet's voice and write, write, write! This is a much easier poem to follow than any of yours I have previously read. Wonderful growth is shown here. The imagery used gives much more power to your meaning. Keep on writing! Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-11-22 07:34:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52778
Poet...you are very good at placing your emotions on paper and allowing them to flow......good structure within the lines of this one......the images of you taking the bricks and making that wall while somehow using life within is also seen and felt..... One more brick one less sorrow One more brick one less hate One more brick one less truth One more brick one less memory Of the unforgivable affect on me. and with each brick you place into the wall your memory is perhaps becoming whole once again ...that would be wonderful my friend for it seems to me that you have suffered much in your short life... I pray the curious in you shall take that one step which will allow you to begin the first day of the rest of your life knowing not all is like you have lived it so far.....there is good outside the walls you have been within and there is love , real love, waiting for you there if only you will let go of the pain and sorrow you have lived thus far...... Again, thank you forposting and sharing this with us.......it is never easy to let go of what we fear and venture out into the outside world but it is worth a try, a good honest try. Be safe my friend, God Bless and I look forward to more of your work. Claire

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