This Poem was Submitted By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-09 22:37:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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No Use Trying to Forget

Old wounds break open. I heard the familar knock  on the wall of my heart   and put stone there to block but,  Old wounds break open.  They sting first   Like a wasp   and swell I swallowed all my dreams like ice  and closed my eyes   praying they would go down but,  Old wounds break open. They won't let me breathe  Unless I talk   Spitting out the hopes I tried to block Until visions of him  Spin around the room   His arms like spider webs    His heart; my tomb And all I want to do  is rest...  Old wounds break open.   No use trying to forget. 

Copyright © December 2003 madge B zaiko


This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-01-02 18:40:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.68000
Hi Madge, This is a very powerful poem and it spoke to me clearly. The pain you are in (or were in) is so raw in this poem. The use of repetition really works to not only hold this poem together, but also to give more punch to the emotional tone. I have no suggestions for change. The form you are using works, the poem flows well and circles back with the repetition. Good writing. Rene


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-01-01 10:20:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96154
Dear Madge , This poignant piece touches my heart and speaks volumes. You express yourself well here and this piece talks of the pain and suffering of brokeness in a familiar yet fresh perspective. I think many readers will be able to relate to the pain and hurt reflected in this poem. "I heard the familar knock on the wall of my heart and put stone there to block but, Old wounds break open." This is a good analogy of the suffering and pain of unforgiveness that leads to bitterness and aloneness. (from my own experience, anyway.) This piece is very songlike. Do you have any musucal talents? Well, obviously you do, but, have you dicovered them yet? Seems to me this would make a good song. You have assonance with old/open in the repetitive phrase "Old wounds break open" which serves as a cohesive to glue the whole piece together and remind us of the pain which won't go away. There is more asonnance running through here (heard/heart, him/spin,) and also rhyme(knock/block,talk/block,room/tomb) and also alliteration (swell/swallow, spitting/spin/visions) to name a few that bounce off the page. "I swallowed all my dreams like ice and closed my eyes praying they would go down but, Old wounds break open." I can SOOOOO relate to feeling this way. I tried many times to forget. But those old hurts just kept surfacing. "Spitting out the hopes I tried to block Until visions of him Spin around the room His arms like spider webs His heart; my tomb And all I want to do is rest... " This is fantastic and fresh the way you relate the visions of him spinning around the room and his arms like spider webs. Then, his heart being your tomb is another fantastic metaphor. Your ending ties the whole piece back to your title. "No use trying to forget." Nicely done, poet! Thanks for sharing this. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-19 04:24:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
madge, you must have had a very hurting experience as i felt your pain in this poem (snif,snif).well it really hurts recalling what happened in the past that made you cry and...o well.this is a very well crafted hurt-story (hurt-history).thanks for sharing it (napkin please! snif.).april
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-16 21:39:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
Poet, to me you are new so welcome to the link.........I critique from my heart and will tell you what I feel within your lines.....I am not gifted like others to help you do better though I wish at times I could. Enjoyed the structure of this poem, the word flow, the images brought forth from my own memories and present day life......and the repeating of Old wounds break open indeed adds to this along with no use trying to forget.... I was married for 17 years and presently divorced from this man a bit longer then we were married. He still calls me with his problems no matter what they are, he asks to borrow money, he cries on my shoulder and tells me he made a mistake in divorcing me.....that he will always love me.....talk about old wounds breaking open......each and every time for I did not want that divorce and loved the man deeply. Why some guys are the way they are I shall not understand. Thus your poem brings forth not only images of the past but the present as well and the pain associated with it. Thanks for sharing, perhaps someday these old wounds will not hurt so much. Be safe my friend, looking forward to more of your work. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-12-14 07:34:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Madge, First all, welcome to the link. I'm sure you'll have fun and at the same time learning as this is what I have upon joining way back in august of 2000. This is a living testimonial! Just kiddin'! Your first submission didn't disappoint me with your emotional piece "No Use Trying to Forget" which is a reality to, if not all, most of the living individual in their experience of lost love. The refrain of "Old wounds break open." seems to be the highlight of the poem and it could be the title of the piece but "No Use Trying to Forget" is catchy. It is also intriguing that the readers are drawn into curiosity especially me that I am still a bachelor. I have experienced lost love but my heart was not that wounded like you, if your poem is a true self-experience. A very impulsive input you have here: "I heard the familar knock on the wall of my heart and put stone there to block" ---the metaphor is powerful and is very true! But I think you have a typo here, "familar" which should be "familiar". This is a small thing to consider, though. Maybe, you were just driven by your emotion when you were typing this! SMILE! They sting first ---I am thinking of inserting "at" before "first". It's not that important, though. Like a wasp ---the simile makes an emphatic phrase! It is appropriately used. and swell I swallowed all my dreams like ice and closed my eyes praying they would go down ----again, the simile is apt and it makes a poignant tone! I understand your emotion here! His arms like spider webs His heart; my tomb And all I want to do is rest... ----sometimes we don't expect that this person whom we shared love became the thief of our dreams. Very great lines, so moving! Your piece made me realized of the faimiliar adage "to forget is forgive". Do you believe that it is through forgiving that you will forget? Thanks for sharing, Madge. This is a realistic and significant piece one can relate. Keep writing! Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Drenda D. Cooper On Date: 2003-12-13 15:26:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
madge, What a sad, melancholy poem this is....By using the term repeatedly "Old wounds break open"..suggests to this reader that this is an incident from long ago ..these persistent feelings despite attempts to block them out suggest a certain hopelessness within the subject...this hopelessness is driven home by the last line and the title of the poem "No use trying to forget"..... There is a melodic sibilance in the second verse with '"sting, first, wasp, swell, swallowed, eyes, ice," etc. IT continues into the 3rd stanza with "spitting, spin, and spider." There is a songlike rhythm to this poem that one could almost hear it begging to be put with a melody and turned into a very sad love song... This poem is ripe with simile which brings in quite a few "likes" in the poem."like a wasp". .."like ice".."like spider webs" which is fine...Might I suggest, however, that changing a few words here and there might eliminate the need for so many repetions of "like"...Repetition has its place and I feel the repetition of "Old wounds break open" is used very effectively.. I enjoyed reading this one and and again it is highly "lyrical" and really should be set to music.... Good luck and have a happy Christmas......................drenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2003-12-12 08:54:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Forgetting is the hard part. We use the word as if it were an action, as if it were supplied with our energy, something we push up the hill every day, Sisyphus' interminable toiling. But forgetting is not action, it is inaction, it is death, it is the involuntary loss of memory, Alzheimer's personality disease - to forget is to lose, to forget is to be beaten. the goal is to turn the memory into an energy that focuses the remainder of your living days. never forget. but focus.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2003-12-10 12:13:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Madge, Very, very nice. Sometimes the context in our critquing each other is very valuable. I just critiqued a very good poem by Brenda Tate, which i had some reservations about in terms of it's style - too ingenious at times in it's diction. Yours is beautifully simple in it's diction, simple and balanced in it's rhythms, with the nice device of repetition in the line "Old wounds break open." I would get rid of the last line, though. It's clear from the rest of the poem that there's "No use trying to forget," and to end with the refrain would be perfect. Mark
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2003-12-10 11:35:55
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
How lovely - this poem resonates with presence and luscious language with assonant vowels. It is both dramatic and gentle - Wonderful piece! No Use Trying to Forget Good title - invites us into the story Old wounds break open. ah, yes I heard the familar knock on the wall of my heart and [set?} stone there to block [excellent visual] but, nice enjambment Old wounds break open. good soft refrain They sting [at] first Like a wasp [as a wasp will -for more alliteration?] and swell I swallowed all my dreams like ice [wonderful analogy! We can feel the close throated agony of it!} and closed my eyes praying they would go down but, Old wounds break open. ah...yes...and irritate as they go down! They won't let me breathe Unless I talk [perhaps speak?] Spitting out the hopes I tried to block Until visions of him Spin around the room His arms like spider webs His heart; my tomb And all I want to do is rest... wonderful magical visual! Old wounds break open. No use trying to forget. No. No use at all! Welcome Marge - Yours is an extraordinary and brilliant voice.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-10 10:44:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Madge, This poem just screams depression over a lost love. It is easy to feel the pathos in every line...."I heard the familar knock on the wall of my heart"..this is a great line but it tells the reader that this event has taken place before and it is so painful. ..."put some stone there to block"...I definitely undertand this reaction to a painful situation. My husband use to say that whenever I could not cope I would build a imaginary wall around myself that no one could penetrate until I would finally let them 'in'...."I swallowed all my dreams like ice and closed my eyes" Our dreams, no matter what they are, are so had to give up. They are important to us and keep us going, sometimes under impossible odds...."They won't let me breath unless I talk, spitting out the hopes I tried to block." ..."his arms like spider webs his heart my tomb." The love for this man is all consuming and the thought of losing him is unbearable..this is so evident in "his heart may tomb" This line is a perfect description of the emotions of depression. Also the repetition of "Old wounds break open" works very well here. I am not sure if these old wounds were inflicted by the same man or someone else but it makes no matter...this is such a painful time and one that must be dealt with sooner or later. I wish you well and healing. I am happy to see you posting on TPL again. Blessings..Marilyn
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