This Poem was Submitted By: Robert L Tremblay On Date: 2003-12-12 21:26:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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First, Last Kiss

                                                                  Before           Since that                                                              we met, none        forlorn kiss, the void                                                       had touched my              has grown large, to desiccate                                            essence; my soul a virgin                                                                                                      my soul of lifeís discharge and                                   captured by your presence.              O!                                                                                                          wonder, I,  what will become of                               how you captured me by your                                                                                                               me?  Do you care?  What am I to                                                                 profile, blinding my  dreams                            do,                                                                                                                      to be?  You damn me for                          and dooming my hopes,                                                                                                   noth-        ing, for what I am,  being                           while  caging me with one                                                                                                              a man born of mother                          kiss behind mindís bars, forever                                                                                                       ram who loved and loves                        doomed to walk the desert Mars.                                                                                                      to depths unkown to                      Why this?  What manner of                                                                                                most, who honors, true,                   woman were thee?  To offer life                                                                                                 the sacred Holy Ghost.                   to such a rogue as me and, thence,                                                                                                      Yet, beyond torment,               never existing  happily as one. What                                                                                                            within all of this,      manner of devil art thou, that would dispatch a                                                                                                              and distant to  your  a kiss to make me bow  to the Gatekeeper of destinyís                                                                                                                                          divine beauty,  Miss,  time?  Enough of  this, the end, I scream!  What crime                                                                                                                                   I brood and think  Iíve  done to warrant death sentence at prime,                                                                                                            upon that first,           before the final toll of Father Time?.                                                                                                                   last kiss.

Copyright © December 2003 Robert L Tremblay

Additional Notes:
It remains a right sided profile of a young woman with the poetry on the left being the hair on her right flowing over her right shoulder, the blank area in the center being her face with "O!" her right eye and "do," representing her nostrils and tip of her nose, "noth-" her "Mona Lisa" smile, and the right side of the poem being her hair on her left side lying on her forehead and flowing around her left cheek down over her left shoulder, with bosom emphasized. For ease of reading, a normally formatted poem is posted below. First Kiss, Last Kiss Before we met, none had touched my essence; My soul a virgin captured by your presence. O! how you captured me by your profile, Blinding my dreams and dooming my hope while Caging me with one kiss behind mindís bars, Forever doomed to walk the desert Mars. Why this? What manner of woman were thee? To offer life to such a rogue as me And, thence, never existing happily As one. What manner of devil art thou, That would dispatch a kiss to make me bow To the Gatekeeper of destinyís time? Enough of this, the end, I scream! What crime Iíve done to warrant death sentence at prime, Before the final toll of Father Time?. Since that forlorn kiss, the void has grown large, To desiccate my soul of lifeís discharge And wonder, I, what will become of me? Do you care? What am I to do, to be? You damn me for nothing, for what I am, Being a man born of mother ram Who loved and loves to depths unkown to most, Who honor, true, the sacred Holy Ghost. Yet, beyond torment, within all of this, And distant to your divine beauty, Miss, I brood and think upon that first, last kiss.


This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-29 22:58:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.05263
robert, good job! i dont know for others but i believe that this is a very romantic piece of poetry. i hope to read more of its kind in the future. happy holidays.april


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-27 19:17:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79167
As always poet you put so much of yourself within the work of your poetry.....and this one stands out among the best you have created with the flare of your pen and the midnight oil you have burnt......nice structure, one can see the young woman, her features created with love and the long flowing hair .......the words chosen bring forth the emotions felt within the structure of the lines.....enjoyed this, great read, thank you for posting and sharing this with us, be safe and God Bless. Claire Since that forlorn kiss, the void has grown large, To desiccate my soul of lifeís discharge And wonder, I, what will become of me? Do you care? What am I to do, to be? how often do we feel such emotions? many times I am afraid......
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-14 22:08:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Hi Bobby T., This is truly one of the loveliest poems I have read of yours. I must admit I was glad you posted it in the normal format as I am not as deft at reading some of your work as I should be, as it seems so natural for you to draw pictures with your words...."Before we met none had touched my essence" What a perfect way to begin this piece..with the confession that none but she ever touched our poet in such a profound and personal way. From there the entire piece just seems to get better with every line...."caging me with one kiss behind mind's bars" Beautiful descriptors of a man totally enraptured by this woman...."What manner of woman were thee"..."what manner of devil art thou"..."enough of this, the end I scream"...these are such Shakespear-ish statements..takes me back to English lit...and that was a long way back! In the end our poor love-sick swain laments what will become of him and alas does she even care?..."Miss..I brood and think upon that first, last kiss." This is truely an amazing piece of poetry and I feel honored that you posted it here for me to read and I imagine all who read it will feel the same. It is clever, sad, witty, and very touching. I think you have another winner! Blessings of peace...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-13 01:19:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
AH! A familiar story... I feel for you my friend. I really liked this... My critique would be for you to maybe try and keep the rhythmn up that you have in the first stanza throughout the peice... It is very tight and easy to feel and read... it loosens up as the poem goes along. I am amazed at the time you put into these poems ... It reminds me ,loosely, of a great artist ( Chuck Close ). Blessings -Madge
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2003-12-12 23:13:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Bobby, I must be blessed to first critique this one. This is completely a new discovery in poetry. Well, you submitted several pieces of unique amazing form like this. I think you are also fond of sculpture. Your artful work and designs in poetry ar no compare (no pun ---it is evident in your works). I have not seen any work submitted here in the link that has an image like your work. Thanks for the additional notes for the immediate aid in understanding your work. But I think this is not quite complicated because it is really seen in the figure as if a true sculpture here in my screen. Her Mona Lisa smile is even a pictured acutely. Mona Lisa has a long hair and it can be seen here. It seems all the words you chose are carefully chosen to magically form the image of that young woman. And the more it become interesting because of the theme, "meditating on that first, last kiss". It seems lovely but it was a little tragic. I thought of the first kiss that lasts forever! Intriguing one! You were I think deceived bu the Mona Lisa smile of that young woman. So impulsive is this input: "O! how you captured me by your profile, Blinding my dreams and dooming my hope while Caging me with one kiss behind mindís bars, Forever doomed to walk the desert Mars." Your choice of words made powerful descriptors. And the influx of your ideas just flow nicely to the reflective ending. I almost couldn't believe the creation of this piece with all the constraints like the form and the rhyming but it seems you didn't have any hard effort for this. You seemed to have it scultured with ease. A clever clever work. Artful, deft, skillful...what else should I say. Another piece worth of publication in The Guiness Book of Record. I hope to see this as a winner. Keep submitting your amazing works. It is your trademark. Jordan
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