This Poem was Submitted By: Michele Rae Mann On Date: 2003-12-17 13:21:26 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I and Me

Why do I cry where you cannot see Why do I get angry at you, please Someone can see It's not me Being free is not all its supposed to be I'm always on bended knee Please set me free Please Freedom is clean Freedom could be me Can't you just see It's me, Me, ME!

Copyright © December 2003 Michele Rae Mann


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jolene M DePonceau On Date: 2004-01-03 14:00:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Michele--this piece is so tragic--reminds me of some of my own life--but you hold onto YOU, don't let anyone make you, you.I'm not sure if I agree that freedom is clean--sometimes it involves getting your hands dirty, and it usually involves a lot of bloodloss. But hey girl--you rock on! Thanks for the read--Jolene DePonceau


This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2003-12-27 18:49:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.79167
Emotion packed poet.....the pain one feels when relationship goes bad......you and me......perhaps one might consider a lover or a husband but I find it more of a relationship between mother and daughter and one that is tearing you apart since there ae miles between you.....perhaps not physical miles but miles enough that you cannot bridge the differences and she is not even caring to try. The tears that one sheds in private for it is most often not allowed to let the child know they are breaking your heart still keeping her safe from emotions she is causing.....let her know, perhaps she will learn she is not the only one here.....you are real, you gave her life, you love and care for her........and what does she do in return? niely structured, good word flow, images come and go but its the emotions that are packed within. Thank you for posting and sharing this most difficult piece with us......I am sure it will touch the hearts of many who take the time to read and feel what is being said. Be safe my friend, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2003-12-18 18:16:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Michele, I can feel the pathos in your words that cry for freedom. I am not sure what type of freedom you are seeking but in my gut I think it may be freedom from a relationship that has not provided what you need. It could be a marriage but I tend to think a relationship that is tearing you apart...making you needy, making you beg to be understood, or you may be the one who loves the most...which is true of most situations between a man and a woman. I think you want yourself back as it has been taken from you and is making you do and say things that are not actually you. That is a tough spot to be in. You have said reams in this poem in a few words and I would like to know what it is that is hurting you. Just my thoughts..hope I have not completly fractured your intention in this poem....Have a wonderful holiday Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: madge B zaiko On Date: 2003-12-18 16:06:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
I feel the emotion that you have put into this poem from the first line..." Why do I cry where you do not see?" I really like that. I hope that you funnel more of that emotion through your poetry because that's the stuff that makes the words beautiful... My suggestion with this poem is to tone down the rhyming a little bit... I was stuck on the rhymes too much... perhaps, if you add some lines with contrasting rhythmn? Good luck -Madge
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2003-12-18 05:27:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
michele, you have a good idea here of a poem but i feel like theres something missing... I and Me Why do I cry where you cannot see Why do I get angry at you, please Someone can see It's not me ========== (THERES SOMETHING MISSING HERE!) Being free is not all its supposed to be I'm always on bended knee Please set me free Please Freedom is clean Freedom could be me Can't you just see It's me, Me, ME! the first stanza reads like it doesnt belong to the rest of the poem.so i suggest you write another stanza that will precede the second one informing the reader that it is about freedom. i hope you got my point. take care. april
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2003-12-17 21:38:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
A cry for help? It's all about you? Sure it is! One has to be comfortable in their own skin. So what's stopping you? You could have titled this, Me, Myself, and I which would have covered all the bases. I tell it like it is and I AM a professional! Have a good Holiday, and thanks for posting.
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