This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-08 15:31:21 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
Click Here To add this poem to your "Voting Possibilities" list!
Copyright © January 2004 marilyn terwilleger
Her Looking Glass
She peered into her looking glass
and spied her lack luster soul
nary a glint or gleam mirrored
dark eyes dull and doleful
The shadowed hallways of her mind
empty of emotion, wrapped by
walls formed inside her heart.
Years of unshed tears thrashed
her spirit, stealing it's zest
leaving her forsaken and pitiless.
When the wind blows and the sun
shines she recalls sharp edges of night
She was there when his light dimmed
and death came into the room, without
a cry or gasp he met his doom
with but a shuddered sigh
Where once her splendor thrived and
her being soaked in pleasure is now
a manor bleak and barren
her looking glass forzen forever.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-06 14:46:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43182
This poem brings to mind a medival castle, and the lady of the Manor waiting for her husband to come home. He is her light, and their love is strong. He does return after many years, only to be so ill that he wastes away before her very eyes. Afraid to look into the looking glass where she once saw a beautiful and happy Lady, secure in her husband's love. Now she sees only the emptiness of her eyes and her future looks dark and grim.
Anyway, that is my fantasy! When I read the poem I read a whole story into it. To me that is the sign of a good writer! You let me interpret your poem into my own little story.
This was an enjoyable read and I am glad I had the privilege to read and critique it.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-03 00:13:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55405
Her Looking Glass......a befitting title for such a sad piece for one glance within her soul and you will not only see but feel the intense loss of her love.....too early in life.....so now she stands alone in her journey of completion and her pain lingers on.......memories with regards to the visions created with the flare of your pen bring pain, deep and lasting pain, but it is not meant to be this way......
The poem was structured quite well my friend and yes, the flow of words bring the reader to where you intend for them to be but if you re trace your steps and glance once more into the looking glass you will find more........stop and listen to the voice within searching you out......feel his presence as your mind travels down that hallway only this time remember the good times shared, the happy and joyful times when the two of you walked through the woods near your home, hand in hand gathering whatever you pleased to bring home to perhaps share later......a smile, a certain look or even a sound as the birds gathered for their nightly songs......joyful times, happy times,
She was there when his light dimmed and death came into the room.......
I hope you know how important a time that was not only for him but for you as well......death comes to us all and unfortunately it is one journey we travel alone.....even if we died together in a car accident our journey is all ours.......we are born alone, we die alone yet........you were there with him so he was not alone.......his leaving this world was with you by his side.........and to him that meant so very much and if by chance he was not able to tell you then how much he loved you believe in your heart that he wanted to.......and he does now.......and thus the journey through your looking glass made life so worthwhile.....
As I read this poem my spirit kept pulling at me in many different directions but the one pull it kept tugging at was the love felt between the two of you.........
I thank you for posting this poem for others to share and the emotions within are worth sharing with others who feel the same way......I have not lost a mate through death but I have through divorce and to me the pain is but the same.......when someone you love is no longer there the void is never complete but the memories and there are memories of many years spent together that will help fill that void.......again, thank you and be safe.......I am sorry for my rambling.....this was a fine read and I would not suggest any changes except for the spelling of frozen but that was a typo and I know you saw it immediately after it posted. God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-02-02 19:01:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60714
This was incredibly sad to read and I felt the pain and lack of desire in this woman after I'm assuming)
she experiences the death of her husband.You allow us in this tortured soul, dull and doleful eyes
and the unshed tears that has stolen her spirit. Well done, filled with descriptive emotion that I felt to the end. There is only the typo in frozen which did not detract from the poem. Thank you for sharing.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-02 11:19:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
This is cleverly written, but almost too sad for this reader.
I hope this poem doesn't describe how you feel lately, but I'm afraid that's exactly what it does.
You start by employing your title to give us a glimspe into the speaker's soul and we see a darkness
that has overcome the light.
Your use of alliteration-lack/luster, glass/glint/gleam, dark/dull/doleful,
tears/thrashed, spirit/stealing, sun/shines/she, dimmed/death, shuddered/sigh, bleak/barren, frozen forever,
and assonance/rhyme--soul/dull/doleful, peered/years/tears, hallways/walls,room/doom, cry/sigh, pleasure/forever all make this piece flow well.
I wish I could do a better job of critiquing this, but it is just effecting me so much, my eyes keep tearing up that this woman is so caught up in the depression of her grief. I want to put my arms around her and give her a hug and tell her theres hope that she will get the gleam back someday, feel the soaring
pleasure of love again. To accept the loss and know that someday life will be sunny again.
Sorry, I'm just a hopeless romantic.
Thanks for sharing this.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-27 14:15:51
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.19231
Another striking and thought-provoking piece from your mind and pen. I love it. I hate to mention it, but there is one small typo that I am sure you have corrected by now.
From the beginning, I am spellbound by the darkness of this writing. It made me shiver, so cold, so hopeless, so terrible. GREAT allit..."lack lustre soul" (I clearly saw it)...and then you don't stop and hit us over the head with other dank dreary descriptions...."dark eyes dull and doleful". I wondereded whether I dare read further without becoming one of your graveyard subjects.
You continue on with the scary-sad story but I started to understand more (I think) as to why she is void of emotions and in this sombre shell with the references to her unshed tears. Very sad.
The transitional stanza sheds more light....and then the next one I start to really see what is so troubling. She has lost her man. He obviously meant a lot to her and I have heard that in partnerships of true love, the connection is so strong that any break from it can mortally wound you. I hope that she can recover.
Thank you for letting me comment. As always, imagery shines through in your work and moves the reader with ease. It is effortless reading your words as they simply sing to me and make me happy that I chose to critique this wonderful piece.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-01-22 21:11:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
Again, your poetry therapy speaks loud in substance and emotions. One can feel the emotional high once again by the “Weeping Widow”. I can’t blame you Marilyn, with all those beautiful and unforgettable memories, truly your heart and mind wanders to that reminiscing state.
“Her Looking Glass” – what a wonderful blanket and subject to your endless grief. Piercing from present to past. Your use of words and imageries are inescapable like “lack luster soul” and “dark eyes dull and doleful”.
I appreciate how you structured your poem. For it comprehensively guiding the readers. From first stanza introduction where in details you have described your abandonment, on how it affects you physically. I like the use of the word “gleamed mirrored”. You continued it on the second stanza, now focusing more on the aftermath struggle and suffering of loneliness. The phrase “years of unshed tears thrashed her spirit” is unbearable to read. With the more exaggerated and metaphoric third stanza especially on “stealing it’s zest” and “when the wind blows and the sun shines she recalls sharp edges of the night”. Summing it with adjectives “forsaken” and “pitiless” is just too much.
I like the wonderful and faithful support you showed in the line “She was there when his light dimmed” – this is dearly moving. “death came into the room” is a bit mysterious and scary, yet for me its reality. “without a cry or gasp he met his doom” (I like the rhyming of it to “room”) – for me it was amazing. I imagined how strong he was or maybe he just needed to be strong for your sake. “with a shuddered sigh” – I visualize it everything, especially with all these details, I visualize how you witness this. I can sense how truly painful.
To end this profound and moving piece with “her looking glass frozen forever” is perfect! Nothing I can advise or add for more. You have captured this reader’s heart with compassion and tenderness. Truly unforgettable!
Don’t stop sharing your sentiments Marilyn, you’ll need it for your therapy and for remembering your loved one. I am just here to appreciate the beauty of your endless love to him, and learn from the woman you are, that is very strong and inspirational in so many ways. Thanks for the read. Thanks for the reflections. It’s worth the time spent.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Ronda Michelle Nelson On Date: 2004-01-17 08:46:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
I could see this person, her distraught and anguish..right from the beginning it starts giving
these very vivid scenes, which is what the reader wants to keep moving. She could be so many people,
now left alone, a part of them gone forever with the now deceased person they built thier lives
around. It all flows wonderfully, the words you have chosen describe and read very well. Well done, Poet!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rick Barnes On Date: 2004-01-12 12:50:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
What an eloquent and heart-draining metaphor - Her lover's eyes as her looking glass.
How empty is the space where eyes once looked back at us and confirmed our existence in
such a loving way. there is such humanity in your verse. This is not just tragic sorrowful
baying, this is reflective human pain put into universal context. Thank you for sharing
this slice of what it means to live and love.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-01-12 07:24:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, you really affected me emotionally when I read this poem, for quite truthfully in wonderful poetic form, you sucessfully describe the despair that becomes part of the counternance when someone loses a soulmate, at first adjustment and acceptance of the inevtible form, and give a purpose to the survival, but your right eventually that looking glass displays something that only one who has lost that most soulmate connection, broken, eventually the breakage of the relationship through death, for those so emotionally tied to a life partner lost, part of the spirit that comprised an individal is effected, it shouws in the metaphoric mirror, which always tells the eventual truth. Painful to read, and identify with, but also the reality of the scenario are wonderfully described, bring out the emotional aspects of the long term loss, it drains, and it pains, and the lonliness is only a shared experience for those that would deeply identify with your lyrics, so for me it screams the truth, brings forth that visial countenance that is apparent to the spouse that has to live their life alone, in a way one feels abandoned, of the reality of the death is there, the pain however, the lonliness is really only know by those that shared actual knowledge. So for me the poem is the truth, with the living, breathing, seeing aspect of our persona reflected through the looking glass. Again very concise, written by someone who really knows, as such a finished, complete thought that has emotion and feeling. Very lonesome indeed, we may go on, but it's always on a different plane, level of understanding, the poems cover it all brilliantly. Always best regards, Love Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-11 23:33:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I am speechless after reading this poem.
I know this is about you, I know the story as you told me
when I critiqued your last poem. This made me tears.
I just cried yesterday remembering my girlfriend who is still in the convent today.
She did not realize her promise that she would come back in December.
Somehow, I am in your shoes. My nerve is weakening now when I type.
No! I need to revive! I still have to critique more.
Alright, this is enough! I will remember this poem forever. I want my girlfriend to be back! Huh,huh!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-01-09 10:30:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Marilyn--Lots of good stuff going on with this piece. This entire poem is saturated with excellent
figurative language, including the title. Your use of metaphoric descriptors produces wonderful and
vivid imagery for this five stanza quatrain free verse (try saying that four times real fast--smile).
Although there are many in this vein, my favorite lines are the ones containing the alliterations:
"...spied her lack luster soul..."; "...dark eyes dull and doleful" (listen to those "d" sounds);
"...wrapped by walls formed inside her heart."; "...unshed tears thrashed (nice enjambment) her
spirit, stealing it's zest..."; and "...sun shines she recalls sharp edges of night" (great "S"
GOOSEBUMPS are raised by the superb combination metaphors and slant rhyme of stanza #4:
"She was there when his light dimmed
and death came into the ROOM, without
a cry or gasp he met his DOOM
with but a shuddered sigh"
This piece is a multi-layered "observation" (deep and intricate)with subtle social revelant meanings.
This is aptly emphasized in the last stanza by the repeat verbiage from the title: "...her looking
glass" frozen forever. POET, I salute you for arranging these words in a different manner to paint a pertinent picture for the senses. TLW
P.S. almost not worth mentioning--a small spelling hiccup (frozen/forzen).
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-08 20:45:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This reminds me of when I used to go with an ex girlfriend to her father's old house. On the one hand, he was dead. On the other, we were in love. On the one hand his ashes sat on the lintel when we made love in her father's old bed, and in his red room, with signed pictures of porn stars everywhere.
This may seem an odd thing to put into a critique of a poem, but it's clearly a very large weight sitting somewhere on the writer's mind, and I felt this in this place we used to go. She could never escape from the spectre of the man. When her friends would come, we would talk about him endlessly. I felt often like he was there- he would walk into the room any second, and I could shake his hand, and he could kick my ass for dating his lovely daughter.
I hope the writer can find her own place again for her true self, the one often subjected in a relationship so the dance can continue to take place. Her manor, as was his, is still a splendid place, and not only in memory and memoriam- with words or without. With pleasure and splendor, much fun can be had, yet also much can be swept under the rug in fear or doubt. What fear and doubt do you cling to now? What longing long forgotten can melt the glass back into the swirling sands at the beach during summertime? What kind of mirror would allow you to stand and stare ere iit has gone?
I am very saddened by poem, and wish the utmost happiness to it's writer. Thanks to you for sharing it with us. You are heard and seen in other mirrors.
Poetry Contests Online at The Poetic Link
Click HERE to
return to ThePoeticLink.com Database Page!