This Poem was Submitted By: Donna L. Dean On Date: 2004-01-11 16:51:51 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Inktip

What comes forth from the tip of the pen? Answers to tests? Blanks filled in? Dashes of fame? Diaried life? Expressions of desire? Flowered indignation? Hopes of retribution? Record, log, or list? The veil lifts to which the tip reveals.

Copyright © January 2004 Donna L. Dean


This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-21 01:01:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.73333
I am not sure about this one. I can see that the writer has many questions. Those answers are quite well served at once by the rather inventive and refreshing last line. Still, my feeling is that I wished for more from the poem. I am not sure why exactly, as the poem it clearly meant to be as simple as possible, yet the veil you have spoken of only lifts a bit with the nice last line, and otherwise is not alluded to anywhere in the text, other than to speak of the act of writing itself. Still I wish for more. I almost feel like this is a poem which needs to show just a little more leg to enhance what is hidden behind the stockings, to use a rather coarse analogy. Thanks, REEG!


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-01-17 16:39:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42857
Dear Donna, This is a simple little poem that expresses quite a bit. What does our pens bring forth? You hit the nail on the head with your list, pretty much covered the territory. I seem to never know what will flow from my pen when I sit down to start writing. Sometimes a list can turn into a poem, sometimes my feelings pour out of my pen, sometimes just a short little moment in time becomes a short story or an article. Very interesting take on what comes out of the pen. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-13 21:15:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.45455
Hi Donna, I have read this piece several times as I find it very intriguing, you have given wonderful examples for the many uses of the tiny tip of something as simple as a pen. I am especially fond of..."dashes of fame and diaried life" very inventive and clever...."expressions of desire" this is probably the most used in the life of a pen..the written word can be so powerful and what better way to express ourselves wheather it be desire, hate, love, loss, etc..some can write better than they can express themselves with spoken words. What about the 'dear John letters?'& the last lines are perfect and pretty profound..."the viel lifts to which the tip reveals." Good submission..keep writing. Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-13 12:19:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Intriguing this one is poet.....you pose the question what comes forth from the tip of the pen and then provide some pretty neat responses and with each response comes forth the images associated with it.....I like the one of the little girl sitting on her bed writing in her diary each night or the little boy outside under his favorite tree just dooling away waiting for the fish to bite.....over and over again the pen is used for many such reasons and more......to keep those records of old to share with others down the road.......to make a list for grocery shopping or school records let alone medical records.....so many uses for the tip of the pen and when the veil lifts only then it is revealed.....good structure, did not sway from the thoughts within. Thanks for posting and sharing, be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-11 22:57:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Donna, How interesting are the questions you threw us here! I know everyone can relate to the idea. What comes forth from the tip of the pen? For me, the influx of my thoughts brought about by me emotions and experiences. I believe that one's writing is the reflection of his/her life. The title is catchy! I like it! It has the touch of being a writer. I like the thought "dashes of fame", it is original and has a relevance to your theme, the word dash, i can think of like periods/commas of life! Nice, nice, nice. And I like the ending. The veil lifts to which the tip reveals. Inrtiguing. It is like a quote, made me realize things in the field of writing. Thanks for sharing, Donna. I am also glad that you are back, you missed to participate last month. The last poem I critiqued from you was Dewdrop. I couldn't forget it because I got I thought from it when I wrote Poetry (in the Tradition of Science) which I have my first line "Dewdrops condense to form transparent liquid,". Jordan.
This Poem was Critiqued By: April Rose Ochinang Claessens On Date: 2004-01-11 22:16:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
donna, this is a well-written simple poem yet has depth when read with the heart. it actually sank into my bosom. its like after reading it i read a long piece because of its deeper meaning.thanks for sharing it. april
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