This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-14 15:45:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Shadow's last sigh

Upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land Across the meadows and o'er the plain ocean sands and fields of tawny grain Mountain shadows give life to a blanket of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradle seas of shadows in shivering trees When starry ice ignites the sky and in moon's light, declining shadows fade and die Slithering night folds it's shade, wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh

Copyright © January 2004 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-06 14:50:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.43182
Dear Marilyn, I just finished critiquing your looking glass poem and when I read this one, it seemed to just pull me into the stor a little bit more. Your lady is now looking out her casement window, with sighs, looking at the barren and bleak, even though the sun might be shining and flowers blooming. To me it is a continuing story about the loss of a loved one, and the pain that comes with that. I think it is a perfect fit for your Looking Glass poem. Good reading, enjoyed both very much. Sherri


This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-02-03 13:14:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Hi again Marilyn. This poem is like a breath of much needed fresh air for this reader. The title gives an air of sweet wistfulness that is charming. Right away rhyme rings in our ears with upon/dawn/gone/yawning, so melodious as it springs from the page. Theres a feeling as though I am soaring right along with you over the meadows and plain, ocean sands and field of tawny grain.(more rhyme with plain/grain) And music isn't all that jumps off the page, also vivid imagry leaps out and grabs the reader's mind. I can see the smokey gray blanket and the deep purple mist. Great use of color while waxing about shadow! Intriguing! Nice rhyming with gray/lea and seas/trees adds to the rhythm and music. This is my favorite stanza: "When starry ice ignites the sky and in moon's light, declining shadows fade and die" Imagry never looked so beautiful as here. I wish I had written that. Rhymes of sky/die and assonance wafts trough with light/ignite/sky/die. The use of slithering here really adds to the imagry and the metaphor of the shade is awesome. wily/winds/wave is a fresh allit that adds life to this. With fade/shade and die/sigh you have extended your rhyme from one stanza to the next! I love the way you employ the title again here at the end. This one has much to offer and I have a feeling I'll be reading it over and over. Thanks for the distraction from everyday life. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-23 19:43:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.39474
My dear poet this is beauty in motion........I may live thousand's of miles away from the splendor of your Rocky Mountains but to me they are just beyond my garden view....across the way where the wild animals roam in four seasons .......the mist you speak of covers Tully Mountain, most every mornig you may peak out across the meadow and watch the birds as they come to land for their morning feast.......the deer roam without fear now that hunting season is over and you can find their nesting place when you walk among the nearby woods........upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone.......for most enjoy the daylight of the morning hours.....I am one who prefers the darkness of the night, the shadows that lie within what we are not able of seeing or being a part of though if we try we are able to reach beyond the darkness and come into the light of the world which sleeps......nice thought poet......my bedroom has two windows that adjoin each other closely....each morning I hear the traffic as it scurries through the woods to work.....when I first wake it is pitch dark inside and out........I might get up to grab a drink of water, sit perhaps on my most private throne.....then head back for a few winks.....when I wake again the shadows are playing on the walls surrounding my bed and it is fun to lie there and watch them.....when the sun comes up full the rays hit the windows and magical colors appear......then I know its time to start my day......for the darkenss has blended within the outside woods , the animals are up barking or meowing let alone the chickens and roosters crowing......but the feeling and the knowing that all is right with my world has settled in for one more day and for that I thank God..... My favorite lines......When starry ice ignites the sky and in moon's light, declining shadows fade and die can you not see the majestic beauty in the creation of the above....indeed a piece well worth the prize line... As always poet your structure is superb for the reader finds joy within each line that follows the other....the creation of images with the flare of your pen goes beyond saying and for whatever reason under God's creation I so desire to see those Rocky Mountains some day........and perhaps when I do venture out beyond the woods of Tully and find my way to your garden we may sit and enjoy a cup of tea together and talk of days perhaps when we might have known one another........for our spirits are joined by some spiritual force that only God knows about...... Thanks for posting, for sharing with me a part of your wonderful world, I pray you remain safe my friend, and that God continues to bless you with His loving grace.....claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-21 17:12:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
I like this poem for it's visual feast. I like the animus which is given to some of the stanzas- 'seas of shadows in shivering trees'. In addition to that line- which is really well metered and rolls off the tongue nicely with it's own internal rhyming- several other lines share the same characteristic. The first line caught my eye in this way, and rarely do you see someone who can pull off several of these really sweet lines in the same poem. I didn't think it would happen again in this, but it did for the whole poem! Super job! Also, there is this same sweet characteristic across a few of the lines- "When starry ice ignites the sky and in moon's light, declining shadows fade and die" and the first 2 stanzas go well together also like this. Super good stuff. Thanks for that. REEG
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-01-17 19:04:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: Thi is # 49 on my list but I never get to critique your work and I espeially wanted to comment on this imaginative naturesque poem. My reviews are shorter than before and I rarely bother with poetic devices...just the meaning. The couplets are appealing and the title is great. The reader has no clue where this will go but wants to know. "Upon the wake of dawn and dark is gone impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land. Across the meadows and o'er the plain ocean sands and fields of tawny grain." Lovely imagery, a direct appeal to the senses, and the personification of shadows and land is grand. I love "yawning" as the dawn awakens life. I must include dawn/gone/yawn/tawny and plain/grain. Again, you use one of my favorite colors for the grain: tawny. The words paints a vivid picture in my mind. "Mountain shadows give life to a blanket of smoky gray and enclose the velvet lea Deep purple mist of winter's noon cradle(s) seas of shadows in shivering trees." Ah, so beauteous, Marilyn. The shadows become a blanket of smoky gray, enclosing the velvet lea. I do not believe Wordsworth could top your third and fourth couplets! How you composed the part about shivering trees holding shadows of deep purple mist had to be a gift from above. I know you are extremely talented but some lines are so exquisite, I think of divine intervention. "When starry ice ignites the sky and in moon's light, declining shadows fade and die Slithering night folds it(')s shade, wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh." The oxymoron of ice ignite is great and you take the reader to the time of day when shadows begin to wane and the night folds its shade. Slithering is an interesting choice of adjective but I like it. Then in typical Marilyn-speak, you end your poem with an alliterative whirlwind. "Wily winds wave" is so clever but more importantly, they are saying goodbye to the last sigh of a shadow. This is a magical delight, my friend. I believe this poem has the best descriptors and brightest imagery of all of your poetry. I enjoyed it very much and the images will remain in my brain. You keep getting better and better and constantly surpass yourself. Brava! for this gem, a winner in every way. Best always, Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-01-16 23:24:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Marilyn--This so reminded me that there are two different twilights (just before morning-at daylight and right at evening-just before dark). Your six stanza couplet with near rhymes (shadows/meadows, land/sands, lea/seas, noon/moon's, ignites/light); true rhymes (plain/grain, sky/die/sigh); and alliterations ("...seas of shadows in shivering trees."; "...ice ignites..."; "...wily winds wave adieu...") are neat combinations which produces melodious tones throughout the poem. A bunch of colorful descriptors (of smokey gray/enclose the velvet lea/deep purple mist) and metaphoric descriptors (wake of dawn/impetuous shadows cloak the yawning land/give life to a blanket/slithering night folds it's shade, wily winds wave adieu) combine to create vivid imagery of a 12 hour period from "...wake of dawn and dark is gone..." to "...wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh." The repeat of the title in the last line serves to reemphasized the theme and shows a finality. Sorry if I missed your intentions for the piece, but I liked it and do appreciate your sharing your effort. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erica L. Badger On Date: 2004-01-15 22:37:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
I really like this. It's very descriptive. It's well written, even though it's rather flowery for my young comprehension. At first I thought you were just talking about morning and then towards the end thought it was about night. But I had my mother read it and tell me what she thought and then it kink of started making sense. It's about the whole span of day, at least that's what I think! I really love the last two lines, I think they have such great flow! Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed reading this! ~Erica
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-01-15 15:40:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
This poem is so lyrical. Of course your speaking of my fravorite time of the day, and your selection of grammer is so quieting, and presents that comfortable glowing sense, the one time of the day each of us can go deeply into ourselves, no noise, nor pressure, just the quiet, prented so well, the cadence, and rhyme is excellent, not forced, the tercets are simply prented, and it allows that comfort zone to engulf my senses at least, it's beautiful, and throughly enjoyed, and to me the prefection with all your well strung descriptives, very, very strong, but soft presentation. Never cease to amaze me, from where came as a newbie, to a wonderful poetress. Congratulations, if the contest means anything, the best of luck, but in any case the poem to me is mafnificent. Love from the frigid Northeast, the poem picked up my spirit, it's the peacefulness, always sought, but sometimes eludes us. You did a great job, love it. Love and God Bless, Jo ( I can't get over the descriptives capturing the full essence, just had to throw that in, for a poem strikes my senses, I feel the full essence of it, and this poem really does that.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-01-14 22:48:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Marilyn, This poem is embellished with lavish descriptors that I could feel your mind soaring so high! I should give a special mention to the phrase: "yawning land" ---- fantastic! "tawny grain" ---- 'tawny' seems to bibe with the 'w' and 'y' in 'yawning' "Slithering night" --- adds the image more abstract "wily winds" --- like the allits, it is waving! The verbs you used are also superb and they are apt: shadows 'cloak' the yawning land --- what a personification you have here! winter's noon 'cradle' seas of shadows --- 'cradle' is energizing, it seems to energize the yawning and finally, you have the superb ending: "wily winds wave adieu to shadow's last sigh" ---whew! I don't want to bid adieu to this writing! just a little comment here: Slithering night folds it's shade --- (is should be "its", no apostrophe) THanks for enjoyablre read, Marilyn!
This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-01-14 18:10:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.33333
From morning to dark this is a lovely poem full of colour and action and descriptive passages. It, the poem is well laid out and flows freely. It brought me right into the scene from beginning to end...and then I sighed because it was over. Lovely stuff. Thanks for posting.
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