This Poem was Submitted By: Sergio M chavez On Date: 2004-01-14 18:26:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!
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Copyright © January 2004 Sergio M chavez
A TV in my asylum
An attractive way to clean
The mess of a child
I am but a worm in the apple
Torn between mind and body
Amplified discomfort because I want to
Be like everyone else
Concealing the schism
A presence is born
An unkindly burden
Holding me here
Self-punishment for my sins
What a genuine hallucination
I tried to face the nightmare
But there are too many painful memories
All my life Iíve been afraid
And I will always be a coward
A TV in my asylum
An attractive way to leave.
I'm still a bit confused about this poem myself.
Thanks for reading.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-24 13:35:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.87500
Given that you state that you are a bit confused by this poem yourself, I'll interpret it from my perspective. For me, it wasn't too obscure, just adequately obscure to allow me to be swept away by my own ideas.
TV..the pervasive, hypnotic tool that is used for many reasons...as an escape, for avoidance of reality and definitely as a babysitting aid. I read your first stanza as a declaration of the recognition of the all-encompassing facilities provided by the idiot box.
From what I read in the next stanza, my first interpretation is validated as reality and your wanted change towards being one of those perfect characters...beautiful, intellectual, wealthy and generally happy as purveyed by the unrealistic tv images.
Next...you are almost traumatized, spellbound a complete hostage to the mesmerizing affects of the artificial world of perfection personified in TV's offerings.
The next few stanzas make me pose the question....Why don't we get off our asses and attack our own realities? We can only improve the quality of our lives by recognizing the truth from false hopes and be the masters of our own destinies. I hate the past and failures that you mention. They are obstacles that are difficult to avoid. If we let them rule us, we can end up being subjected to the fears you next mention.
We come full circle at the end of the writing. You admit what you are and maybe it isn't such a bad way to hide from the reality.
I loved this piece cause it is forcing me to head out to the gym this afternoon...I gotta get away from my own traps.
I would not change a word as I find the message to be clear and meaningful.
Ty for sharing this.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-01-21 00:33:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.73333
Well, I for one hope that this is not the case. I hope that you will not always feel this way and that this was just something temporary that came up for you. I know the TV and I find that it can eat up my hours like I eat up Kettle Honey Mustard chips. They are like a drug for your mouth wheras TV is like a drug for your mind.
I hope that this was an indictment of these impulses we are constantly surrounded by on a daily basis. To punish yourself if not something that your true self really wants. I can feel the pain of this and have felt these things in my own life. The style of this poem is fairly straightforward, as is most confessional poetry, even my own. I think that this is a good thing and that epiphanies of sorrow about these topics are quite common these days. I hope the best for the writer, and thanks for having the moxie to post it anyway to the public even though it's something you aren't sure about.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-15 14:01:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.70000
A TV in my asylum
An attractive way to clean
The mess of a child
Poet are we speaking of a child's room and the chaos the child might create at times when playing with toys found within this room? A TV in my asylum...tells me you might have had to spend allot of time in this room and perhaps alone as well.....sad, very sad to say the least.....whether it is personal or you speak of some other child within the lines.....
In the second stanza you speak of being a worm in the apple.....like Adam and Eve there seems to be some form of sin committed here and only you or your mom knows what you are speaking of....... tend to think perhaps mom was the victim of rape perhaps and you were the product which in your mind is bad, but you know I tend to think as long as you were and are healthy as a child and growing into adult hood that it is a good thing......you should have been loved as any baby born to someone....your mom or someone's mom made a choice, for better or worse and should not have treated the child born from that choice without any love or indifference......you speak of burden.......my Lord you certainly did not have a happy childhood and perhaps it is your mother or someone's mother that should be seeking help and guidance let alone forgiveness for these emotions you now carry within your heart and soul.....
Self punishment for my sins....what sins could you have committed? I eagerly await for further information in your response to this critique which I am sure is no where near where you are going with this but the way it is structured and your words flowing as they are and the images I am receiving tell me different......
This has been a very sad read my friend.....if it is a true happening then I wish I could hold you and comfort you as a mother and a friend......thanks for posting and for sharing this most difficult topic with us....be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-01-15 13:11:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
The piece here speaks about the author's mind...about what he/she thinks, about what is in his/her brain. Very much vivid with his/her visions. What's playing and what is hidden inside his/her conscienceness...if any. Yes, oftentimes we resort to things like the famous TV as our haven of our problems. A temporary entertainment in this dullness of life...life that usually offers problems and fears. As they said, it is you that makes your own happiness. And that box is a lot to offer: information, news, lessons, entertainment, insights.
There are a lot of self-realization and conflicting behaviour surrounding here. From "self-punishment of sins", "I will always be a coward", "concealing the schism", "be love" and to "be like everyone else". Even "take revenge" is a strong and powerful phrase. I admire your honesty and truthfulness here.
Thank you very much for a very pondering message. At least there is some playful phrase like "I am but a worm in an apple" that I find clever and enjoyed much. The statement makes me humble.
Thanks for this in TPL, I sure enjoy reading and reflecting it with my life.
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-15 12:33:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46667
Glad to see your name on my list. This is a perplexing piece but
within the lines there is a tone of underlying depression and a
dislike for self. Speaking as if this person is you.....I think many
parents put a t.v. in a child's room in order to keep their toys in the
toy box...I never did as there we didn't have a t.v. until my third
child was born and then only one set. So the t.v. in exchange for a
mess might not be enough to cripple a child's psyche. But then you
outline how much you want to be like everyone else...to have love, be
smart, rich, take revenge (this bothers me ), look good, be happy, to
impress, and simply to exist. some of these things we earn as we go
through life and some we have to work hard for but are all in within our
reach...yours too. "Concealing the schism"...seperation from what?
"A presence s born...an unkindly burden...holding me here"..then you speak
of self-punishment and I wonder why you think you need to be punished and
is it fear that is holding you in this uncomfortable place? Then you speak
of being a coward and feeling fear a nithmare and painful memories. I
can feel the pathos and anguish in this piece. To me it is well written
but I just wish I knew more about the root of your despair. If I have
really mis-interpeted this piece forgive me but I think I am feeling
it the way you wrote it and that is what good poetry is suppose to do.
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