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This Poem was Submitted By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-01-26 17:22:55 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Falling in Love with Food (revised)

Wide men say, that we were once thin but I can't help falling in love with food Shall I bake Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with food Like the syrup flows, over ice cream darling so it goes I need new dungarees Take my ham, take my whole wheat too for I can't help falling in love with food Like the syrup flows, over ice cream darling so it goes I need new dungarees Take my ham, take my whole wheat too for I can't help falling in love with food For I can't help falling in love with food

Additional Notes:
Thanks for your comments on the original...I had to change "take my hand" to "take my ham". Now it is better. For anyone that didn't read the original...this is to be sung to Elvis's "Falling in Love with You".

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-01 01:02:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61538
Hi Mick, “Falling in Love with Food” --- Well, who is not? I think everybody is. Good thing my metabolism is fast and my height is tall that my eating habits didn’t show in my physical body and appearance. For me, food is God’s blessings. You see, for a cheap amount of money…man can pamper the desire of its tongue and taste. When I used to travel because of work, I pamper myself to the different delicacies of other countries. For me, this is the cheapest way to pamper and enjoy life in the fullest. Ah, to taste and have those delicious foods… You poem is very appealing, it captures immediately the notation of your title “falling in love in foods”. Quite different and unique topic yet very much common and with our daily encounters. “Would it be a sin if I can't help falling in love with food” --- I think, everything in moderation is not a sin. Falling in love with food is not a sin, OVER-falling in love with food is gluttony and selfish already, as if there is no more tomorrow. I think there is a difference there. I hope we can able to balance everything accordingly. :) “Like the syrup flows, over ice cream darling so it goes I need new dungarees” --- This is deliciously tempting! Excellent picturesque! Thanks for this delightful entry! Hmmm…now, it makes me hungry…would like me to check my refrigerator. It only shows how effective the words you used here. Thanks for posting it! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-01-31 22:04:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.91304
Mick: What more can I say, but that I'm glad you revised, because this is even more delightful than the first version. Want you to know this is on my voting list, which begins in 1 hour and 57 minutes, my time zone. One of the things I've recovered with this poem is my sense of humor. Now there aren't many things that can make me laugh and sing at the same time, but this poem does both. Thank you for the great read!! My best, Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-01-28 06:00:27
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.88235
Hi Mick, It reads like a song, right from the first glimpse it had that cadence that comes with lyrics written to a specific tune. Aside from the writing Mick I have to tell you that I roared when I read this, truthful, to the 9th degree, humerous, and catch, you better believe. Mostly though I'm really affected with your dialogue, my Lord, how funny can a humor poem be? It's been a while since anyone created anything that brings instant laughter, we use to have a couple of poets that wrote with humor, and wrote easily enchantanting the audience. This poem easily fits that mode, and it's so nice to see something posted that tickles the funny bone. So it's definately a winner in my book. Write more, you could develope a real following with poems like this. Living in the dread and gloom, bad news, killing, bad decisions it's a lot of fun to finally read humor, and you string your dialogue in such a way, that you automatically created the rhythm of this poem, good job, so entertaining....Best of Luck Irish I really enjoyed this neat little ditty....Jo Morgan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-01-27 08:35:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.94444
Mick, You've managed to make this even more hilarious. I'd say you have mastered parody. Can't wait to see what's next. Maybe a little song called "Derriere" (Teddy Bear) Muahahahahahahahahha It's nice not to have to be serious all the time. Thanks, Jen

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-01-26 21:00:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55769
What can I say...enjoyed the firt. loved Elvis and all music he put forth and I saw him the year before he died, in concert, here in Providence Rhode Island.....many moons ago and perhaps many dishes of chocolate ice cream and friend clams.....my most favorite dishes before my heart attacks......well, your words certainly brought memories on both counts....food and Elvis......changing hand to ham works well for you.....thanks for re posting and sharing with us again. Be safe and God Bless, Claire As with the other, nice structure, superb word flow and images....I do love food as I shared with you in the original version....hehehe.....once eighed 185 pounds....wow that was big for my little frame.....

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-01-26 20:32:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46154
Hi Mick, I did not read your first piece but even without the post script I knew exactly what song you are referencing and I began to smile with "Wide men say" This is so clever and deffinetly funny so as far as I am concerned you have accomplished what you set out to do. I suppose it may not be too funny to those with weight problems but what sort of humans are we if we cannot laugh at ourselves?..."I need new dungarees..take my ham take my whole wheat too"...I about fell off my chair at this line..convulsing with laughter. There is so much talk on t.v. and articles in the papers about obesity and what an epidemic it is in this country. My husband had diabetes and heart disease which I know was brought on partly because he was over weight for years and when he finally decided to lose weight and exercise it was too late. He was a football player when he was young but in his 50's he became sedintary which was his un-doing. Well enough of that...just wanted you to know that I have witnessed this problem and fully understand it. Everyone should have at least one hearty laugh each day...thanks for giving me mine! Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie L Fischer On Date: 2004-01-26 20:00:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Hi Mick, Your original was funny..adding the take my ham only adds to the laughter. Hope to see more from you. Deb:)

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