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This Poem was Submitted By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-11 17:29:48 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Truth

[for Mel Gibson] How much destroyed, how many lives denied, To trust Potemkin Villages called “God” And pretty scrolls depicting homicide, In ancient caverns, dim with time’s thick fog? We paint the way with arrows dipped in blood, Keep circling in waters rich with shark, Still boat-less, we are stranded in the flood, Retelling pretty stories of an ark. Yet, in appealing myths we learn to feel, Find in elaborate lies a sort of warmth, A longing for knowledge most surreal, Transcendent, and yet rooted in the earth. A legend void of vengeance, void of spite Will advocate itself in kinder light

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-28 20:30:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37500
Rachel, I have always found the sonnet a difficult form but you make it seem so easy. I am sure you actually sweated over it but it doesn't show-there are no places where the language has been wretched out of joint for the sake of the form no rhymes where the word is not quite right but used anyway because it rhymes. In other words you did this one just right. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-28 04:00:18
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Hi Rachel, I believe this is a reaction from Mel Gibson’s movie “The Passion of the Christ”. Aside from the rich subjects and issues circling around your poem here, I am also amazed by the strict discipline you follow in this A-B-A-B CC sonnet. You did it with ease and I find each careful word fitting and not “out-of-place”, even for the “shark” and “ark” part. “Still boat-less, we are stranded in the flood” - I like this line. Yes, there are attempts of retelling the greatest story of Jesus, on how He died, on His mysterious life yet we didn’t know what’s the real “truth”? Only our discernment and prayers and frequent study of the Bible and guidance from above can help us know the “truth”. Haven’t watched the movie yet, (not yet open here in Philippines) but yes, it is quite interesting to view plus I liked the actor who played the role of Jesus. I liked Jim Caviezel’s performance in the movie “The Count of Monte Cristo”. This guy is a good person and humble by nature, he even choose his roles and find kissing with other actresses and going sexy scene a bit uncomfortable because he is already a married man. One of his colleague Sean Penn said to him before (his co-actor in the movie “In Red Thin Line”, “You are so good, you won’t make it long here in Hollywood”…now whose more famous? Though he had some “acceptable” sexy scene with Jennifer Lopez in the movie “Angel’s Eyes”, I was able to check his profile and so far he is a man who practice his Christianity even in the world of “Hollywood” - quite an act hard to follow. Now, I can sensed that you already noticed that I am a fan of Jim and that would be the reason of checking this controversial movie “The Passion of the Christ”. Well, kinda “yes” (ha..ha..ha..). If you ask me, I’m a Mel Gibson fan, well, yes too, I like his work in “Braveheart”. But seriously speaking, in regards with the theme of the movie, I would like how people like Mel perceived and feel Christ. The movie could be an entertainment but I want to be blessed by it. Whatever the outcome, I believe in my faith and the Bible and would not be influenced by Hollywood. Reading the Forum right now, I can see a lot of reaction from Mel's work. Thank you Rachel for your honest observation and putting it in poetry. I have high respect and admiration on your work. You are one of the few who can say what you “really” want to say, without pretending or gimmicks - in poetry writing or in critiquing. Keep it up! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: arnie s WACHMAN On Date: 2004-02-23 20:39:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.00000
You should send this to him.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-22 17:48:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.80000
Beautifully done, Rachel! This sonnet-like piece of art goes to the top shelf. I can find absolutely nothing to complain about, and for me, that is VERY unusual. It earns a 10.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-02-19 19:52:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Hi Rachel, I don't think I've ever read a sonnet of yours before. This has your voice for sure. The English sonnet form is mostly met. The poem flows well until the 10th line, where the change of meter caused me to stumble in the reading. I think the problem lies in the word "elaborate" which can sound as two syllables or three, depending on how the word is pronounced. A little editing should fix this. I worked on this today at work and might suggest, "in convoluted lies, find hidden berth/birth" which might rhyme with "earth" a bit better than "warmth". the only other thing I could think of was, "to find in fancy lies a sort of warmth". I don't mean to be rude or want you to think I'm trying to re-write your poem. I'm not, but it's so interesting I just wanted to help with the meter to help the flow. Would you be willing to give me the "background" for this poem, as I'm unacquainted with the work Mel Gibson did to inspire this poem. Lastly, I absolutely love line six! What a marvelous emotion provoking image that is! Take care and I appologise if I've taken liberties with your work. Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: Carolyn Minsker On Date: 2004-02-14 09:05:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Or in the plain language of a street kid in english lit: "to give their lives meaning, they come up with that crap". Somehow I thrive on sonnetry, regardless the theme. Always enjoy your spin.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-13 11:00:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.28571
It seems that Mel Gibson has spawned some interestingly contrasting poems here on TPL. The last one I read was also dedicated to Mel Gibson. This one is a complete about face from Mick's, however. This for me is a deeply spiritual piece of work. There is loss here, and a contrast of old and new found and lost, timeless and things only remembered. That theme is a common thread that reads like pairs of opposites, which is many ways is the path of spirituality- the path of Jesus was the same as it would be for any of us. Super job. It's a lot of poem for the number of lines. Thanks, REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-12 14:39:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52941
Rachel you did a spendid job with this one structured well, words flow allowing emotions, feelings, images to be created as one travels on down........I am looking forward to hopefully seeing this movie since I have not been to a movie in over twenty years I do enjoy Mel Gibson and his work.....and I am sure his honesty will shine through as it always does and his love for God..... I pray this is not one of those movies where those involved become threatened but from all I read the threats have already begun. Be safe and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Michael J. Cluff On Date: 2004-02-12 14:33:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Bravo first of all for submitting this piece. Gibson is becoming a liberal's ,and really of humanity's, nightmare and should not continue his poelmics unquestioned. The sonnet form of the piece works nicely in underlying the theme of the piece that huamne insight can do wonders under the eye and oppression of the powerful be it the media or government. I would like to see another term in lieu of "a sort" which weakens the line for me somewhat. The rhyme of "real" and "surreal" in lines nine and eleven works beautifully as does the rhyme in lines one and three as well as "shark" and "ark". I am teased by the hyphen in +Boat-less" in a pleasant and thought- provoking way. I would aslo like this to appear in any subsequent versions of "The Disputation" since it fits into that document nicely and firmly places your part of that sonnet series into the 21 st century squarely and engagingly. The use of the rhetoric question over the first four lines of the piece was a great touch in that it takes an assertive position on the "gentleman" in question without being aggressive and belligrent as could happen in less capable poetic hands. The alliteartion of "v" in line thirteen was a great idea as well. The last two words of the piece were fantastic and the prefect coda(as it were) to highlight the point of this important piece of writing.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-11 20:09:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81818
I am certain that our discourse will engender nothing more than drummer boys beating worn out drums in rhythms old, march steps well understood. Your efforts and sincerity are much appreciated, and clear in this fine work. Shalom. t.

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