This Poem was Submitted By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-02-14 02:12:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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japanese verse 40 (Petals)
Like a lovely bride
Blossom wears its splendid gown
With all purity
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Copyright © February 2004 Erzahl Leo M. Espino
Additional Notes:
- Flowers are gifts of chastity.
- Happy Valentines to all!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-03-07 14:34:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Ezrahl,
I haven't had any time to critique this month, but I wanted to make sure you know
that I read this and all I can say is That's beautiful! And so true. And I thank you.
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-07 11:49:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69565
Great valentine treat for someone special in your life, Erzahl....i know we are not supposed to use personification i this kind of poetry even if it is senyru ,,,
but i think this one is crying for a pronoun:
Blossom wears her spendid gown
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-27 20:33:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
Erzahl, this is a nice thought for valentines day. It is not one of your best poems however, I think lovely and blossom are not the strongest images you could use and a similie seems out of place in japanese verse. I know this was probably just written to express you thoughts on valintines day which it does so it works in its own way. sandra
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-26 20:19:17
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.32143
Excellent. No suggestion could improve on it, so I'll make none. I love these Japanese forms of poetry - haiku, senryu, tanka, etc. Will read as many of yours as time allows.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-02-16 21:48:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Lovely Valentine Greeting Erzahl. As many times before your haihu is presented in the proper style, each line wonderfully supports the whole poem, the middle line is the theme of chasity, and presents very nicely.
An enjoyable poem once again, and there isn't anything I could even begin to suggest. You are the master of Haiku here on TPL, and as such your poems are meant for complete enjoyable and understanding. Very appropriate to commerate the day of lovers, wonderful staged and easy to ingest. Best, and don't ever quit writing....Highest regards, you don't need me to critique that which I feel is perfect....Regards, Jo Morgan
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-16 15:23:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.53846
Hi Erzahl,
This is a lovely valentine gift to everyone! Thanks! Also this is such a beautiful
thought and makes a perfect haiku.
Like a lovely bride...brides are lovely aren't they? They have that look of love and
serenity about them that is easy to recognize...young or old
doesn't matter the look is the same
Blossom wears it's splendid gown....love this...but wonder what you think about
blossom wears her splendid gown? Just a thought but I
feel stupid making it as you are the expert!
with all purity........I think this is the only line you could have written for this
haiku as it is perfect to go with the theme.
Another winner....is going on my list!
Peace...Marilyn
ps.I know when you say 'it's gown' you are referring to the flower but in my feeble mind
it takes on a gender.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-14 17:18:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.52381
Happy Valentine's Day to you too my friend.......
Lovely thoughts you send forth in your lines giving out the gifts of chastity......
I did a poem once about a rose and how its petals are wrapped one around another perfect in every way from the beginning of time lasting through eternity.......that is what a rose reminds me of and the petals as they fall to the ground indeed are perfect. The rose is my mom's most favorite flower and I bought her one just one today for Valentine's Day since dad used to take time to do the same.....
Your style is always perfect, 5-7-5.......your mnessage indeed celebrates the season of love. Thank you for posting and sharing with us, be safe and God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-14 11:27:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.27778
Hi ee-
chastity? wow. i didn't know that.
I would say:
Once an Ancient Bride
Marriage tears HER tattered gown
On Modernity!
ta
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-14 09:47:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Wow! What a timely piece, Erzahl! You must be in love this days!
Or you loved us here in TPL that you gave this for us a wonderful treat!
Petals are splendid especially in this season of Valentines.
I think the color of the petals is white because it symbolyzes purity.
The most appreciated color this day is red, right! But this one shining
in its glorious mien! The simile of a bride makes it splendid.
The personification in the second line is so much enlivining!
Your poetic craftmanship is indeed blooming!
THanks for sharing. Good luck for this one!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-14 08:57:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Dear Erzahl,
What a beautiful haiku and thank you Erzahl for the Valentine wish. It is another beautiful example of your work. I have been working on a few myself, but mine seem totally clumsy compared to yours.
Happy Valentines Day,
Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-14 04:28:01
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.10000
Erzahl--You are too much! What more can be said about your mastery of haiku/senryu? I tire of
relaying that all technicals are met (of course they are), but never tire of reading your brillant
and beautiful picturesque compositions. I personally dote on and enjoy my outdoor and indoor plants;
I am looking forward to the different colored "blossoms" anticipated in the spring and the scented
"Petals," as well as nectar, attracting their usual assortment of flying insects. Thanks for sharing
another superb effort.TLW
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