This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-17 16:23:02 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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I am a lighthouse

I stand on stout pelagic rock my beacon glitters atop an indigo sea An avalanche of heady water      Welters at my root When your way is astray in raven tide I'll be your haven.  If billowing waves beset and batter your bow and hope sways      I will be your moon If the sea spews her wrath or your north is lost and bewildered sea birds sob, I will      Illume your path I will polish the sea like a myriad of stars in the deep of night But when the sun leaps and      Flames the fire O'er sapphire sand, moor your ship on earth's lulling land rest your weary prow      On God's shore

Copyright © February 2004 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-07 23:20:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lovely work, Marily (11th-hour crit here!). Your writing just gets stronger and stronger. Use of internal rhyme is evidence of skill, but not obvious, and the cadence suggests the waves breaking around the lighthouse. There is some very appealing consonance going on, with the l/f/s and w/v. Verbs such as welter, beset, batter and polish are vivid and present clear images. The metaphor of the guiding lighthouse and the wave-driven ship is fairly familiar, but you are using it in your own way, with a unique voice. I'm not sure about the caps in L4 of each stanza. Is there a specific reason for using these? This is a fine illustration of personifcation, nicely extended throughout a lyric poem. The message is one of faith and reassurance. Everything works together so very well. Good luck with it. Brenda


This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-03-07 19:11:19
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Hi Marilyn, Your daughter Sherri is right, this is something worth reading! Of course I wouldn’t end the February month without commenting this one. This is so enlightening as your subject “lighthouse”. You have defined perfectly each and every good quality of a lighthouse. I like how you said “I’ll be your haven”, “I will me your moon”, “I will illumine your path”, “I will polish the sea like a myriad of stars” and the last and most beautiful of all promises, “Rest your weary prow on God’s shore”. These are poetically and lyrically done! These are great metaphors, superb! This allows me to remember my japanese verse 12 “Star”: “Faraway lighthouse In the mammoth of shadows Searching lost angels” I fell in-love with your words here Marilyn! Only you can do this with great ease and confidence. As always, your work is nature-inspired, refreshing, inspiring and with such great quality and excellence! I will never get tired reading and commenting your work! Keep it up! Say my hello also to Tanner! I missed his poems and critiques. I hope he is doing fine with his further studies and hope that he enjoys and having fun with it. I envy his courage on continuing his knowledge and time management. I am super glad this one is on top 1! I hope it stays there! As always, Erzahl :)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-03-02 10:27:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86667
Marilyn, Marilyn, Marilyn, this is absolutely wonderful, and comfortable, to know that metaphorical Lighthouse is always present. In the case of your poem, presented in romantic, and reassuring light, yet so true for the real feature of a lighthouse, but also the Belief in a higher being to always light the way, to be a beacon, just all we have to do is trust, and believe in the love of God. So you present in very wonderful linguists terms, using all the great points of poetry writing. Marilyn your growth has been so grand, you have literally jumped the moon, and you accomplish in this poem all the strong suits of writing poetry and more, you capture the imigination, and it's a pleasure to end the month being able to at least comment. Wonderful, keep reaching for the moon, it's always a pleasure to read your wonderful poems, and you've just grown, and grown. I hope this poem does so well this month, just wish I had more voting power to help, but in my small way you know how appreciative I am to read your fine poetry. Congratulations. The love, understanding, and communication skill become such a part of the maturation with age, and this poem more then proves the point...Love, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-29 23:00:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58333
Dear Marilyn, This is amazing and I love the images of the lighthouse and the sea. I love the sea and you describe it so beautifully. Marilyn, this could have been written as a hymn it has a holy resonance to it. You could make the case that the lighthouse and God are one. It leaves me with a special peaceful feeling. This one gives me a sense of happiness, serenity and peace all rolled into one. I like that. Thanks for sharing this one Marilyn. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-02-28 18:34:00
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: Here's your brief review of your beauteous poem. It was not on my list of 50 poems, so you must have received a plethora of critiques. I'm doing this from View All Poetry but you should receive it. Should I enumerate your poetics herein, I would be more exhausted for there is a plethora of allits, internal rhymes, assonance, symbolism, etc. I will try to hit the main phrases I love. (Nearly the entire poem). You use two words here (correctly) that I rarely see in this context: "pelagic" and "welters." Good for you. I would change "atop" an indigo sea (lovely) to over, above, etc, as your beacon is atop your structure and doesn't sound apposite for the sea. Heady water weltering at your roots is a rare descriptor and appreciated. Your poem is a metaphor in itself but you insert mini-metaphors (?) within. You are just too, too clever but I will always say that I used to "tinker" with your poems! Stanza 2 is perfection. All I can say on this is brava! Stanza 3 is perfection plus. The phrase "your north is lost" is exquisite and I wish I had written it! Kudos. "I will polish the sea like (a) myriad (of) stars in the deep of the night (b)ut when the sun leaps (and) and flames the fire O'er sapphire sands, moor your ship on earth's lulling land ....unique use of "lulling"... rest your weary prow (as I) or (like me) on God's shore." Stanza 4 noodlings are for grammatical reasons. "A" is not needed with "myriad". Stanza 5, I had the notion the end of the lighthouse's day was deserving of a mention: ergo, the insertion in S5, line 4. Nice enjambment between S4 to S5. Well, Marilyn, I will be greatly surprised and disappointed if this does not place VERY high on this month's list. You keep aging like fine wine in your writing... your linguistic choices are richer, crisp, and delicious; your word play sets a tone of poet's enjoyment in creating same; your imaginative powers expand with each poem you post. This is a metaphorical delight, rich and textured with clever adjectival options. Nil else to say except congratulations on your signature poem! Standing ovation! Mell
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-27 21:25:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40541
One of the finest poems in many a moon! I write about the sea often, having been born and raised near the rocky coast of Maine. You have captured perfectly one of the bastions of the coast. I know of no improvements that could be made. AND - you've used so many tools of the poet brilliantly. This is "top shelf" stuff!! I've had no better read in weeks, at least. Hope it wins!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-21 16:35:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
I am a Lighthouse.......A title befitting such a majestic piece which is filled with so much of the Lord for those that can not only read HIS presence but feel it as well.....with each stanza He offers you peace, comfort, love and security. When your way is astray in raven tide I'll be your haven. If billowing waves beset and batter your bow and hope sways I will be your moon I love to listen to the Lord when He speaks and He is speaking to me now.......I will be your moon I'll be your haven....... If the sea spews her wrath or your north is lost and bewildered sea birds sob, I will Illume your path I will polish the sea like a myriad of stars in the deep of night But when the sun leaps and Flames the fire He will light the dark night with the brilliance of stars so you will be safe in your travels.... Have you ever wanted to be a boatman? Out at sea weathering out a terrible storm knowing God was there beside you to bring you safely home? The sea is one of God's greatest creations for it has power and gentleness together at times to stand on God's earth and feel the water beneath your feet at tides time when it rises on the way in and pulls on its way out......to be washed over by waves......at times bigger then you are........indeed You are, my Lord a Lighthouse and not only at sea but in daily life as well.... Thank you for posting such a piece which has been structured well, choice of words as always creating images as one travels down.......be safe and God Bless, Claire We should all rest our weary prow on God's shore.............I have been kissed by the breath of God and felt Him kiss my cheek......cherished are those that have been held in His loving arms and returned to speak of it........
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-02-21 13:14:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
Hi Mom, Surprise! I joined TPL just so I could "critique" this poem. I cannot begin to tell you how this piece affected me...I have read it again and again and each time I am left with an overwhelming urge to jump up and yell YES! (Not really appropriate since I have read it so many times at work!) I will not pretend that I have the knowledge of the gifted poets on this site to be able to critique the mechanics of this work but I can tell you that it made me see, made me feel and made me know that I was there! Beyond the obvious illustrations of a physical lighthouse and a spiritual beacon, I wonder how many readers will see the parent's promise to her child? I did. It reminded me of the most difficult times in my life when you were there for me with guidance, comfort and safety. I especially like "If the sea spews her wrath or your north is lost and bewildered sea birds sob, I will Illume your path". There are so many images packed in those lines. I remember the lessons we learned as children about how not to "lose our north", literally or figuratively, while tromping the hills on hunting trips. Can any being be more hopeless than a sea bird who has lost north? And the idea of a sea bird's sob puts a lump in my throat. Once again, as in previous poems, your combination of words and emotion make the images you portray jump off the pages. Never stop writing, Mom. You give us a piece of your soul with every offering. Love always, Sherri (Yes, Tanner's Mom)
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-20 12:59:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.47059
Marilyn--I posted my "Lighthouse" piece about four months ago and used the "keeper" as the protagonist. However, your title and theme is truely an example of an excellent "persona poem;" which could also easily serve as a tribute. The language used by the speaker indicates a fondness for the sea and portrays an indepth knowledge of the "workings" of a lighthouse. A combination of great descriptors/allits (an avalanche/water welters/If billowing waves beset and batter your bow and hope sways I will be your moon/sea spews/ sapphire sand/lulling land) and rhymes (raven/heaven; wrath/path; fire/sapphire; moor/your/shore) in concert with the metaphors (especially the simile/personification of stanza #4 & #5) creates rhythmic tone and vivid imagery. There's really nothing more to be added. Disecting this piece was unnecessary but untertaken to point out what I liked about your effort. Thanks for sharing. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-19 21:31:11
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85714
Dear Marilyn, First of all, I should scream "Wow!" to this incredibly forceful poem. Enlightening, inspiring, energizing, etc, are just the words to describe this piece. The title alone "I am a lighthouse" gives ispiration and enlightenment as if God is saying it to his people, He is a guiding light, guiding us more than a lighthouse can guide the ship! Very essential and significant this poem should be! After reading this, I was absoulutely perplexed by your linguistic here. So excellently exquisite, I should say! You made use of the figurative speech to its maximum application like the metaphor and more. The first stanza is effective and forceful as it should be. The idea of strongness of the pelagic rock assures the person that the one speaking is really a haven he can cling on. You highlighted wonderful alliterations like 'st' in stand/stout, and and the very nice sound of 'w' in water/welters. "If billowing waves beset and batter your bow and hope sways I will be your moon" --- so strong is the figurative speech. nice allit with 'b'. I will be your moon....so sweet!!!! I will polish the sea like a myriad of stars in the deep of night --- The use of "like" made me pause, I am thinking of replacing it with "with". The idea would be polishing the sea with myriad of stars....adorning with stars... Sorry if I'm wrong. Just a trivial comment anyway to this humongous piece. The use of imperative in the last input makes the poem more inviting and inspiring: "moor your ship on earth's lulling land rest your weary prow On God's shore" Very well crafted, congratulations in advance for this piece! More of it, please! Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-02-18 14:01:54
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
This is sweet and evocative poem that I like very much. My wife is also bound to like it, as she loves the sea, and living by the sea. This poem reminds me of the town she is from on the Northernmost tip of California. This is my favorite kind of poem- it's a big work with big ideas and large expanses opened in the reader's mind, even a little sea-sickness is evoked here.. It's colorful and delicious to read. I have no real criticism here, only praise. There are a group of alliterations, but the poem is not overly strewn with them- a nice balance. This one is specifically nice: "beset and batter your bow and hope sways" Well done. Thanks, REEG!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-02-18 13:21:40
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55556
Hi Marilyn; Now this testament would grab any retired peg-legged, pipe smoking, barnacle bearded boy and slam him back in his dory amongst his cod just to be saved by you. I can't say enough about the images you constructed in my otherwise empty head. Excellent. I love lighthouses and have spent many afternoons enjoying the sound of the water lapping at their feet, with the fresh sea air provoking my own thoughts of their utility as the fog and wind creates havoc. Forget the critique..I am in a local bay watching the water splash over my bow...I can't concentrate on your words now! But...I'll try. Thanks for the added vocab...I don't know when I'll use pelagic rock again, but it set this scene immediately. Perfect. "Welters at my root"...such a sensually sweet sound and no doubt the root is factually an important part of your lighthouse. "When your way is astray"....whether by dinghy or tallship...these words and the following offerings with their subtle rhymes transport us along...I was kidnapped by your pirate poetry. "sea birds sob"...wow...love it! sssssssssscintillating! The gentle ending for the challenged ship landing it's tired stucture on land is so fitting. "rest your weary prow"...I needed to after that wonderfully dangerous but extremely exhilerating voyage. Thanks for writing this Marilyn...it is one of my favs so far this month...a poem that can be enjoyed by all. Mick
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-18 10:00:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Lovely, and filled with incredible images that make the lighthouse a strong beacon to guide the weary traveler indeed and work on several levels both literal and spiritual. This stanza: When your way is astray in raven tide I'll be your haven. If billowing waves beset and batter your bow and hope sways I will be your moon is my favorite for its rythmn and power. Not a hint of correction from this notorious pedant. Best wishes for its publication, Marilyn =Rachel
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-02-17 22:41:58
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Dear Marilyn: This poem is breath-taking! The title's "I am" echoes throughout. I believe it is "I AM" Who comes through this piece to deliver a message that is both consoling and uplifting. You've written many beautiful poems, and powerful ones as well - but this one - I feel it is one that is necessary, like food and water. Without remembering the hope that you show us in this remarkable work - life seems almost unbearably difficult. You show us hope and incredible beauty of language. I dare anyone to read this and not be inspired, not feel a stronger heartbeat and see a bit more by the "beacon" you give us here: I stand on stout pelagic rock my beacon glitters atop an indigo sea An avalanche of heady water Welters at my root Where to start? The "ou" sound in "stout/rock" is a mere beginning find - I can be distracted from the whole of a poem at times by the magnificence of its parts! The sturdy 'st' sounds in "stand/stout" make me sit taller, look about, become alert. Who is the speaker, I think, of such immense strength? The imagery of a beacon which "glitters atop an indigo sea" is language which brings chills. "water/welters" is exquisite, as is the end word slant rhyme in S1 and S2. When your way is astray in raven tide I'll be your haven. If billowing waves beset and batter your bow and hope sways I will be your moon Here I am absolutely flummoxed by the superb linguistics of this work. I can only allow myself to be swept away by the majesty here. With the last line above, I am aware of the magnitude of the subject - the hope that God extends, the peace He gives, no matter how battered we may be. If the sea spews her wrath or your north is lost and bewildered sea birds sob, I will Illume your path I can only reflect that you must have been inspired to write this - not that you aren't a highly capable writer. I felt that this poem came from the One Who is truly able to "Illumine" our paths. I will polish the sea like a myriad of stars in the deep of night But when the sun leaps and Flames the fire I almost feel that it is sacrilege to comment on specifics, so powerfully affecting is the work in its entirety. I felt when reading "like a myriad" that perhaps the word "like" weakens the line slightly. But in a poem of this luminosity - life-enhancing and hope-giving, I don't think changing the word is needed. When I read "flames the fire" and just below, "sapphire sand" I truly felt weak in the knees. The word I am searching for here is "AWE." O'er sapphire sand, moor your ship on earth's lulling land -- WONDERFUL! rest your weary prow On God's shore Thank you for this incredibly spiritually uplifting poem, and for the chance to offer comment. Sustained, standing ovation! This is definitely on the Winner's List. All my best, Joanne
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