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This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-02-17 19:42:56 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Closer to Far Away (edit)

Oddity of physics, the most distant galaxy from earth was found by astronomers seeking to know when stars first began to glow. The infant galaxy could not be glimpsed by potent telescopes until a rare gravitational lens nudged light tighter so it could be filmed. Now photographed: a spot ( . ) in limitless sea in a room missing ceiling or walls moving in endless expanse, flowing in bankless streams. Far from a point in space too tricky for our vision, we peer through Hubble’s eyes to watch what may be seen as subatomic particles by Someone c l o s e r to the scene.

Additional Notes:
The Hubble Space telescope is still at work! The discovery of a galaxy, yet to be named, inspired this poem. See http://www.hindustantimes.com/news/181_573897,0004.htm for details.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-03-07 19:12:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Hi Joanne, I just drop by to say how enlightening this is! Another beauty and light-bearing poem in the sea of February Poems. I can see / feel that this month has been a wonderful beginning for you, abundant with inspiring poems…so hard to choose, all are winnable (though I like “Then I’ll Dance With Dragonflies” most). “Now photographed: a spot ( . ) in limitless sea in a room missing ceiling or walls moving in endless expanse, flowing in bankless streams.” --- These are unforgettable images and descriptions! “Bankless”, this is awesome! You never seize to surprise me with fresh and new ideas! I am always entertained by your words! Always a great fan of your lyrical talent! Keep it coming! As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-02-29 22:16:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54545
Dear Joanne, I was waiting to see the poem you would write about the discovery of the new galaxy! I knew that it would excite you and something wonderful would come from your pen! You are the master of nature poems and I admire you for it. Your ability to make the reader "see" each and every line and description. Try as I might, I could only see two changes to the edit! One a comma added and a word (be) added in the last stanza. I see your picture clearly and also marvel at modern science to find something that is nothing more than a mote in the vast sky. What modern science found, God knew was there all the time, it is His creation. When my friends used to be afraid of aliens, I was never afraid. I believed that God created us in His image and He created the universe. If there is life on other planets, they they are also God's creations, so no fear! Joanne, I am truly a fan! Sherri

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-25 21:31:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26316
An improvement for sure, although I really enjoyed the 1st, as well. One little question is all. Do we need the statement "from earth"? It seems pretty well understood that's where we are peering from. Other than that, IT'S A BEAUTY, Joanne. I think the capital "Someone" is great. It's always a pleasure to read your artistry.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-21 10:34:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56757
Poet I like this one and the changes made bring forth to my own heart in closing the escaping of WOW..... Far from a point in space too tricky for our vision, we peer through Hubble’s eyes to watch what may be seen as subatomic particles by Someone c l o s e r to the scene Can you imagine? Well, indeed you have and posted it here for all the world to see. Again, good structure, great word choice and flow, images are always ready to pop out and bring us to where you intended us to be....thanks for posting and for the changes created with the flare of your pen. Be safe and God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-02-18 16:03:08
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.84615
Hi Auntie Joanne, I can see a single thing you changed here with just the "be" in "may be seen". I appreciate that very much you are very meticulous enough that you can't spare small thing like this! I did not catch it in the first submission. This time, allow me to say that the title is lovely. I can think of magnificent idea relating to this. This brings me to the magnificence of God that everything is near for Him. He is all-seeing and all-knowing! I believe you have put in spirituality here! Ah, by Someone c l o s e r ! Magnificent work you have here! Thank you very much for reposting, Auntie Joanne! Take care, Jordan

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-18 10:12:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
until a rare gravitational lens nudged light tighter so it could be filmed love it! This is a better version. I guess I should have read it first. Lots of luck in its publication.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-02-17 20:39:15
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
This is different for you, Joanne and very interesting to see. The first thing that struck me was the intense use of space in the poem. Even the white space works towards supporting the wonder you are showing. (Scientifically, of course.) The second thing I noticed was the use of the capital letter in "Someone" which for me drew in another whole dimension of understanding and meaning to the piece. "Now photographed: a spot ( . ) in limitless sea in a room missing ceiling or walls moving in endless expanse, flowing in bankless streams." This is a magical stanza. The image of the universe as a room without ceiling or walls is breath-stealing, and then you follow it with another set of contrasting (perhaps conflicting) images which also works to give us the feeling of endless hugeness and flow. This is the sort of thing that I was trying to do in "Beethovan" and "Bach", as it seems to be the only way to put absolute endlessness into focus. Francis Thompson would have been cheering. I have to tell you that most of my screen-saver on my computer is made up of Hubble images, so I know the wonder of it. The poem is good. Rene

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-17 20:16:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.60000
Hi Joanne, I am amazed by this piece! It is so different than what I have read of your work in the past. I see you posted it twice so I chose the edited one. In the first two stanzas you give us a little history of the galaxy when it first became apparent that there was 'something' beyond our planet. You call it an infant galaxy that could not easily be seen by the first telescopes..but then came the Hubble...what a discovery that was! The following stanza are full of wonderful words to give the reader a sense of what is beyond....(Love the 'a spot' (.) ) how clever to think of such a thing and so appropiate for this masterful piece. Now to the best part...'limitless sea, ...room missing ceilings or walls..moving in endless expanse, flowing in bankless streams'..I just can't even tell you how remarkable these lines are....'to watch what may be seen as subatomic particals by Someone' The capital 'S' here is significant as He is the only one who saw these marvles until we enhanced our vision with the Hubble. Then.... C L O S E R to the scene. The perfect ending for this astounding accomplishment. This is easy to read and understand plus it is inventive and very well done...kudos on this one! Blessings...Marilyn

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