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This Poem was Submitted By: Erin E Roland On Date: 2004-02-24 01:49:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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a glimpse, a view

Dark, tree-lined road, tunnel to freedom promise of a kiss good night, full of stars! in the morning strap existence on my back and begin to walk, to search for the feeling, such life the breath that brings the colors vivid to my eyes the breath that we’ll take as we climb, together I share this with you only moments, but they can never be used up and we will see, as we peek out from our path at gaping vastness, a discovery that side by side breath matching breath is practically one

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-03-02 10:47:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17857
I like this poem as it seems like it could be several things as the specific object of the poem. It could be a loved one, a spiritual life, or just a walk outside for the first time in a while in springtime. I like the inclusion of breath, as well as a consistent emphasis on 'we'-ness. Very well done. Thanks, REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-02-29 21:03:21
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Hi Erin... This poem is full of imagery that reminded me of my hiking weekends in Beautiful British Columbia. I particularly liked "strap existence on my back". I had often thought that I didn't need much more than what I had in my pack. I have experienced similar vistas of gaping vastness, yet I have never been so keenly aware of a discovery in unison and it was aptly and eloquently described as the matching breath....sounds like a love story to me...in many diferrent ways, certainly for nature, partner and self. TY for the entertaining piece. Mick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-28 19:01:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38710
Erin--The title of this Free Verse, in my opinion, has a dual themed feel. I get a sense that it can be intrepeted on two levels: in one vein maybe just a natural walk/hike along a mountain trail with a special someone enjoying sights (glimpse) nature has so generously provided; on the other hand, a metaphoric trek through life/experiences with someone special. The line breaks and punctuation gives this piece a staccato like read. I am sorry if I've misstated your intentions for this poem. Thanks for sharing your effort. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-24 11:07:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.70000
Beautiful imagery in many lines. I would only mention that readers are slowed, paused by commas and line breaks. In retrospect, I wonder if some of your "pauses" might be relocated, for example: Dark, tree-lined road tunnel to freedom promise of a kiss good night, full of stars! and: only moments that can never be used up and we will see, Only suggestions, the rest seemed excellent - and I really enjoyed this piece of art work. Write along.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Irene E Fraley On Date: 2004-02-24 07:47:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Interesting poem Erin, Is this a love poem, telling of two people facing life together, a poem of recovery, working with a therapist, a poem of friendship or a poem about writing poetry? I can read this in all four of these ways, and this is why I find it so interesting. The poem flows well, has good imagery and brings us, the readers, right inside the poem with the poet. The use of the image of "Breath" is used very well. There are two lines that I found a little confusing, "such life the breath that brings the colors vivid to my eyes" I didn't know how to connect these lines with what proceeded and suceeded them. The meaning is there, it just didn't seem to associate for me. I am really looking forward to hearing from you how I should be reading this poem. I liked it. Rene Fraley

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