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This Poem was Submitted By: Michael J. Cluff On Date: 2004-02-25 18:15:10 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Senryu 135

Wearing a beige tie Chris suffocated Robin with a tan dress belt

This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-03-07 18:55:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.71429
Hi Michael, “Senryu
5” --- Is this a sequence of events? Why jump from
2 to
5? A piece of a puzzle in Senryu format? Quite interesting… “Wearing a beige tie Chris suffocated Robin with a tan dress belt” --- It’s that “tie” again but now with a different color. Then, with a “tan” dress belt, I can feel that there is a lot of importance in the emphasis of the colors. Here, I can interpret a mysterious murder occurred within the lines. Revealing the names “Chris” and “Robin”, I can feel that these are “known” persons or somebody close to you or somebody you knew. This is a deep dark Senryu. Would be interesting to know what’s behind the contents. :) As always, Erzahl :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-07 12:28:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Oooh, this is nasty at first read! But then the meaning jumps out. The co-ordinated beige tie and tan dress belt present such a suave image. Use of Chris's real name, as opposed to Robin's character identification, implies that perhaps the living actor (in all his paralyzed dingity) would just as soon put behind him all those memories of his former self in its muscularity and power. By suffocating Robin, he's actually purging himself of many associations that are impossible now. He has moved past one kind of hero into another kind entirely. How it must hurt to remember. How hard it must be, even in the face of such great personal strength, to present a bold front all the time. The man is an optimist. He keeps believing in the chances for spinal-cord research developments. But his is a reality, not a child's fantasy of heroism that can't happen. Strong use of senryu form to convey meaning beyond these mere 17 syllables. Good to see you posting again! Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-02-26 18:10:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.54902
Did you read the story the good doctor added to this Senryu
5 which is on form and presented well. Words allow for images and imaginations to run wild from what I can see and feel within the lines. ]have yet to try one of these forms of poetry but I so enjoy reading them and I do thank you for posting and sharing this with us....be safe, God Bless, Claire

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-26 16:57:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.85714
I like your use of color it is so mater of fact against the starkness of your statement about a murder. I find the chris and robin slightly disturbing because of childhood memories of christopher robin but maybe that is what your going for. Either way, I like the poem. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-26 14:27:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.90909
I half expected Batman to jump out of the Browser and stun me with a Bat Projectile of some sort...I did not like Robin either, so I am glad that Chris finally got the revenge he deserved after she wasted those perfectly good P Diddy tickets on a Boston Cream Pie and four baggies of white powder. So, what're ya gonna do? Beige and Tan: nice color scheme for a white guy.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-26 11:49:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56250
Great Senryu Mikey! Vivid and alive and in the moment. The details of the descriptions of dress make it shocking and dramatic .. We are having a reading on March
th for Habitat for Humanity at BTTG. at 2 pm. Wanna come join us?

This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-02-25 23:01:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.50000
Michael--Just an excellent example of the difference between a Haiku (nature themed) and Senryu. All techs met (5-7-5 syllables/three lines/humorous slant). The colorful descriptors produce vivid images of this murder. I enjoyed this morbid sense of humor. TLW

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-25 18:29:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.17647
WOW! Talk about human nature, this well done senryu explodes with imagery. Great job. Looking forward to reading more of your work. Write on.

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