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This Poem was Submitted By: Michael J. Cluff On Date: 2004-02-27 12:33:29 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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What Gives?

The uniform unvaries: the blue pinstripe suit white long-sleeved shirt coral cufflinks black wingtips red, blue, white stripped tie etc. etc. etc. I live that life lie in my secret soul rejoicing.....

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-07 12:52:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Mike, I love it. The Walter Mitty of political smarminess. I know I'm missing the references, being Canadian and out of the loop, but I do follow CNN and read Time. I see this as being either Arnie or the current leading contender for the Presidency. You know, whatsisname ... Kerry? Or, wait! Bush?? Something like that ... Or, oops, a fading competitor who's been a front runner right up until people started making their choices. Oh geez. I'm not in the know, am I? Tell me, tell me!! The tie gives it away. What price patriotism? Of course, it can clash with other things. I do think you mean "striped" but "stripped" may be a Freudian moment, eh? Naked beneath the fancy duds, these guys are as mortally weak as the rest of us, even if they're muscular ex-bodybuilders to whom women throw hotel keys. Or Vietnam warriors squinting against the Mekong Delta sun. You touch on what many people probably feel but won't voice: the secret envy of those in power. We can't be and they are; we're better but they got there instead of us. Money talks and all that. So we dream ... lie that we don't ... and yet are relieved it isn't really we who are up there, crying for votes. I may be way off here. I probably don't care because I love the tongue-in-cheekery, the dress details, the last glad word. I just don't know who this guy really is! Maybe that's merciful. Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Mick Fraser On Date: 2004-02-29 21:56:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.63636
Military uniform? I dunno...you got me. Blue pinstripe...hmmm. Interesting read. Mick

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-02-29 11:32:02
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.61111
What Gives? [Good title] The uniform unvaries: I love the neoglism "unvaries" It makes me think of ovaries though -- but I am sure that is just me femanizing everything. the blue pinstripe[d] suit white long-sleeved shirt coral cufflinks black wingtips red, blue, white stripped tie [ah - the subtle demi-patriot - clever] etc. etc. etc. makes me think of the king in the King and I with all his excetra. I live that life lie in my secret soul rejoicing..... wonderful - brilliant ending mikey - "to lie in ones secret soul" is amazing made doubly amazing by the last word.

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-02-29 10:40:16
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.27586
Hi Michael, At first reading of this piece I decided that you are a professional man who wonders why he does what he does. This terse poem speaks as someone who feels trapped and made to wear a business suit everyday and would like nothing more than to break out of his personage and do something more fun! You have said so much with so few words but also said just what you needed to. When my husband wore a business suit to work he always called it his monkey suit as he preferred to work outside an office but sometimes that is not possible. I especially like the last stanza and the word 'rejoicing' is an uplifting ending in an otherwise rather sad poem. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-02-28 06:57:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.86111
MJC- Where do we go from here? tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-02-27 19:14:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.33333
A catchy little poem, Michael. I'm not sure why the 3 etc.'s, nor the inspiration from whence this came. I found it read easily until I came to the "lie", then hesitated, went back, re-read. I believe the "lie" is meant to be singled out for a specific reason, meaning the telling of an untruth and joyously getting away with it. The other possibility I saw was that "I" was living a life that was a total lie, a deceptive one. Isn't it supposed to be a "white striped tie" in L7? I think the consonance and alliteration is very strong throughout this work. The brevity of L2 in each stanza is great and the colors work well, too. I enjoyed the poem. Write on. :)

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-02-27 17:33:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.11111
unvaries is an interesting choice. It implies becoming more similar. The uniform veries less as time goes by but your word says it more eloquently. Rejoicing is a surprising ending since I expected to hear that you did not like that kind of life. Overall that is what I like about this poem the unfamiliarity the surprises you spring on me. Also the specificity of the discriptions in the first stanza is good. Sandra

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