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This Poem was Submitted By: Michele Rae Mann On Date: 2004-03-02 17:52:52 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Shhh

Shhh Can you hear that A slight whistle hum maybe slow warm So intense it grasps your inner soul at time bluntly Piercing It Stops Shhh Can you feel this first calm mystical close your eyes and enjoy Abruptly changing Stinging your skin making it bleed You cry wincing in pain Rub your fingertips together slowly the sensation is strong overwhelming making you rock back and forth Soothing Shhh can you smell it fear yes, you can smell fear you can taste fear imagine your throat being grasped By your own hand tightly then you stop gasping for air but knowing your going to live People say you have to have faith How Faith is the most petrifying fixation there is I have faith I am petrified how can you be sure Shhh this is my inner soul mixed with uprising so close to the edge longing to leap but theres' something that always brings me back My kids My husband My mom Myself God

This Poem was Critiqued By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-03-14 23:53:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000
This is a most apt and at the sma time disturbing poem. One is distressed for the part near the end, yet the same voice seemed so hopeful, hurt and confused at once in the beginning and middle. This is largely how I felt during my time at the temple, specifically at the end. I was at war with myself, but the tone of this seems to be that that God is somehow separate from you. I at least had reminders constantly that I was a fragment of God, and could be more like him. My ego didn't want to hear such things and it's disturbing what the ego can put into your mind at different times. Sometimes horrible things. I see much of myself in this work, although the apparent suicide wish here has NEVER entered into my mind at any time. I have no particular technical comments, as they seem inappropriate. Thanks, REEG!

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-08 15:07:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Michele, This poem grabs the reader in the first few lines and holds on until the end. It is poignant, sad, and compelling. I hope these are not your own thoughts as they are dark and seem desperate at times. I like the repetition of 'Shh' even tho some may not.. ..but to me it just adds more strength to the over all theme. You have used the senses quite well...hearing, feeling, pain, fear, taste. I can feel the pathos in every line and wonder why this poet is so sad. You are right about fear..it does have an order and I have smelled it many times in my life...not only for myself but for loved ones, as well. "Faith is the most petrifying fixation there is." Is that because it does not always bring the desired results? We must have faith in ourselves before we can really totally obtain it. This is a good poem, Michele, and I find myself reading it over and over in an attempt to discover what it is that makes it so compelling. That to me is a sign of a talented writer. Blessings...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-03-07 16:23:45
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 7.00000
Michelle, the strongest parts of your poem are in the first three stanzas when you appeall to each of the senses. That appeal really draws the reader in and prepares them for the more philosophical and personal stanzas at the end. One thing I would look at is the repeated use of words (shhh works because the repition is part of the form of the poem) what I am talking about is using the word fear twice in the fourth stanza faith three times and petrified and petrifing in the fifth. You might want to concider using other words that have similar meaning rather than repeating those words. Overall, I like the poem a lot it has a very reflective quality. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-02 21:58:31
Critiquer Rating During Critique: Unknown
Quiet beginning, thoughtful throughout, and very catching sensualality. Clever design and use of the senses. It captures the reader's attention with its vivid and brief description. Have no fear for family and God are with you! Thanks for submitting this piece from within your very being. A few technical corrections. Nothing else. Be well. Write on. :) but knowing your going to live - [you're...] People say you have to have faith - [Would "...you need faith" work here?] theres' something that always brings me back - [there's] I wonder why there is a difference in the capitalization sequence, some lines are while some are not, with no apparent relation to sentence beginnings??

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