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This Poem was Submitted By: Regis L Chapman On Date: 2004-03-13 12:21:05 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Escape

I want to escape from the reminders that someone has been here before I don't even know why I feel this but I still do and as I drive by you protected by my windshield and you by yours I can stare out at you and yours as I go by and know that you feel this too sometimes I would like to know you I would like to talk about what we can do to make it different but then again I don't want to see you near me anymore, either... whatever shall we do?

Additional Notes:
The paradox of modern life.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-14 11:27:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.87500
Escape [good title - fits the piece] I want to escape from [-the ]reminders that someone has been here before I don't [-even] know why I feel this but I [-still] do and as I drive by you protected by my windshield and you by yours I can stare out at you [ and yours] as I go by [I] know that you feel this too sometimes I would like to know you I would like to talk about what we can do to make it different but then again I don't want to see you near me anymore, either... whatever shall we do? Interesting poem which allows us to imagine a lot of differet stories -= someone fantasizing about a stranger passing with her kids in a car and projecting feelings about a lost love , - Someone actually seeing a ex and becoming nostalgic, - a stalker who sees a famous person and follows her imagining that they had had a relationship. This is remarkable in that there is great depth of feeling in a poem that is starkly written.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Sandra J Kelley On Date: 2004-03-13 20:32:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.30769
Regis, this poem has some really interesting stuff going on in it but I think it needs to be tightened up. I want to escape (want is not a very strong verb how about yearn, desire or something deeper and stronger) from [the] reminders [that](of) someone [has been] here before {I don't even know why I feel this but I still do} these lines probabaly don't need to be here but if you want to express this idea try to do it in fewer words and a stronger verb) and as I drive by you protected by my windshield and you by yours The above three lines are the best ones in the poem the idea is originally expressed and the imagery is good. It is also quite insightful. I [can] stare out at you and yours as I go by and know [that] you feel this too [sometimes] I would like to know you [I would like] to talk about [what we can do to ]make(ing) it different but then again I don't want to see you near me anymore, either... whatever shall we do? I really like that central image of being protected by the windows of the car it makes the whole poem work..My suggesetions are just to make it more condenced. Think of it as being a spring the tighter you get it the more power it has. Sandra

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-13 18:01:33
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.67742
Reeg, This doesn't really sound like you, but then again, how would I really know. We all have pain in our past, and painful release of by-gone affectations is really difficult - more for some than others. I see anger and the hopeless frustration of not being able to change the past. I think we all have attempted that, too. Your excellent piece of work has true effectiveness in the truncated lines and an occasional rhyme. I think I'd even shorten a few more - maybe: I want to escape from the reminders - [delete "from"?] that someone has been here - [maybe past tense here? "had been"] before I don't even know why I feel this - [possibly delete "even"?] and as I drive by you - [delete "you"? It's kind of understood, plus it's stated a couple lines down.] That's about it. A lot of oo's sounding off in this, and I think that is really a fine inclination towards the feelings being transmitted here. All of these are merely suggestions for I did like the poem as is. Peace and happiness, I hope are yours from here on. wl

This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-03-13 13:22:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.44444
Hi Regis--the thought processes are so real here, it's like we are right inside your head. We want to, then we don't want to. I want to escape from the reminders that someone has been here before I don't even know why I feel this but I still do These opening lines were very seductive to me, honest-to-the-bone, which is always risky and why some of us (like me) have trouble 'getting there'. But I know it when I see, and first-impression feelings of the risk the poet is willing to take are certainly appreciated AND admired. and as I drive by you protected by my windshield and you by yours The emotion here is powerful, and the idea that you are "protected" by your windshield shows us just how vulnerable you would be were it not for this "protection". I see much of myself here, Regis, which intrigues, but I can't seem to let these emotions flow honestly like you have. (I'm here to learn, though--grin). I can stare out at you and yours as I go by and know that you feel this too You know this person well enough to know that that person is feeling like you yourself feel--a sort of love/fear/emotional standoff going on. I want to come closer into the poem when I see 'sometimes' on a line of its own. It seems to work with the preceding lines, and also with the following lines. It's the quivering lip kind of word, used here--and the reader wants to move on quickly and know more. I would like to know you I would like to talk about what we can do to make it different but then again I don't want to see you near me anymore, either... It's painful and scary either way. You want the person near you but it's like putting your neck on the chopping block. Whatever shall do----begs a sequel! Lots going on in a just a few short lines here, Regis--also I want to say that I like a poem "shaped" like this with lots of short lines going down the page. It makes a 'profile' on the right. Thanks for a good read--and think about a sequel. Marcia McCaslin

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