This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-03-19 16:25:23 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Spring Quartet

Mallards  swing-walking, look for feasts of cracked corn or otherwise, slowly turn their shining heads in lily-washed air. Seagulls  perch on pilings, ruffle white cloaks above orange knees-- knobs of surprise leading to expectant feet . Frogs roaring the pond, determined to do what they were born to do: singing wetly, the whole sweet night before them. I fall asleep listening to their chorus resounding, resounding-- then I float in their black water, while the white moon wanders looking for her mate.

Copyright © March 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-05 20:31:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65217
Dear Joanne, Another wonderful nature poem with so much hope in it and beauty. The first stanza: I have no problem at all seeing the mallards and their little backsides swinging back and forth and their beautifully colored heads looking all around. Second stanza: A vision of wonders and great alliterations, the whole stanza just seems to trip off of the tongue. Third stanza: Then the sense of sound, with the singing of the frogs in the pond, engages the senses and makes you want to shout for joy at being alive! Then the beautiful ending, falling asleep listening to the symphony of nature. Gorgeous and another masterpiece is all I can say. I love it! Sherri


This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-04-01 09:34:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.85000
I kept hoping this poem would get to the top of my list and it never did 'cause others grabbed it but I will tell you how wonderful it is before it disappears from the months offering. Mallards swing-walking, [the phrase "swing walking" - describes the walk powerfully in just one word} look for feasts of cracked corn or otherwise, [not sure of "otherwise] slowly turn their shining heads in lily-washed air. ["lily-washed air" is so splendid it shines] Seagulls perch on pilings, ruffle white cloaks above orange knees-- [what a great picture you paint - ] knobs of surprise [yes yes!} leading to expectant feet. maybe "eager" expectant makes me think they are with egg Frogs roaring the pond, [is that like wagging the dock? - sorry - i really love this line!} determined to do what they were born to do: singing wetly, [yes! yes! yes! a wet chorus !]" the whole sweet night before them. I fall asleep listening to their chorus [just the frogs or all of the creatures?} resounding, resounding-- [neat!} then I float in their black water, while the white moon wanders looking for her mate. the last line is brilliant and the whole poem shines with your lovely language sweet syllablics and expert use of every poetic device known. Brava RAch
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-03-31 21:17:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15152
Hey Jo- Briefly: Beautiful. just so.
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-21 14:48:03
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143
Melodious it is, dear Joanne. You have certainly an eye and ear for transmitting those beautiful sights and sounds of spring. The 2 hyphenations in S1 are perfect. The alliteration of [w] [w]orks such [w]onders to the ear, as well. The "orange knees" & "knobs" - outstanding! No more accurate could the scene become. Frogs roaring the pond, - ["roaring" seems too much of a disconnect to the "singing" and "sweet" below? I see the intent, but question that verb selection slightly. I'd seek a synonym with a little less of the lion sound.] determined to do what they were born to do: singing wetly, the whole sweet night before them. More w's make a w-w-wonderful closing. Nice job. Thanks for the continuance of excellent submissions, Joanne. Best wishes. wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-20 07:15:42
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Joanne--Fresh and colorful descriptors respectively (swing walking; lily-washed air; knobs of surprise; expectant feet; roaring the pond; singing wetly; ruffle white cloaks; orange knees)create vivid imagery for this supreb linebreaks piece which has a nice ebb and flow to accompany its rhytmic read. A combination of nonliteral expresssions/personification ("...determined to do what they were born to do:"; "...the whole sweet night night before them"; "...then I float in their black water, while the white moon wanders looking for her mate.") and plain language of stanzas #3/#4 lends a quasi-humorous and semi-romantic ending to this nature lovers delight. Thanks for this great welcome to spring. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-03-19 22:57:48
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Dear Joanne, The perfect title to the perfect spring poem-"Spring Quartet" And what a lovely quartet this is! Great for reading aloud. Don't you just love Spring? The imagry of the mallards swing-walking back and forth scouting for feasts of corn is vivid. I can see the sun reflecting off their shining heads.The cracked/corn allit is superb. But what really sets this stanza off is the phrase "lily-washed air", telling the reader that a slow gentle Spring rain has given the breeze that spring-fresh aroma that is synonymous with the season. At least that's the way I interpreted it and it just makes me want to sing a joyous song. Aren't seagulls the most intriguing creatures? I love watching them. They are so conniving! perch on piles-yes, thats what they do! Your descriptors here are so great, causing the gulls to come alive in my mind. Love the ruffle white cloaks and the orange knees-vivid color! knees/knobs gives great alliteration here as well. Oh but that phrase-"knobs of surprise leading to expectant feet", that is just gravy for this reader. That has got to be the most unique description I've ever read! And then the frogs. They aren't just croaking, they're roaring the pond. This calls up one of my favorite sounds to mind. To be lulled by the roaring lullaby is the sweetest way to fall asleep ever. They sing wetly with the whole night before them. This is one of the sure fire ways to know it's definately Spring, when you can hear them at night. I just love it. The fourth to the quartet is of course you listening to their resounding chorus as you drift off in blissful paradise and the last part is so exquisitely put, " I float in their black water, while the white (black/white contrast is great)moon wanders looking for her mate." Only you Joanne, can take these simple things of nature and turn them into a poem that celebrates the season of newness in such superb fashion. Thanks for sharing this tribute to Spring. I enjoyed it as much as I enjoy Spring. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-03-19 20:54:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.59459
Joanne--reading your poetry is just chocolate and broiled lobster and a refreshing spring rain--tulips coming up AGAIN after a horrible, colder-than-average winter. Pure inspiration--and I kid you not! Some of the pictures you h ave painted in previous works will stay with me for life, and this is the same. "lily-washed air" Have mercy. I've been breathing deeply ever since I read it, to try to discern what MY air is washed with. It's not lilies yet--but it will be something wonderful--when spring happens! Perch on pilings--both picturesque and wonderful in alliteration--my ear thanks you--over and over again! orange knees---oh how the colors flash. knobs of surprise--and expectant feet? I am amazed and delighted how this imagery comes from your mind, and then I am totally amazed how you can translate it from mind to paper. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, would I have believed that a 'mind' can wend its way to 'electrons'. But however it happens, I love it. Frogs roaring the pond? Joanne--where does this come from????? What artistic bent---bent? {laugh}. singing wetly--the whole sweet night---alliteration is great, but it's the content that smacks me right in the 'brain'. ..that smacks me right in the question mark! I like the double-use of resounding--after all is said & done--a 're' is still a 're' and you've made the most of it! a Black water and a white moon--what a sharp image for us--and then.......then.... this moon wanders looking for her mate. So there you have--the poet meets the astronomer and delivers a great poem--such a pleasure--such a treat. I'm glad you're there for me to admire and to study. My Best--Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-03-19 20:29:10
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Joanne, Well, I just finished critiquing my mom's spring poem and I have to say, you two are surely on the same page! I absolutely love this piece. I don't know if I will be able to do it justice in a critique, but here goes - Mallards swing-walking, - I have never seen a more perfect description of a duck's walk! look for feasts of cracked corn or otherwise, slowly turn their shining heads in lily-washed air. - I can smell the freshness now Seagulls perch on pilings, ruffle white cloaks above orange knees-- this may be my favorite section! knobs of surprise leading to expectant feet . Frogs roaring the pond, determined to do what they were born to do: singing wetly, - I would never have thought of such a description but it is perfect. the whole sweet night before them. Thank you so much for posting. Spring is in full bloom here in Texas but sometimes we go straight from 40 degrees to 80 so I don't know how much of the freshness of spring we will enjoy this year. Blessings, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-03-19 18:06:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
Hi Auntie Joanne, This is a reveberating poem! It has the sound and view I wanna hear and see during that season! These sounds are all in our province! You made me desire to go back to our province again! The title "Spring Quartet" is simply the best title for the piece because the first word speaks of the theme and the second word speaks for the form. You are so poetically genius, Auntie Joanne! The picture of the mallards is envigorating. I think I have mentioned to you before that in our province I was having fun running after the ducks in the rain! It was my childhood days. The second quarted also has an energizing effect to this reader. Nice description with "ruffle white cloaks above orange knees". The third spring quartet is also wonderful. But sometimes the croaking of the frogs is a little annoying, but most of the time it can "lull" you to sleep. "then I float in their black water, while the white moon wanders looking for her mate." Nice ending, the spring quartet you described really makes one to sleep soundly. This is another wonderful treat, Auntie Joanne! May you continue to bring us delight with your wonderful poetry. Blessings, Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-03-19 17:36:14
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76471
Ah what peace, Thank You, I'm about ready to sleep enjoying the young birds in their sweetly chirping for their food, I watch the pigeons in their daily flight, seemingly erratic yet with purpose, cooing their message of Spring, unfortunately no frogs evade this solitude, in the middle of a concret jungle, I have my childhood memories, of safely sleeping in woods, on beds of pine needles, the sun warming the spirit, the chance to be in peace and quiet (one of five, two Grandmothers, a Mom and Dad, and numerous visitors drove me to seek the solitude of frest water waves lapping the shorline, quiet sounds, again safely asleep in a solitary peaceful surrounding. So as you can see the beauty of your poem makes rise the memories, and the strong desire for the sun, all things new, in this space we're allowed. Even now I am nursing a potted plant of unknown origin (no green thumb here), but plenty of water and partial sun sees new buds daily, and I can watch the unfurling of new leaves, what greater then Spring. Beautiful Joanne, you got me with this one all right.....Love Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-19 16:51:20
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.26316
Hi Jo, I am so glad this poem is on my list today...I am just about to post a poem about spring, as well. The idea of a spring quartet is wonderful and I enjoyed every word of this poem. Mallards swing-walking.....I immediately got a mental picture of Mallards walking..in two words you described their walk perfectly. look fr feasts of cracked corn or otherwise.....the word otherwise seems a little out of place to me but I am a lousy technical critiquer! slowly turn their shining heads in lily-washed air...............this is just lovely and so inspiring for a spring poem. Seagulls perch on pilings.....It is difficult to see a piling without a Seagull as it would seem unnatural ruffle white cloaks above orange knees- knobs of surprise.......I just love this...have read it over and over....then you say leading to expectant feet..........this is so cute and it just makes me smile and smile! Frogs roaring the pond determined to do what they were born to do.....and that they do...making such awkward sounds but unmistakable singing wetly.....this is so good as I can almost hear them the whole sweet night before them...they probably have more fun that we do! I fall asleep listening to their chorus....I can't do this in Wyo but have been places where I have fallen asleep listening to soft or loud croaks resounding, resounding- then I float in their black water...you and your deep sleep become one with the sounds of nature that rock you the whole night long...wonderful while the white moon wanders looking for her mate.....this is my favorite...if I had to pick one out of this clear and beautiful imagery...so lovely. You have written another gem which I just love. Blessings...Marilyn
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