This Poem was Submitted By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-19 17:02:54 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Spring is Born

Twilight of winter warbles an ode to spring as the sun fawns above earth and shines it's ardent brilliance o'er sober valleys and singing grasses Naked trees bask in healing rays of spring's dawn.  Shivering earth inhales the virgin air and breaths life into buds of guile Gone are the belching spasms of wind and the yammering of winter birds, born are dainty bonnie butterflies and red robins rejoicing in splendor The wind jarred forest yields to tranquility as warmth dissolves the carpets of white the pita-pat of rain bedews the boisterous leaves and festive petals Spring is born

Copyright © March 2004 marilyn terwilleger


This Poem was Critiqued By: Erzahl Leo M. Espino On Date: 2004-04-07 08:40:23
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Hi Marilyn, For me, this is a winner! Again, your expertise in writing nature-inspired pieces is manifested in your work here. Now, that the “Spring” is born, I am not surprised to read a very inspiring thoughts. Again, the lyrics are singing, the softness is whispering, the sunshine is enlightening, the beauty is contagious. Look at my words, I’m being “poetic” which should not be because I’m just commenting! :) “Twilight of winter warbles an ode to spring as the sun fawns above earth and shines it's ardent brilliance o'er sober valleys and singing grasses” --- The alliteration of the “W” in the first line is enjoyable. --- Wow, “singing grasses” and “sober valleys”, these says a lot of you Marilyn. You are good in these, you know that! “Naked trees bask in healing rays of spring's dawn. Shivering earth inhales the virgin air and breaths life into buds of guile” --- Another unforgettable words and imageries. “virgin air” and “healing rays” - just splendid! You let your reader accelerate in excitement! “Gone are the belching spasms of wind and the yammering of winter birds, born are dainty bonnie butterflies and red robins rejoicing in splendor” --- “belching spasms of wind”, “yammering of winter birds” and “bonnie butterflies” – where did you get this words / ideas! You are truly inspiring and a genius! You write these things in ease! “The wind jarred forest yields to tranquility as warmth dissolves the carpets of white the pita-pat of rain bedews the boisterous leaves and festive petals” --- “jarred forest”, “pita-pat of rain” and “festive petals” – so original and just perfect! I envy you when you write these things Marilyn. I learned and inspired a lot from you. You are truly a family with talents and gifts and you never tired on sharing this to us here in TPL. Thanks for choosing TPL as your venue of your precious and “free” talent. I have learned a lot from you! As I said, this one deserves at the top! This is very very good! I can see a lot of time, careful words and inspiration invested in this piece. I really appreciate the effort! As always, Erzahl :)


This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-05 21:02:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.65217
Dear Marilyn, How this poem gladdens my heart as I realize that spring is here. Not yet as warm as I wish it would be, but today the sun shone gloriously! My favorite stanza and the one that just seemed to sing out was: Gone are the belching spasms of wind and the yammering of winter birds, born are dainty bonnie butterflies and red robins rejoicing in splendor I love the alliteration in that last line. then the forest becomes tranquil, the carpets of white are gone, Thank God, and softly the rain falls to noursih the new leaves and festive petals. A beautiful poem of spring, I am so glad it is finally here. Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-04-04 11:07:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.77778
Ah, yes. I can feel it in the air and see it in the jacarandas and magnolias. A magical time indeed. This poem evokes it wonderfully well and with fresh perspective. Twilight of winter warbles [great verb] an ode to spring as the sun fawns [and here too –another great verb] above earth and shines [its] ardent brilliance o'er [why not just “over?” {o’er seems a little self-] consciously “poetic” and then you would get even stronger slant rhyme with “sober”] sober valleys and singing grasses [lovely] Naked trees bask in healing rays of spring's dawn. Shivering earth inhales the virgin air [wonderful]and breaths life into buds of guile[beautiful word –guile – but I think it is a stretch even at a metaphoric level] Gone are the belching spasms [really great – almost onomatopoeic!] of wind and the yammering [nice]of winter birds, born are dainty bonnie butterflies and red robins rejoicing in splendor [excellent!} The wind jars [to remain tense consistent]red forest yields to tranquility as warmth dissolves the carpets of white the pita-pat of rain bedews the boisterous leaves and festive petals [wonderful and alive] Spring is born Yes yes! Hooray hoorary! This is a wonderful poem Marilyn. Best Rach
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-22 11:54:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.58209
Twilight of winter warbles an ode to spring - [unique allit's, "warbles" really made me hesitate!] as the sun fawns above earth and - [Could these "ugh" and "aw" sounds be considered "slant assonance"? Nice] shines it's ardent brilliance o'er - [more ideal sights & sounds coming from your "pen"] sober valleys and singing grasses - [beautifully said] Naked trees bask in healing rays of spring's dawn. Shivering earth - [I feel the ice breaking up, the frost coming out of the ground.] inhales the virgin air and breaths life into buds of guile - ["breathes"??] Gone are the belching spasms of - [These 2 lines are superb, powerful, then...] wind and the yammering of winter birds, born are dainty bonnie butterflies - [...to the softness of these next ones. Beautiful comparison/transition] and red robins rejoicing in splendor The wind jarred forest yields to tranquility - ["wind-jarred?] as warmth dissolves the carpets of white the pita-pat of rain bedews the - ["bedews" great creative verb, an attention grabber, for sure.] boisterous leaves and festive petals - [excellent, but it leaves me wanting more, more.] And here it is, Spring, in that final statement. Great read! Thanks for celebrating the season. wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-03-20 13:28:38
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Hi Marilyn--this morning you are at the very bottom of my list--and I'm afraid if I don't catch this now, it will go away, never to return! You know what I think? I think that creativity breeds creativity--kind of akin to 'use it or lose it' but going one or2 steps further up the scale. Your poetry seems to spring from 'here'--then from 'there'; it sort of 'comes at you' from a number of different wells. As I read through, your 's's' sing in every single line--like the quiet 's' of a spring breeze--through trees--birds--flowers--forest--carpets--bedews (bedews???) wow--what a quaint feeling I get from your use of that word! Well, YOU look--s's in every line as though the whole poem is lifted on the wings of song and even though you use some "hard" words like belching and yammering, they only serve as bass-notes. 1st verse winter/warbles---sun/shines/sober/singing--no wonder our ear begs for more. 2nd verse naked trees/healing rays/shivering earth--but you got me hook/line/&/sinker with your: "inhales the virgin air"! v.3 - belching spasms and yammering birds. The belching spasms part really relates--it's certainly that way in Wyoming--I don't know about other springs. It always seems like March puts up such a tough fight. dainty bonnie butterflies---love it--you've been reading your Irish book again, haven't you Marilyn. I used to hear about 'bonnnie' things, but here you've brought it right into the present. It's refreshing and nostalgic at the same time! And it sure paints a 'spring-y' picture. "red robins rejoicing in splendor"---lots of 's's' and color going on in this line. The wind jarred forest yields--at last, but like I say, winter puts up quite a fight before it yields. I think it only yields at all because God says--"and you will YIELD..." Your carpets of white are in the exact right place for me. You could have used them earlier in the poem, but it would not have had the contrast, so they are mentioned just before the birth--and then 'pita-pat' (that brings a chuckle and my ear likes it--and my nostalgia meter registers! rain bedews--I'd have given anything to think of that myself! (And now I can't use it 'cuz it's already yours--darn!) boisterous--reminiscent of a baby's first cry and festive petals are the joy and relief-- because Spring is born. (I'm not sure about these things--but shine its ardent brilliance--I could be wrong, just thought it didn't need the apost.) Speaking of brilliant--a brilliant work here-- it does all the things a poem is supposed to do--at least for this reader. Thanks. Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-03-20 10:50:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.76923
Hi Marilyn, I wrote a long critique of this lovely poem of yours last night and then lost it as I was getting ready to post it. Frustrating experience, but I can't go without commenting on something that inspired such pleasure in my heart, so here goes again. Your opening line is fresh and the entire poem is so alive it seems to even have it's own heartbeat. This first line begins with the music of winter warbling (nice allit) an ode to Spring. You had me right there, riveted. You speak of more music with even the grass singing. The other words that provide such harmony in sound: twilight/shines, spring/singing. The visuals of trees being naked and the earth shivering impact the reader in a physical way and the image of virgin air breathing life into them is quite a rewarding thought. The personification of all of creation is intrguing and you carry it well throughout this piece. The "belching spasms of wind and the yammering of winter birds" again personify and took me by surprise, when I read this I laughed outloud to think of such an idea. There is a symphony in this piece! In s-3 you offer us color with our visuals that is lovely with the red robins rejoicing(nice allit). May I suggest adding a bit more color by exchangng "bonnie" for "orange"? "warmth disolves carpets of white" is lovely and again striking imagry and the "pita-pat" Rhythmic music of the rain adds more wonderful sound making even the leaves join in the symphony. This poem is a celebration of the new birth of nature in sight and sound and touch. Thanks for sharing such an accomplishment with us. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-20 06:22:32
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.40000
Marilyn--After the title, the 1st stanza gets this piece rolling with some unique descriptors (warbles; fawns; sober; singing)for this seemingly simple rotation of the seasons: a glorious warm spring is being ushered in by a waning of the winter months. The 2nd stanza (my favorite lines) continue this same vein but ups the ante with wonderful personifica- tion which creates vivid imagery of satirical proportions. The 3rd stanza present an array of allits (birds born; bonnie butterflies; red robins rejoicing) that highlight a duality element ("Gone are the belching spasms..." but "...born are dainty bonnie..."). The dual element is aptly repeated in stanza #4 ("The wind jarred forest yields..."; "...as warmth dissolves the carpets..." etc). The last line restating of the title reemphasizes the theme and sadly bring to end this tight poetic and picturesque tribute to spring. I throughly enjoyed the read and hope that I did not wonder to far from your intentions for this effort. TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L. West On Date: 2004-03-19 20:17:59
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.66667
Hi Mom, Well, you have done it again! You have painted a beautiful picture of the earth embracing the spring while turning its back on winter. I think my favorite verse is: Gone are the belching spasms of wind and the yammering of winter birds, born are dainty bonnie butterflies and red robins rejoicing in splendor I really love "bonnie butterfiles" and "red robins rejoicing". Also, "wind jarred" is very appropriate. I remember the Wyoming wind blowing so hard that it blew not only sand but gravel! I also really like "boisterous leaves". Shivering earth inhales the virgin air and breaths life into buds of guile - what an image! Once again, you have taken a moment in time and expanded it into an experience. I love it! Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-03-19 20:04:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.78947
Neato Marilyn, what a great sensation this poem creates, the approach is different, clean and crisp, just what one would expect from Spring. I've a a couple of premendous poems on Spring here, and this ranks up there with the best (you know the artist). What a grand springing forth you have done in writing wondersul, entaintaining and inclusive poetry, that allows the reader to breath in the scents your words in combination creates. No way would I suggest anything, the Good Lord put me here to enjoy the beauty created in the blossoms, and scents of the beauty already engulfing us. Love this poem to, it's right up there. My Girl you know not what you create, a piece of artistic endevor that allows many to enjoy the pictures, and sense of cadence and beauty your words command. Great..Great..Great once again, keep it up you'll reach laurent status in the end, you certainly are developing a readship and just waits to see your latest artistic beauty. Love Ya, God Bless, keep on a writin.....Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-03-19 18:34:30
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72727
What a splendid poetry you have here, Marilyn! After I read this poem, I am in awe, wondering how you come up such wonderful artistry. The energy your poem gives is superabundant. Its most striking feature is the choice of words, phrases and descriptors which comprise a very exquisite linguistics. The title alone "Spring is Born" is splendid and has a lot of images to paint! Twilight of winter warbles an ode to spring ---- [allit 'w' makes a powerful sound here] as the sun fawns above earth and ----- [wow! what a personification of sun! THe sun is really exhibiting affection!] shines it's ardent brilliance o'er ---- [brilliant, but I think you need "its" without the apostrophe] sober valleys and singing grasses ---- [wonderful sibilance!] In the first stanza alone, it is rife with poetic devices that entice readers! "Naked trees bask in healing rays of spring's dawn. Shivering earth -- [I am thinking of deleting "spring" here, just "dawn", just a thought inhales the virgin air and --- [very refreshing descriptor with "virgin air"] breaths life into buds of guile" --- ['b' allit is breathing, it gives a tone to the idea of breathing!] Nice phrasing with "belching spasms of wind" and "yammering of winter birds". These two lines are greatly alliterated: born are dainty bonnie butterflies --- [bbbb....really amazing!] and red robins rejoicing in splendor --- ['r' is resounding! nice imagery! The final lines are even more amazing: "the pita-pat of rain bedews the boisterous leaves and festive petals" --- so impressive is the language! Marilyn, you gave me a standing ovation, here! I am already tired of my work, and your poem is energizing me together with the poem (Spring Quarted) of Auntie Joanne which I have critiqued a while ago. Kudos to this work! Write more of this! My final exclamation, WOW! Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-03-19 17:26:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Marilyn: I have an ear-to-ear grin - as we seem to be tuned into a similar muse. And how I love this poem!! I think you have another winner in this one. Twilight of winter warbles an ode to spring as the sun fawns above earth and shines (its) ardent brilliance o'er sober valleys and singing grasses Ahhh -- I love it that you have the "twilight of winter" warbling an ode. It seems almost a double entendre that the "sun fawms above earth" -- I could immediately see the sun as a huge, soft fawn. Your "singing grasses" echo the luminance of Whitman and Blake. Naked trees bask in healing rays --delicious assonance of a's of spring's dawn. Shivering earth inhales the virgin air and (breathes) life into buds of guile (a stratagem of nature?) How exquisite! The earth shivers and "inhales the virgin air" -- ! Gone are the belching spasms of --very original if 'jarring' thought wind and the yammering of winter birds, --you have caught their stridency perfectly born are dainty bonnie butterflies (I might omit either "dainty" or "bonnie" - see what you think.) and red robins rejoicing in splendor The wind jarred forest yields to tranquility as warmth dissolves the carpets of white the pita-pat of rain bedews the boisterous leaves and festive petals I could only find "pitter-patter" in my dictionary, but a neologism may just have been born, too! Spring is born Now my spring fever is at an all-time pitch! You've given such a glorious rendition in this, your love-song to mother nature. This is an auditory banquet - the "wind-jarred" forest is relaxed, the "boisterous leaves" are sparkled with rain diamonds. Simply splendiferous! As another note of 'co-incidence' I've just watched a hailstorm which made very loud "pita-pat" sounds, indeed. I wish you could forward a picture of the way spring arrives in Wyoming, but in place of that, you have given us this lovely word picture. Many thanks! All my best, Joanne
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