This Poem was Submitted By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-03-20 15:22:59 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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My Summer Dream Cabin

It hides deep in a steep canyon, its north side crocheted in webs of reindeer moss; its throaty song joins in harmony with the stream cavorting nearby. Wood smoke puffs from the chimney, (dit-dit-dit dit-da-dit) mountain code for: someone is home and all is well. A high-country garden yields young crops-- lettuce, radish, arugula-- a salad bar for all creatures hungry for the taste of green. Animals, wary at first, sense that the intruder means them no harm.   Finally, they feast openly  on the strange leaves with exotic flavors and allow themselves to be photographed. The nest-building, the denning, and burrowing continue, for the nurturing of youngsters is a most serious and time-challenged business. The nurturing of my own soul is serious as well; after years of running the hot, sweaty race, it is now time to relax, to fill my cup and drink deeply from the glacial trickle.

Copyright © March 2004 Marcia McCaslin

Additional Notes:
a. this is revised--I hid the previous one. b. the morse code is real c. I will be on vacation from March 29 thru April 3--will be taking my laptop and will try to answer & rate all critiques because I do look forward to feedback. Many thanks!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-04-07 21:35:57
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.93103
Marcia, what a glorious tribute to this vision, this place of peace! S1 is just superb by way of introduction. "Crocheted/in webs of reindeer moss" - wow. I think this poem nicely complements our poetry reading of Louise Gluck for this coming month. You are the mistress of line breaks, you know. Not tomention fabulous nature imagery. The poem's tone is so uplifting and calming. From the simple gifts of the garden to the wary but curious wildlife, you've set such an engaging scene! The Morse Code - S.R. - intrigues me because I'm wondering why those two letters would be used. (S'all right, maybe?) I also enjoy the way you move from the nurturing of the young animals to the spiritual mothering that this place of peace will provide for you. "Glacial trickle" is a detail to die for! It makes of the icy coldness a beautiful thing indeed. Sorry this is brief but it's almost the end of the contest and I did want to let you know how much I've enjoyed the poem! Take Care, Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-03-31 21:14:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.15152
If I close my eyes I can see it. So it was good. And the morse code. nice touch. hope you're enjoying it. tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-03-28 15:46:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.80769
Dear Marcia, Hi, I wrote a critique for this poem and lost it last week, so here I go again because there's no way I can let this one go by without comment. Your summer dream cabin sounds like something out of a Thomas Kincaide Painting, So warm and cozy and charming. Can I live there too, please? The phrase, "crocheted in webs of reindeer moss" is delightful and gives an image in our minds that is picturesque. There is instantly music with the "throaty song" and the boisterous play of the stream. Nice touch. The visual of the smoke puffs from the chimney is rewarding for this reader. What a quaint place this is! The idea of a high-country garden is lovely sounding and, "salad bar for all creatures hungry for the taste of green." gives new meaning to the phase salad bar. Watching the animals and the pictures that you'd get would be awesome. Sounds like you have a child nuturing soul and dreams for the future nuturing of your own soul. I love the end "drink deeply from the glacial trickle". It sounds so refreshing and like it has a double meaning. Thanks MArcia for sharing some of your dreams with us. I enjoyed this immensely and have no suggestions for revision. Blessings, Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-25 11:40:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
I love this speculative self examining piece which is universal in its ponderings and joyful and aliv in language My Summer Dream Cabin [Not crazy about the title - the poem works on many more levels than that and a publisher might not realize that an pass the poem over. It hides deep in a steep canyon, its north side crocheted in webs of reindeer moss;[soft and lovely description] its throaty song joins in harmony with the stream cavorting nearby. I love the word "cavorting" It makes me think of deer and children other lively actions. Wood smoke puffs from the chimney, (dit-dit-dit dit-da-dit) mountain code for: someone is home and all is well. enormously clever device which works well! A high-country garden yields young crops-- lettuce, radish, arugula-- a salad bar for all creatures [yes yes! wonderful} hungry for the taste of green. Animals, wary at first, sense that the intruder means them no harm. Finally, they feast openly on the strange leaves with exotic flavors and allow themselves to be photographed. I like the way this narrator steps gently into this bucolic scene The nest-building, the denning, and burrowing continue, for the nurturing of youngsters is a most serious and time-challenged - a little too yuppy a term I think - but maybe its just me business. The nurturing of my own soul is serious as well; after years of running the hot, sweaty race, it is now time to relax, to fill my cup and drink deeply from the glacial trickle. ah...yes...the ending pulls it all together and introduces us to the poet behind the pen as she steps out of the page announcing to all the world - this is what I have learned - great great conclusion -- and I love that cool sounding "glacial trickle" As a silly aside - what a great name that would be for a brand of bottled water!
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-03-23 13:56:47
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.46667
Hi Marcia, I really liked the first one! Now I can't compare and figure out the differences. Oh well, this seems ideal for all writers, and lovers of peace. I sometimes wish I had such a place, but my respite usually comes when we make the trip to Missouri to see my mother-in-law. My ideal place is somewhere on the ocean where I can look at the movement of the sea whenever I want to, feel the sun on my face, and the salty breeze blowing my hair. To me, the sea is so totally comforting and serene, but when it is kicking up, it can also be bracing and exhilirating. Oh well, that is a whole new poem! Marcia, the last stanza is what I think I like so well, the nurturing of my own soul, after years of nurturing others, always on the go, working, racing around doing things, it is nice to be able to relax and take in all the wonderful sites that God has given us to enjoy. Thanks for sharing this with us, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-03-22 16:08:26
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Oh, this is marvelous, what sweet solitude to gather oneself, surrounded by the bounty of the Creators glorius repast put here, for us only to slow and recognize exactly the bounty the surrounds us, for the person, cabin, the moss the fauna, the beauty, so scenic and quiet, will joining in fellowship with Gods other creatures, to allow them time to trust, to put a repast in for their tastes, wonderful, I'm right there in the woods at that cabin. How sweet this is worded and what inner peace this creates in this beings soul, almost as if we've died and gone to heaven, no speed, no noise, no threats, just peace, quiet and tranquility. What a wonderful poem, for in it you cite where you are in this universe, wouldn't it be wonderful if all could turn this corner, and know the struggles are no behind, the health is stable, and now one can think of themselves, and not be selfish, just mature enough to know, enough is enough, now for the peace and transquility. So lovely, so maturelly writtenm, it comforforts and offers the reader a glimp of what could be, and if one wants these sensations it's not beyond their reach. Listen Marcia, I critiqued a long critique about your Isreal poem, another wonderful poem, only at the end of the critique I hit the do not critique button, and the critique is lost, I'm sorry just one of those absent minded, non thinking elderly phoopaas. It was a wonderful poem. Take care, be safe, and come back, don't get lost and leave us again, we need to read a lot more of your submissions...Lovely. Luv, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-20 18:55:43
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.55000
Marcia, don't think I saw the 1st one, but I love this one. Brilliant and interesting imagery, esp. the garden and animals. The beautiful descriptions brought me right into the place you created. I was there experiencing the animals visits. Great job. Just a couple of sugestions. I did seem to have trouble with the Morse Code [s, r]; I like the idea, but don't realize what (dit-dit-dit, dit-da-dit) s, r signifies. Maybe use da-da-da, da-dit-da "o k" instead?? The alliteration in the garden is wonderful, picturesque - or, should I say delicious?? The nest-building, - [I think maybe these 2 lines should be combined.] the denning, I enjoyed this comparison of the needs of nature's beings to those of yourself. The closing stanza is a work of art, an awakening with that cool drink! Write on. wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-03-20 16:53:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Dear Marcia: From the deep drink you took, you have given us wondrous refreshment. I traveled down the lines of each stanza, trying to slow myself down, knowing that at the end of the poem it would be the end of the poem, until I read it again. It is like that experience which you realize is wonderful and fleeting - one that you want time to hold still and keep for you. Because of the grace you communicate here, it is possible to return to this poem, again and again, for the nurturing of our own souls. From the title on down, it is everything I want and crave in a poem. "My Summer Dream Cabin" is unabashedly romantic (in the sense of an imaginative, visionary appeal) and calls to each of us from whatever turmoil distracts us from life's true work (my opinion only) --appreciation of what the Creator continuously gives us, and the sharing of same. And then -- I love the way "Cabin" pairs with the sounds of "canyon" and while admiring that sound, I am gone. Sending out feelers of touch for the delicate "webs of reindeer moss." Your musical talents abound in the work - not surprisingly - but always thrilling. The rhymes within the first line of "deep/steep" are part of what tool me away. By the time I got to "throaty song" of the canyon (and cabin?) in harmony with the stream "cavorting nearby" I was as good as twenty years younger and a thousand miles away. And oh, the visuals, sonic treats, the smell of wood smoke, and humor of the "mountain code" -- all leading to the suffusion of reassurance and gratitude in the words "someone is home and all is well." The way the typed out code itself looks on the page signals readers that it is possible to feel joy anytime, anywhere - not-so-well or pretty good. As Mary Oliver said in her book "Winter Hours" -- "what is spiritual about the manifest is not the part that leaves tracks in the snow." You, too, have the gift of communicating about the beauty you find in the world and you make it unforgettable. For example: A high-country garden yields young crops-- lettuce, radish, arugula-- a salad bar for all creatures hungry for the taste of green. Your poem works around my mouth, tongue and teeth with the words "lettuce/radish/arugula" moving on down past "hungry" to "green" so vividly that I literally can taste them. I am a rabbit, all at once, nose twitching for green. Animals, wary at first, sense that the intruder means them no harm. Finally, they feast openly on the strange leaves with exotic flavors and allow themselves to be photographed. Someday - if it is possible and you publish this - oh I hope - there can be photographs of those faces. We can already see the steady gleam in those liquid, trusting eyes. The nest-building, the denning, and burrowing continue, for the nurturing of youngsters is a most serious and time-challenged business. It isn't all pretty and 'adorable' you show us adroitly here - it is hard work and "time-challenged" and must be done. We've got parts of our lives like that (mostly) -- you let us become aware of here -- the metaphor is not lost on me though it is subtle! We've work hard at it all - but you've brought us into this viewpoint gently and bring us tenderly back: The nurturing of my own soul is serious as well; after years of running the hot, sweaty race, (oh, the intensity of life here!) it is now time to relax, to fill my cup and drink deeply from the glacial trickle. One has to be thirsty to fully enjoy the thrilling moment of deep drinking. The harder experiences of life are all worth it and we are not alone in our struggles, you seem to be showing us here. You leave me with the feeling that Someone is ready to "fill my cup" as well, if I am ready to receive. Part of that receiving includes this poem. I receive it with gratitude and delight. May your time away be blessed with an antidote for the "sweaty race" and bring you home safely to us again. Your music takes my breath away!!!! All my best, Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-20 15:47:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.27273
Hi Marcia, I thought I would take one more look at my list before I stop critiquing and there you were! This piece is absolutely amazing...with its colorful descriptors that give us color and flavors beyond our imagination....'steep canyon its north side crocheted' Wow I love crocheted here!...'webs of reindeer moss..throaty song..harmony with the stream...cavorting (great) nearby....'wood smoke puffs'...how many zillion times have I seen this when in the mountains...it always gave me a feeling of warmth and safety and a desire to knock on the door in hopes of being invited inside....'high country garden' I imagine people who have never see this sight think we can't grow a garden here but we can. Animals that come down off the mountain and out of the hills for a feast of strange green things. These next lines are just perfect..nest-building..denning, burrowing, nurturing of youngsters..serious and time-challenged business. Yes it is...just watch the animals in the wild and you will know this without a shadow of a doubt. I actually feel sorry for people that have lived their lives in a city and are never exposed to the scenes that are part of our everyday lives. Then your last stanza where you compare the nuturing of your own soul to theirs. 'Years of running the hot, sweaty race, it is now time to relax...to fill my cup (love this) and drink deeply from the glacial trickle' This entire piece just sings to me and I must confess I wish I had written it! I too now find myself in a place where I can actually think 'what do I want' which is something I never did for so many years that it became almost impossible when I entered in "widow-dom" but now I do it easily and without any guilt. Have fun on your vacation and write something for us when you get back! Love...Marilyn
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