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This Poem was Submitted By: Mark Andrew Hislop On Date: 2004-03-21 02:21:20 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!

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Actuality

In fact, I hunt what stares me in the face As if there’s darkness everywhere, or worse: Light around me on all sides, but my eyes Can’t catch one simple edge of what I hunt. It’s here. But I’ll keep that pleasant light on. It lets me pretend that I’m still looking. In the mirror, too perfect, no clue lies. I am conjured there: do I see nothing? Why can’t my heart show itself in neon Right across my forehead? I hate riddles. I am one. Damn. Why do I hide myself Ignore myself, pretend I don’t exist? It’s not too late, but I need to be brave. I nod here, smile there, make glass promises, And I watch them fight the magic fading. Lovers, children, all live on fantasy. What do I feel? I left, and am, the clue. There’s the dark truth of me in the mirror, Right where it left me. Right before my eyes.

This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-03-31 13:34:04
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.25806
Mark- This is a beautifully rendered piece. The language is simple and clear, no big words, but plenty of big and deep important ideas. And I love the ending: The last three lines really wrap the work up nicely. well done. tom

This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-03-26 12:33:13
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Mark: Excellent work, indeed. Use of pentameter is really subtle because you don't anchor it to iambics. "I hunt what stares me in the face." Our search for personal meaning is never-ending. Use of "edge" sets the limit on what we can discover. Perhaps we don't really want to peer beyond it. "It lets me pretend that I'm still looking." What a revealing statement! Why can’t my heart show itself in neon Right across my forehead? Memorable question! True self-knowledge is probably impossible but we do search for signs. The invisible hides behind the skull; the visible is a lot less important but it's also easier to find (just tougher to interpret). I nod here, smile there, make glass promises, And I watch them fight the magic fading. "Glass promises". Wow. "Fight the magic fading". Wow again. You have a gift of evocative imagery. Living on fantasy, living in fantasy, show us to be frail dreamers who can never become what we'd wish for ourselves. There’s the dark truth of me in the mirror, Right where it left me. Right before my eyes. The obvious jumps into focus. It was there all the time, which you suggest from L1. Your speaker and reader both shift from imagination to reality, a back-snap into the room where the mirror waits. We understand perfectly what's been said, and what we can expect of our own futures. What a fine poem this is! Brenda

This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-21 15:39:09
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.38462
Hi Mark, The only problem with this piece is that it leaves me wanting more. I know it is ambiguous for a reason....as it is well written and mysterious. However, the arm chair psychiatrist inside me screams 'why are you lost to yourself?' I feel pathos as you scan that mirror but alas cannot see yourself...the self which I believe you want to let everyone see but for some reason cannot. "Why can't my heart show itself in neon right across my forehead"...I think showing ones true self...or what we imagine to be our true self...is difficult for some people. Perhaps they think nobody will love them if they really see inside the mirror which I don't think is usually true. We never see ourselves as others do anyway as they are too consumed with how they affect the masses to be concerned about anyone else. Enough of that! I am really enamored with this poem...it leaves room for the reader to look between the lines but in the end still leaves them crying for more. Good job...enjoyed every word and have no reason to suggest any changes. Peace...Marilyn

This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-21 13:48:07
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56452
This is very strong. It appears to be laden with a sadness - from recognizing oneself as he really is, being exposed finally to self-observation in that "mirror". An exciting and fascinating read. I think nobody could get this much emotion in so few lines. Quatrains to couplets very effective as the reader is switched back and forth [with the author] between the future and the present. The concentration on that image in the mirror is so intense, the reader cannot escape from the lines of this poem, try as he might. Powerful. I can offer no suggestions to improve it, but do hope this is an awakening of substance for you, if any possibility exists that this is autobiographical in nature, as I expect. Courage, peace, happiness my wish for you. wl

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