This Poem was Submitted By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-03-29 18:51:24 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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By the Pond
Stalks of wild iris
like green-dressed sentries
greet wandering geese.
Ducks glide on water cupped
in pond’s upturned palms
as late arriving gulls wheel and dip
to receive air offerings
of flung bread.
Nascent yellow buds
snuggle in spring’s pale womb--
a cradle full of summer
with velvet sighs
to come.
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Copyright © March 2004 Joanne M Uppendahl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-07 10:26:52
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69643
My goodness, Joanne, how you do paint a picture and tickle my sensation-meter at the same time!
(I realize this is doing very well, as it should, in the contest--but I went on vacation as you
know and am just getting around to some of the March poems). I am amazed at your first sentence
alone:
Stalks of wild iris
like green-dressed sentries
greet wandering geese.
Stalks/iris/dressed/sentries/geese
green/greet/geese
wild/wandering
And that's just the start. Our curtain has just risen on this colorful scene and our taste for
alliteration has been satisfied. I'm always in awe--AND the best is yet to come.
"water-cupped...upturned palms" the reader can see the concave shadows, the light playing.
"wheel and dip" the action verbs that give motion to the color
"air offerings" again, unusual insight being put to paper.
Nascent yellow buds
snuggle in spring’s pale womb-- This is probably my favorite 2 lines (unless I take the following
two--then it's a toss-up. "spring's pale womb" - excellent, excellent, besides the color and the
alliteration.
a cradle full of summer
with velvet sighs
to come.
Actually the above lines run neck-in-neck for 'favorite' with me--cradle full of summer and
velvet sighs-------you have a pocket in your brain that I just haven't found in mine, Joanne--
but I'm going to keep looking--it must be there somewhere; however, it probably just has a
few marbles in it! LOL.
I'm intrigued at the moment with these short poems that say everything the long poems do, but
they're really much more fun for the reader. Harder to do though, don't you think? Well, nevermind,
we're all focused on April now. Thanks for the marvelous read---succulent is the word, Joanne--
all the tulip-y, daffodil-y, juicy succulents that you don't even mention--they're all there!
Good Luck. Marcia
This Poem was Critiqued By: Elaine Marie Phalen On Date: 2004-04-05 13:43:50
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.90476
Joanne, I can't wait any longer for this to hit my list!! It's so far down that I will never get to it. So ... here goes.
Stalks of wild iris
like green-dressed sentries
greet wandering geese.
Wow, the ee assonance is fabulous. Ass those s's and you get a sound much like the way I imagine spring, with the shrill of peepers, the call of geese overhead, the windchime of temporary waterfalls that will soon be gone. The iris stalks are as yet unblooming, suspended at attention. They are the shape of things to come. Everything interconnects - even the plants have their animating essence that recognizes the life force in other beings.
The ancient symbolism of the iris is associated with the Greek goddess who leads the souls of dead women into the Elysian Fields. She is also keeper of the rainbow. From her come all beautiful colors; she guards the feminine aspect. How very fitting for this new season! Birth and fertility are certainly the focus of our attention. Death too will reap its own harvest in a few months when flowers fade and infant livestock are taken to the slaughter (I think of Blake's poem, "Little Lamb") but this is also the way of the world.
Ducks glide on water cupped
in pond’s upturned palms
as late arriving gulls wheel and dip
to receive air offerings
of flung bread.
In this one, it's short-u that takes centre stage. There's energy in glide/wheel/dip, as the heartbeat stirs faster and faster. "Late arriving" - where I come from - applies as much to the season as to the gulls. It has been so COLD here!! But I digress; the gulls are the dawdlers at the feast, but are still confident that they will be accommodated. Those "air offerings/of flung bread" have a manna quality. God will provide even for these stragglers. There's a providential element that cares for all living things and sees none overlooked. I can easily make the imaginative leap from poem to self.
Nascent yellow buds
snuggle in spring’s pale womb--
a cradle full of summer
with velvet sighs
to come.
"Nascent" is a wonderful word. It suggests so many possibilities, and is followed up by "womb" which again connects flesh to flower, mammal to marigold. All will come in its good time. The "pale" womb is as-yet unripe but, like iris's rainbow, late spring will infuse its richness over the tender landscape. "A cradle full of summer" foreshadows a more intense green; the "velvet sighs" will mourn for its eventual passage. "In the midst of life ..." and so on. The act of sighing is made bearable because it's expected; "velvet" is a lovely, textural description. We are ever aware of endings, even when anticipating a birth. But we accept, because we must; we memorize present glories so we can recall them later. If a poem is, as Wordsworth says, "emotion recollected in tranquility", then spring is a poem season, recollected in the winter silence.
The perfect Easter offering! Then again, considering its author, I'm not at all surprised.
Take Care,
Brenda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-04-03 01:39:12
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.86486
Hello Joanne,
I hope better later then never counts this month. I've had one devil of a time physically getting to this absolute picture perfect pond. The poem contains all those elements I think we would love to emrace on a daily basis, as it stands, it's metaphor application is out of this world, I can even hear the water lapping as it hits the bankings, as it so picture picture in beautiful languists, describes what all of us are eagerly awaiting. The warm colors, and brilliance of Spring, all captured in all the nuances for the reader to be enraptured with, as only you can so vividly describe for us. As Norman Rockwell, and Grandma Moses illustrated and painted those universal pictures, each in their own medium, so do you become the American Poetress who so artfully captures our fancy. To enjoy, and then wish that God had granted this very soulful picture of our environment, not just the water, and the flaura and fauna, but the rouge of the poetress, no hiding. I can see you mesmerized, diligently writing, reviewing and ultimately presenting such picture perfect poetry.
So sorry it's taken me this long to get home, but now that I am I am completely engulfed in your poetry once again. I am awiting my Granddaughter's return from the late show, whoops she just walked in. It's very later here, and tomorrow I have painters coming to paint the apartment. Remember me with that autographed copy of your book (my expense), I so want to leave it for the Granddaughter's to share once I'm no longer of these environs, and the autograph you'll allow me the privledge of sharing one of the best experiences I've had, you!!
Now I'll be able to vote, it's been tough getting through my list, and of course you were on the bottom.
Happy Spring, and God Bless this beautiful universe....Love, Jo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-04-02 13:11:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83333
Hi Auntie Joanne,
Oh, you remind me again of the playing and gliding! Smiling.
It is relaxing to be in the pond watching these animals
in the full glory of nature.
It is nice to see the stalks of wild iris
like green-dressed sentries
greet wandering geese. What a splendid imagery and the use of the simile and
personification is lively! Assonance and allits are reinforcing the sound.
Now the ducks! Oh, the ducks! I am in the playful mood again!
The seconcd stanza is a relaxation, bad emotions can be released totally while
seeing the nascent yellow buds springing.
You have made it again, Auntie Joanne! As always, no doubt.
I want to shout more!
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Thomas Edward Wright On Date: 2004-04-01 17:33:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.36364
Hi Jo-
One of my partners buys Mallard eggs every spring for his kids to watch hatch and grow. They imprint on them as they're without mommy, and follow them around the yard! He says the ducklings zoom around in the swimming pool underwater like little fish. Nature - what a great world.
your spring scene capped off a beautiful day here in the midwest.
cheer for our girls on Sunday night as they take on U Conn, OK?
tom
This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2004-04-01 06:25:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.37736
Beautiful, soft, inspiring, brings for the true sights of Springtime....one can hear the ducks as they call to each other let alone the water moving bebeatg their web feet.......stalks of wild iris.....wandering geese.....again, adding to the beauty of this creation.....I so love Springtime for the world comes to life.....it saddens me to think one more week and mom would have been out on the deck, probably wrapped in her blanket to keep her warm but the sunshine would have begun its healing from within.........well, now I listen to the morning birds as they sing and wonder which little bird is mom........she loved to sit and watch my birds....thanks for posting, be safe, God Bless, Claire
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-30 14:37:36
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57471
Well now, I guess spring is really in the air - and TPL. What imagery you pass to the reader in this, Joanne. Another fine piece from a true observer of nature. The assonance of L's 2 & 3 "green" "greet" "geese" simply "glides" the reader so softly from the "sentries" into the "water cupped" [waves] and the feeding of the gulls with "upturned palms". I couldn't pause until the end, only to re-read it again and again. The "womb" and "come" close rhyme put a finishing touch of excellence on this piece. Beautifully done.
No improvements needed here. wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-03-30 10:44:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82759
Hi Joanne,
I savored every word of this short and sweet piece.
"By the Pond" drew me in completely and I was there by the pond immediately.
Your word choices with stalks/sentries, compliment each other so awesomely,
with stalks having a double meaning.
The Consonance/assonance of green/geese/greet sings off the page and
wild Iris/wandering geese make my heart vault into the sky above the
pond to witness this site from the best perspective.
Oh my, Joanne, the next line is so lusciously harmonic with the
assonance of Ducks/cupped/upturned, not to mention the personification of the pond
with "cupped in pond’s upturned palms". Your gift at coining such a phrase is amazing
and I know you have such wonderful inspiration, but it takes a certain kind of person
to recognize the beauty and then to translate that beauty to these unique images.
It's a God-given gift that you are not wasting!
Those late arriving gulls! they probably hid, waiting for just the right time, scavengers that
they are! And of course they are going to perform (wheeling and dipping)for their food,
just to show off!
"flung bread" is such a great way to give us a visual of you tearing pieces of bread up and
vaulting them into the air for the birds.
You images are so crisp in this poem. There is no doubt, I am there watching.
Once again the assonance of buds/snuggle sings as does this last portion of the poem.
The metaphor of Sprin's womb is magnificent as is the image created here.
"a cradle full of summer
with velvet sighs
to come."
I'm floating in the clouds and may never come down! This phasing is exquisite with soft
Luxurious texture and sound. If we were at a poetry reading this would get you a standing
ovation!
There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord is smiling and the angels rejoicing at the
glorification of His creation you have participated in here.
Thanks for this offering to Him. I do plan to print this off for more reading pleasure,
if that is okay with you.
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-03-30 02:11:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Hi Joanne,
I haven’t critiqued very much since my “three” surgeries of last July. I have always been a fan of yours and always will. You inspire me to go on, to write poetry even if I am not a natural gifted poet, and possibly write my book someday.
You write with such eloquence and poise and I must say your poetry always touches my heart. How do you do it?
Stalks of wild iris
like green-dressed sentries
greet wandering geese.
Ducks glide on water cupped
in pond’s upturned palms
as late arriving gulls wheel and dip
to receive air offerings
of flung bread.
I can view the stalks of iris with their watchmen holding them safe. I see it as I look at our own pond, yet we only have daffodils coming up, but if I ever get the pond cleaned out and the area free from leaves, there will be more. I see the geese fly over, as they are returning right now to the new warmth of spring and then summer. The ducks are here and swim close by, quacking as they get disturbed. The two lines I just love are “Ducks glide on water cupped in pond’s upturned palms, as I wrote a poem and posted it to night with a similar notion. (of course when I read yours after I posted mine, I was wishing more and more I had your heart and brain. Ha) The gulls I can only pretend to see when they come once in a while to ponds of Bend. Yes, they are fed very well and in fact, I am keeping my granddaughter four days next week (it will be a tired but happy grandma) and we are going to the pond in Bend to feed the ducks.
Nascent yellow buds
snuggle in spring’s pale womb--
a cradle full of summer
with velvet sighs
to come.
The beginning of new buds (I truly love the word nascent) do snuggle as close to the earth (the yellow buds womb) as they can, for it is not quite time and the earth keeps them warm. The line “a cradle full of summer”, well lets say it made me cry. That is absolutely beautiful!!!! And in the second stanza, we all well up with the knowledge that spring is so close, the sighs of a warm day are so welcome, and I attribute the velvet sighs to be the pussy willows. (I don’t know why, but that came to me.)
An absolutely wonderful poem to welcome a new spring. As usual, if you don’t mind, I would like to print and frame this, along with the rest of your poetry. I wish you lived closer… Thank you for another view of you!!!
With love,
Debbie
This Poem was Critiqued By: Lynda G Smith On Date: 2004-03-30 02:08:49
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Joanne, this pastoral poem was designed for the soul of an artist. It is so visual, embedded with imagery. There is a stillness, an expectancy in the iris that guard the pond... the 'stalks... so still and straight... standing quiet and motionless, and the reception of the ducks by the palms of the pond... what a lovely image... so gentle and sentient. The sounds of the gulls as they wheel and dip are joyful, not only in the image but in the words themselves. Air offerings ... what an eyefull... We have all seen this and so many of us have taken part in this experience, it's easy to put ourselves in the place of the benefactor. Life is so like this... an exchange of offerings and then the gift of accepting.
The colours and shades of spring are delicately cast in the last few lines, supported by the image of the cradle, once again repeating the metaphore of support that you used in the 'pond's upturned palms'(lovely sounds) I have been thinking about gestation with regards to spring and this poem is redolent with that metaphore or burgeoning life.
And like spring, you give a promise of what is to come... with velvet sighs... aaaah
Thanks you... I thoroughly enjoyed this.
Lynda
This Poem was Critiqued By: Turner Lee Williams On Date: 2004-03-30 00:52:46
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.56667
Joanne--This is a terse piece with the speaker having a close-up/ring side seat from their view
"By the Pond." The poetics, present tense descriptors and gerunds makes this free verse resonate
with vivid images of plants/flowers and waterfowl.
The mostly metaphoric/nonliteral language starting with the simile ("...wild iris like green-
dressed sentries...") and ending with double personification ("...snuggle in spring's pale womb--
a cradle full of summer with velve sighs to come.") gives the poem an almost multiple Haiku feel:
This piece is saturated with beautiful picturesque nature scenes; the advent of spring with 'mo'
better things coming in the 'summer'. I truely enjoyed this BONANZA! TLW
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-03-29 20:34:22
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62500
Dear Joanne,
I was so happy to see another one of your delightful poems on my list! And of course, with your beautiful descriptions of nature scenes, you are the Goddess of nature poems. The whole poem is absolutely wonderful but the last stanza combines nature with birth and that makes it just perfect. Again another wonderful addition to this months offerings.
Love, Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Mell W. Morris On Date: 2004-03-29 19:44:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
J.U.:
I like your title which makes me long to be there. If there's a pond, there
has to be a duck and you do not disappoint plus you populate your pond with geese
and gulls. The tranquility of the scene you paint so deftly soothes my wretched
brain.
Oh, how I need this poem right now. It will be my meditative theme tonight.
The simile with which you start is JU-clever with iris stalks, green-dressed for duty
as sentinels, greeting the arriving, errant geese. I imagine these irises as very dedicated
to their roles and emulate WalMart greeters, nodding their heads and waving their greenery.
Then your glorious pond is personalized with cupped palms of water upon which ducks may
glide a glissando. I love the serenity with which ducks sail across the water with an
air of privilege/entitlement about them. (My favorites are the teals).
Then enter the raucous (often) gulls, greedy for the bread thrown for the ducks and geese
no doubt. You describe them so artfully with a wheel and a dip to snatch "air offerings."
Offer food and the gulls will come. They are so beautiful as they flap along a shoreline
or a "pondline."
Stanza 2 reminds of spring in the air, at the pond, and in yellow buds in inchoate state,
ready to burst from the womb of spring into summer flowering. Your ending is simply
magnificent: "a cradle full of summer with velvet sighs to come". A cradle for the baby buds...
again this is signature Uppendahl with her unique and frabjous senses pressed to the earth,
delivering the majesty of nature to her spellbound readers.
The sibilance bespeaks water ruffling, ducks gliding, and velvet sighs yet incipient. I also
smile at the hard K sounds, the perfect touch for the texture achieved.
Thirteen short lines and you have limned a scene which uplifts my spirit as you capture
the rhapsody of nature as no one else does. You don't subtlely moralize as Frost did and
yet your message is equally strong.
All I can say is thank you for the glory of this poem which fell as sprinkles of fresh
rain on my parched, sered spirit. Simply exquisite!
Best always,
Nekk
This Poem was Critiqued By: Rachel F. Spinoza On Date: 2004-03-29 19:01:28
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.82857
Ah....i was having a hectic day and just seeing a Joanne u poem made me relax and
kick back knowing i was in for a treat.
By the Pond
[fine title]
Stalks of wild iris
like green-dressed sentries
greet wandering geese.
nice i/e alliteration and and lovely analogy. I can picture this as if
i were back in Canada
Ducks glide on water cupped
in pond’s upturned palms cupped/upturned -lovely "tern" of phrase [sorry]
as late arriving gulls wheel and dip
to receive air offerings
of flung bread.
Does this mean they catch them in the air? Or that they are flung in the air
beautiful language but a little confusing - I hope they are caught in the air - love
that image!
Nascent yellow buds
snuggle in spring’s pale womb-- [wonderful!}
a cradle full of summer
with velvet sighs
to come.
ahhhhhhhhh...yes
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