This Poem was Submitted By: Debbie Spicer On Date: 2004-03-30 00:45:00 . . . Click Here To Mail this Poem to a Friend!To Listen to Music While Reading this Poem, just Click Here!
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Tranquil in the Wind So delicate is the human being
Seen tranquil in the gentle wind
Keep them safe in fair and neutral hands
Be careful not to quell their tender limbs
They may raise a soul to peaks unseen
So delicate is the human being
Seen tranquil in the gentle wind
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Copyright © March 2004 Debbie Spicer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Marcia McCaslin On Date: 2004-04-06 21:20:56
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.69091
Hi Debbie--this is a SONG! First and second lines matching. Tranquil and Wind are sort of
contradiction in terms--but I like it--it makes a person stop and think just a little bit. Besides
being a song, it is also a prayer--with---Keep them safe in fair and neutral hands--not to quell
their tender limbs. They may raise a soul--continues with the prayer feeling, and then a circle
back to the beginning. I like this very much--it sets my own soul at ease and echoes my own
prayer for "fair and neutral" hands. This is different from your other poetry, Debbie--at least
the ones I have read, and I know I've been away for a couple of years, but it sounds like you are
more at peace and your soul is resting in His gentle, abiding love. Hope so. Best, Marcia
McCaslin
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jennifer j Hill On Date: 2004-04-06 14:25:41
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.72973
Hi Debbie,
This has a melodic songlike effect that is so pleasantly soothing, especially with the
repetitive lines at beginning and end. Every time I read this piece I get an image of angelic
singing and the sheer fabric of their robes blowing in the gentle wind.
I know these words have a very personal meaning to you after all you have been through and I
say a prayer of thanks to our dear Lord and Savior that you are with us today sharing this lovely
evidence of the gift He gave you.
Blessings,
Jennifer
This Poem was Critiqued By: Leo Wilder On Date: 2004-04-03 12:01:29
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.75000
Debbie,
Prayer-like. No, a prayer.
"So delicate is the human being
Seen tranquil in the gentle wind"
We are delicate though we wish not to be.
Interesting thoughts arise from this reading.
Leo
This Poem was Critiqued By: Sherri L Smith On Date: 2004-04-03 10:51:39
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.62791
Dear Debbie,
What a beatuiful melodic poem filled full of serenty, tranquility and safety. Gave me a sense of peace this morning. In a world of turmoil and uncertainity it is good to be reminded that we need to take care of each other and our children, grandchildren. Delicate as they are, we don't know whether they might be a world leader some day. Most of all, I think it is important to give then a sense of security and serenity.
Thanks for sharing this Debbie.
Love,
Sherri
This Poem was Critiqued By: Andrea M. Taylor On Date: 2004-03-31 23:32:53
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie,
This has almost a lullaby affect. Something sung to our children to teach tolerance and respect. I truly love the "Keep....hands" line. It has a cradling sensation. "They....unseen" line is the meat to go with the potatoes. It is short and sweet with a great lesson. If we could preserve the tranquility in gentle winds; we could weather bigger storms. we may be "delicate", but your thoughts are wonderfully hopeful after experiencing what you have. Good recipe to feed hungry minds. I really took this one in. Thanks.
God bless,
Andrea
This Poem was Critiqued By: marilyn terwilleger On Date: 2004-03-31 21:33:05
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.42222
Hi Debbie,
What beautiful word choices you have used here to exempilfy the fragility of the
human race....'seen tranquil in the gentle wind' this is so wonderful!...'be careful
not to quell their tender limbs' I like the use of 'quell' here...very fitting a word
for this terse but profound piece....'they may raise a soul to peaks unseen' we all have
the ability to raise ourselves to the highest tip of the highest mountain. Some people
see the mountains as a barrier or stumbling block but others see them as a challange and
just keep on climbing until they reach the top...you did. The repetition of 'so delicate
is the human being..seen tranquil in the gentle wind' is appropiate here and pulls the
theme of the poem together quite well. In seven lines you have managed to write so much
wisdom...even though humans seem fragile they are truely strong beyond the imagination
and can endure almost anything that is thrown in front of them. I am happy that I found
this piece and had the opportunity to comment. It is just lovely but has a powerful
message...thanks for sharing.
Blessings...Marilyn
This Poem was Critiqued By: Jordan Brendez Bandojo On Date: 2004-03-31 15:04:06
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.81250
Hi Debbie,
There is tranquil in the wind yet your words seem to gracefully dance amidst tranquility.
You've presented in less words. Straightforward but effective.
When I read first the title "Tranquil in the Wind" -- I can sense the calmness of nature
that makes me relax. Good title for the piece, indeed!
"So delicate is the human being
Seen tranquil in the gentle wind"
It is true in nature that human being is delicate in terms of emotional aspect. His emotion
can easily boil to a magniture in many aspects. And it is nice of you to have it observed it in the tranquility in the wind.
"Keep them safe in fair and neutral hands
Be careful not to quell their tender limbs
They may raise a soul to peaks unseen"
These three lines described human nature. The use of imperative is effective as it is participating that way.
No wordy critique here, you've done it well. Clever!
Best regards,
Jordan
This Poem was Critiqued By: Wayne R. Leach On Date: 2004-03-30 14:24:44
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57471
What a beautiful and serene poem, esp. at the beginning and end. The central 3 lines makes the reader hesitate a little too much, I think, not really knowing of whom you are speaking, soldiers, children, innocent "collateral damage" victims, or all of us? Even then, it's evident they are humans, so does it really matter? I might like another infinitive verb for "to quell", but on 2nd thought: no, it does fit and also enhances the l's alliteration in the poem. Brief, but so effective and powerful in that brevity. I have no more to suggest here, Debbie. Peace. wl
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2004-03-30 13:38:24
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000
Debbie:
This poem is exqusite! It is a departure from the 'voice' I've heard in
previous works, and signals to me that your poetic soul is transcending
pain and is filled with compassion for all that live. This is one to
give me shivers - because it recognizes a truth that is seldom heard -
the fragile nature of humanity. We are living in times when it is
seen as good to be 'tough' - to be aggressive, to be first, to
win, over all and every other creature. And yet your poem seeks
the heart of the reader, to whisper a prayer that all may
internalize and express to the Creator by whatever name we
choose to address the One:
So delicate is the human being
Seen tranquil in the gentle wind
Keep them safe in fair and neutral hands -- WONDERFUL!
Be careful not to quell their tender limbs --the sounds are tender
They may raise a soul to peaks unseen --you give us new eyes with which to look
So delicate is the human being
Seen tranquil in the gentle wind
You enclose the body of the poem with two lines which are like protecting arms.
It is a prayer, a poem, and I think, should be a credo for us all. This may be
a fixed form, but it is one which I do not recognize. It is lyrical, and almost
begs to be sung. I hear a delicate soprano voice - perhaps belonging to Mary -
upraised to heaven - interceding on behalf of her children.
Sublime in every sense.
Brava, my friend!
All my best, always
Joanne
This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne Duval Morgan On Date: 2004-03-30 06:54:34
Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.83871
How gentle is this poem Debbie, actually I see Dandilon seeds being taken for re-distribution in new land to grow and experience what the the parent plants hadn't. Actually I realize that this poem is a poem to the delicate nature of one harmed, that same same harmed person has come full cycle. In order to write this personal plea for understanding, that one can easily be hurt.
At first I was going to suggest the title read "Tranquil in the wind", and suggest Tranquil is the wind, then I re=read your words and based on experience, you are saying yes, strides have been made to read personal peace and tranquility, but the bruising of past acts, just don't disappear. One can be hurt over again.
It'slovely really and gracefully written, and at fact value worth it's weight, however with personal implications, all the gold makes no difference, the expectation never to be tossed wildly, and thrown away, that would be devestating. I agree, but I love this submission, another corner turned, strength in oneself being built. Yes, those shafts of sunlight at with you continually now, even during the glum days.
Proud of you it is my Girl, you have floated, rested, and floated, but this time in control.
Nicely put, and enjoyable to see this shiney side of the coin emerge. Now all you have to do, is the next big test, but I have no doubt, you'll climb aboard and be transfigured into a new phase. Yes, indeed, MA here Debbie comes, ready or not Joanne....ha ha.
My love, and God Bless Debbie, God graced you with the ability to be highly expressive....Jo
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